So we walked in the bar with absolutely no practice and no idea what will happen. My bandmates were quite apprehensive.
“Ade”, one of them said. “What the hell are we doing here?”
I reply with “We’re gonna play. Isn’t that what we’re here for?”
“Yes dude I know that, but what are we here for?” he counters.
“What do you mean?”
“What are we in this world for? Why are we living this life? What is our God-given purpose?”
“Dude, what the fuck.”
I stared at my bandmate blankly for a couple of minutes. He was looking back at me quite earnestly.
“Man,” he said “our lives- everything- is meaningless. We all turn to dust in the end. So why do we struggle on with our lives? We do not have a higher purpose. We are but a waste of oxygen.”
Waste of oxygen
“So what do you propose?” I said.
“We live the Rock Star Mantra.”
“Ah,” I said, finally understanding my bandmate’s point. “The Rock Star Mantra. You mean Sex, Drugs, and Rock n’ Roll?”
Now my it was bandmate’s turn to stare at me in an incredulous manner.
“Ade, Sex, Drugs, and Rock n’ Roll is old. We have a new mantra nowadays.”
“And that is…?”
He pauses for dramatic effect.
“Porn, Meds, and Rock n’ Roll.”
At this point, I started to laugh uncontrollably.
“What the hell?!” I giggled. “That makes so much sense! You make as much sense as PENIS!”
“No, dude, this is our new mantra.”
“Okay. Porn, Meds and Rock n’ Roll eh? Can you explain that to me? Why did you replace Sex with Porn, for instance.”
“Well, for starters, we may be rockstars, but we. Just. Can’t. Frigging. Get. Laid. So we have to settle for porn.”
“I dunno about you, but I was able to score yesterday–“
“Ade, your right hand doesn’t count.”
“Your left hand doesn’t count either.”
“Okay, okay! So… why Meds instead of Drugs?”
“Dude, drugs are evil! Didn’t your mom ever told you to not do drugs?”
“No. But that’s what your mom told me.”
“We’ll just crush Diatabs capsules and snort them instead. Dude, I tell you, the high is amazing.”
“You, know, what you take if you’re shitting like you’ve never shit before—“
“I know what they are, but why?”
“Because we’re rockstars, do we ever need a reason?”
At this point we were called out of the band room and proceeded to play a horrible set. Afterwards we were pelted with rotten tomatoes and one-peso coins. We got so depressed that we got so drunk afterwards. I forgot what happened after the fourth bottle of beer, but I passed out after that hot girl in a pink skirt slapped my face because I tried to sell her some of my Awesome Ade Juice. But I’m quite thankful that there were no midgets during the gig to insult me and all. Because I’d cry if that happened. 🙁
Anyway, my point is that I just wanted to say that I have an awesome rockstar-ish photo taken from last night.
Thanks to Ginny for taking the pic.
Move along people, nothing to see here. Move along.
- ‘The Beatles: Eight Days a Week – The Touring Years’ Review
- We’re Home: ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Review
- Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Geeky Friend (Who May or May Not Be Named Ade)
- Losing Weight… With Technology!
- ‘Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle’ Review: Why Does It Work?