Shawarma: A Survival Guide

You get off the train, and you are hungry. You see a lot of food stalls, but the food choices are unappetizing. French fries? Soggy. Yema? It won’t even fill my stomach. Waffle dogs? Yeah, like I’d stick a phallic piece of food in my mouth. Besides, I ate that already yesterday.

Then you see it. The shawarma stand. Your mind immediately goes back to the days when shawarma was the king of food. Yes, it was every foodstuff’s dream to be a shawarma. Because shawarma rocks. Imagine the disappointment of the asparagus when it was flatly told that it can never ever be shawarma. I heard it killed itself in disappointment. The poor soul.

Yep, shawarma is teh manly. That is what I’ll eat, you tell yourself.

You sheepishly walk to the stall. you hand over your hard-earned moolah. You eagerly wait for the shawarma to be prepared. What is taking it too long? And why does the vendor look like Saddam Hussein? You grow impatient. Finally, the shawarma is handed over to you. Ah, the wonderful smell.

Now, the condiments. You grab the white bottle. Nah, it’s too sissy. Besides, it looks… gross. You see an innocent-looking red colored bottle. Bingo! In your excitement, you splatter too much of the sauce onto the shawarma. You take a bite.

Uh-oh. You made a mistake. The very delicious shawarma that you bought is now laced with the biggest enemy humankind has ever faced: too much hot sauce. You may like hot sauce, but this time you are at your breaking point. You run around in circles, trying hard to get air.

How will you survive the steaming shawarma of death?

Don’t be a sissy! Do what any other guy would do: scream your head off and immediately punch the spleen of the first unfortunate person to cross your path. Heck, punch EVERYBODY’s spleens. Scream a different expletive every time you punch. If you run out of spleens, aim for their brains. When you have finished with your slaughter, kindly ask the vendor for a glass of water. You have to do it nicely. This is a civilized era. Manners are a must.

You gulp down the water. It feels like you can’t take any more.

But you have to eat more shawarma. It’s delicious.

You eagerly grab the innocent-looking red bottle and pour its contents onto the rest of your shawarma, seemingly forgetting the carnage it has caused earlier. You are strong. You are powerful. You don’t care if your breath reeks of onions afterwards. You have survived

You are immortal. You don’t believe in hemorrhoids. You take another bite of the steaming shawarma of death. You savor it. The passers-by prepare for another battle.

34 Comments

  1. I’ve never ever tried shawarma before because the sight of meat that’s been exposed like that for hours doesn’t look appealing. But it so seems that I’ve been missing all the fun all this time. :)

  2. Sharap! :D

    [Comment ID #335 Will Be Quoted Here]
    If it’s a popular shawarma stand, the meat won’t have been exposed like that for very long since the vendor will have been shaving off the roasted outer layers.

  3. Ok, I wanna save mydelf from haemorrhoids. I'll rather go back to the waffle hotdogs. hehehe

  4. Hindi ako kumakain ng shawarma. Mabaho. Hehehe.

  5. i luv shawarma! i haven't eaten one in ages! i should've bought one when i was in Makro in Makati. hehe. btw, i prefer the beef rather than the chicken version.

  6. Na-missed ko tuloy ang Shawarma in Falafel sa Isarel. It was the best I've ever tested in my whole life. At ang sarap balik balikan.

  7. wow! paborito ko ang shawarma. namis ko nanaman ang saudi at ang disyerto. btw, mas masarap ang chicken sa beef, tsaka ibang iba ang shawarma dito sa pinas kesa sa saudi.. ehehe… waah, nawawala ung blog ko tungkol dun. peste kaseng db yan, nasira dati.. hay

  8. hahaha! nice! ginutom ako dun ah, kakagising ko pa lang naman.

    May kakaibang karanasan din ako tungkol sa shawarma, hehehe

  9. honestly, i haven't tasted shawarma. one of these days i'll try it. hehe. testing, testing..

  10. gawan mo ko ng entry tungkol sa bananacue :lol:

  11. Haha, the Saddam pic is freaky.

    I've never tried shawarma. Ewan. Haha natamaan ako dun sa waffle ah. Suki ako sa waffle time sa Recto LRT eh. ;)

  12. Hi Ade. How are you? When my site has been finally revamped, I'm gonna link yah. Right now, I can't. (^_^) Well, regarding shawarma … I honestly haven't tried to eat one. When it became popular in our country, there were snippets that you'll have bad breath afterwards. So I opted not to indulge into the shawarma-fad. LOLZ.

  13. merong shawarma na masarap at meron dn naman ang dry pro depende cguro kng san ka bi2li.. pro shmpre sawa na ko jan d2 sa ME. hehe.

  14. i have never gotten a chance to eat shawarma, just afraid i guess hahahhaa.

    btw, neat new layout.

  15. Whenever I buy shawarma I make it a point to ask for tabasco or jalapeño sauce as beverage! That's the base teaching of norristiandom.

  16. My sister had shawarma at an Indian restaurant yesterday. Huh? I thought shawarma was Iraqi/Irani.

  17. [Comment ID #357 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Just curious, what is norristiandom? ;)

    slamat sa trackback ade,

  18. [Comment ID #335 Will Be Quoted Here]

    you can never be MORE correct. I suggest you eat one at once.

    [Comment ID #336 Will Be Quoted Here]

    exactly!

    [Comment ID #339 Will Be Quoted Here]

    those. are. phallic.

    [Comment ID #341 Will Be Quoted Here]

    the smell is half the fun. :P

    [Comment ID #345 Will Be Quoted Here]

    so do I. :)

    [Comment ID #346 Will Be Quoted Here]

    I am curious…

    [Comment ID #347 Will Be Quoted Here]

    sayang! i would love to read that.

    [Comment ID #350 Will Be Quoted Here]

    another n00b who will be introduced to the world of shawarma…

    [Comment ID #351 Will Be Quoted Here]

    lapit na.

    [Comment ID #353 Will Be Quoted Here]

    suki din ako dun. pero phallic eh.

    [Comment ID #354 Will Be Quoted Here]

    try! try!!!11one

    [Comment ID #355 Will Be Quoted Here]

    oo nga naman! hahahaha!

    [Comment ID #356 Will Be Quoted Here]

    don’t be! it’s perfectly safe!

    [Comment ID #357 Will Be Quoted Here]

    i wanna try the oxbrain varities. extra dose of awesome.

    [Comment ID #358 Will Be Quoted Here]

    0_o that’s weird?!

    [Comment ID #359 Will Be Quoted Here]

    but he keeps on coming back. ah, the allure of shawarma…

    [Comment ID #360 Will Be Quoted Here]

    thanks for the visit. hope you keep on coming back!

  19. My brother got really really bad food poisoning after eating at a shawarma stand in Cebu. Guess the 'special' sauce was more special than what he anticipated.

    but they still heaps yummi and worth the risk of getting food poisoning.

    hahahah that pic is funny. Coz the guys who serve kebab/shawarma here also look like Saddam!

    *sings "sa sa sa dami.. ng problema natin.."

  20. Sheesh. Offer any weird chow to me: live worms, those creatures they'd love to serve to the starving contestants of Survivor, or even the infamous balut, but do not, I repeat, DO NOT come running towards me with a package (even if the packaging is worship-worthy) of shawarma, or else I'm gonna slap you hard! I uber loathe that stuff! While my friends are swarming like flies around that eeky, smelly slab of meat, I always find myself alone, munching the wonders of normal, processed products. So say it with me: I CURSE SHAWARMA! Hehe. Exagg. Anyhoo, thanks for the laugh. I was here via PinoyBlog.

  21. sarap pala ng pwet ng arabo… yung sauce na puti yun yung t*mod. oh man! shawarma is sh*t! i’ll never eat shawarma again…
    …but then again. why not. sh*t.

  22. [Comment ID #362 Will Be Quoted Here]

    It is the religion that has as its object of worship Chuck Norris.

    Also see Chuck Norris at Uncyclopedia.

  23. Shawarma is my favorite merienda next to Lasagna. Yum!

  24. Pwet ng arabo amp! A whole lot worse than champoy made out of patung-patong na kulangot ng intsik! YUM!

  25. hahahha!! nakakatawa naman tong entry mo about shawarma!!! hahahah!! muka bang saddam yung tigabenta! hahaha comedy!! pwet!!!! tamang laughtrip pare!!! hahhha!!!
    pero masarap shawarma. ndi lang ako naglalagay ng madaming hotsauce!

  26. Hi!!! Nice site huh?…just visiting… ehehehe i lyk shawarma too….

  27. Ade, the best shawarma in the Philippines is found along R. Salas between Mabini and Del Pilar streets in Manila. PROMISE. No other shawarma can ever compare once you tried it. There's even one made of lamb. Costs only P60. The restaurant's old name is "Golden Sheep." I don't know the new one. But if you tell people there the old name, they will say you know your Shawarma history.

  28. Never tried shawarma, never had the guts to. I guess it has something to do with the smell. Pero ang dami nga nagsasabi that it's good but…

  29. [Comment ID #388 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Boy am I curious! But you should try Ababu's in UP Village… it's also one of the best.

    [Comment ID #389 Will Be Quoted Here]

    squeamish, eh? :P

  30. i love eating it but its so wa- poise kainin.

  31. sarap talaga ng shawarma. i really wanted to buy a shawarma francise but i dont know how much it costs. can anyone give me info about this business? ty

  32. But I love the garlic sauce! Then to make my beef shawarma dose less spicy, I'd ask the vendor to go easy on everything, except the beef & cheese & garlic sauce, of course! :D

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