This is how I describe Watchmen: IT FUCKING ROCKED.

The Watchmen
Because every poster needs to have somebody beating the shit out of a 67-year old guy.

Yes, amazingly, the guy who brought the fun, yet ultimately brainless film “300,” was able to bring the most important graphic novel (a.k.a. sequential art’s BIBLE) to the big screen. It’s not perfect, but this is the closest adaptation anybody could possibly come up with. And my boner is satisfied.

But before I go on with the rest of the review, please indulge me as I rant a bit about the R-13 with cuts rating that the movie got in the Philippines. So they left in the gratuitous violence, the nudity, and heck, they even left in Dr. Manhattan’s blue uncircumcised wang, but they had to cut out most of the sex scene? Seriously? So it’s ok that 13-year olds see lots of blood splattering and bones being broken and a guy being fried in boiling oil, but not the sex? Really?!

If they want to make Watchmen family friendly, why not turn this Saturday morning Watchmen cartoon into reality?

DON’T MISS:  'S-Town' Review: A Mystery Wrapped in Another Mystery Neatly Tied Up in a Bow of Melancholy

I’m pretty sure Alan Moore won’t go on a murder spree. I think.

And this is what I think of the movie, presented in easy-to-digest bullet form! Of course, possible spoilers abound. Be warned.

  • The film felt like it watered-down and dumbed down the source material. Understandable, but I’m kind of disturbed.
  • It’s not Alan Moore’s graphic novel. But it’s pretty damn close.
  • The Doctor has a huge Manhattan. (quoted from Jayvee)
  • NO GIANT SQUID. The new ending worked, yeah, but I WANT MY FREAKING GIGANTIC VAGINA-SQUID WITH CORPSES STREWN ALL OVER NEW YORK.
  • When Rorschach said his immortal line “None of you understand. I’m not locked up in here with you. You’re locked up in here with me,” the audience exploded in applause. And I giggled like a schoolgirl.
  • I’m never listening to Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah the same way again.
  • Bob Dylan’s The Times They Are A-Changin’ is now twice more awesome.
  • Ozymandias’s German accent is totally unnecessary. Yeah, I know he came from a Nazi family. I get it. Now speak something intelligible, for crying out loud.
  • I want my own OwlShip. But I’ll have to install a shag carpet on it first.
DON’T MISS:  'Train to Busan' is a Fantastic, Harrowing Take on the Zombie Genre

Final word: I’ll be giving Watchmen 5 / 5 Dr. Manhattan Condoms:

Dr. Manhattan Condom Dr. Manhattan Condom Dr. Manhattan Condom Dr. Manhattan Condom Dr. Manhattan Condom

What do you guys think of Watchmen?

Thanks to Azrael for the premiere tickets! You rock!