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So today, I turned 25. Dammit, I’m old.

I don’t know. I used to look forward to my birthday because birthdays bring with them gifts, parties, and a generally happy atmosphere. Now I just dread them, mainly because it’s a reminder that I’ve wasted another year doing nothing but writing profane jokes in what the kids call a “blog” (seriously, what the hell is this thinggummy you kids call blogs? Is it an online diary or something? Coz that’s so gay).

So to start off my birthday, the construction workers in our street greeted me by way of this awesome dialogue repeated ad nauseam, a.k.a. conspiracy flashback:

Guy: PUTANG INA NAMAN! MAGSAING KA NA! MAGTATRABAHO PA AKO!
Wife: LECHE KA! KUNG DI MO INUBUS ANG PERA NATIN SA GIN KAGABI MAY ISASAING AKO!
Son: Ang iingay nyo! Di ako makapag konsentreyt sa laru ko! Binabato ko lahat ng dumadaan dito eh! Tapos mamaya sisinghot pa ako ng rugby habang kumakanta ng Salbakuta.
Guy: Ang galing mo anak! Keep it up, tatanda ka na katulad ko!
Son: Oo naman tay, idol kita eh! Hay payb!

I seriously don’t know of a better way to start off a birthday. A knifefight maybe? With the end result of one of the construction worker’s guts on the street just in front of our house? That would be perfect, but you have to remember: they took out the streets in our village and turned them into muddy mush!

Anyway, to remind me of my impending mortality (and alleged ambiguous sexuality. Those assholes), the monkeys over at The Man Blog Forum gave me these gifts:

Pau first figured out it was my birthday. Glad that there was somebody catching up with his age, he gave me this:

A Google image search result for the keywords “Ade gay”. Go figure.

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A couple of months ago, the water company decided, on a whim, to change all the water pipes in our area. It’s cool with me, considering the fact that most water pipes in this godforsaken country have been laid down way before WW II and are probably clogged with the bones of some Japanese soldier, and did I mention I drink water? So yeah.

But it never occurred to me that changing pipes is a complicated matter. They would dig up the pipes from the bottom of the ground, and remove the old one and then replace it with a shiny new pipe, then cover it up with soil and cement it all over again. And the whole time they’d have road signs saying “We don’t just lay pipes, we build lives” (and a million dirty jokes just went through my mind just like that. IKNOWRITE).

What they didn’t mention is that the entire damn process would take months. And to speed up the process, they decided to do all the streets in our village at the same time. Yes, at the same fucking time. And the geniuses at the water company effectively closed off all the major roads. Yay! (more…)