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Isn’t it awesome that we grew up with such wonderful toys such as LEGO, WWF Wrestling Figures, and Ghostbuster action figures? And now, imagine how sucky life is for kids today, for they have these toys to play around with:

5. Batman Water Squirter

C’mon guys, what could be manlier than Batman, that superhero that goes off into the night , beating up criminals and stuff? Heck, for a time I wanted to be like him.

Okay, not the sexual predator side of Batman, but if you didn’t find anything cool about having no superpowers at all, and possibly being the only guy who can take down Superman with nothing more than brains, you’re probably a girl. (more…)

Sometimes, I swear, there is a big conspiracy that purports to make little kids a sex-crazed generation. How, you may ask? You see, toys like Bratz teach little girls how to dress as skankily as possible, Dora Aquapets make for very private bedroom fun for all ages, and childhood heroes like Jamie Lynn Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton could actually testify that alcoholism, teenage pregnancy, and uploading sex videos on the internet are actually cool.

So where does it all bring us? Just the other day I was taking a leisurely stroll in a mall when I chanced upon this toy:

A Spider-Man web flicker pack. You have a webslinger and some rubber webs, and then you flick them all over the place, much to the chagrin of your folks. “Oh look! Our son’s throwing away expensive molded rubber all over the place! I bet we’ll never get to find some of those things and our cat will probably choke on them and die and we’ll all go to jail for cruelty to animals or something. Way to go, son!”

Looks innocent, right? Wrong. (more…)