Looking at my calendar, I am surprised that it is already November. It’s almost Christmas, well, it’s the time when all things jolly and bright will take over the streets. You know, lanterns, Christmas trees, lights everywhere, and… Christmas Carolers.

It’s not like I have a problem with Christmas Carolers, or something, but I do find the majority of them… annoying. I mean, who would like to be awakened from the middle of a very sound sleep to some street urchins who do a poor job of impersonating carolers butchering yet another rendition of “We Wish you a Merry Christmas”?

And goodness, they are as annoying as crap. I mean, if they were in tune and actually sounded as if they wanted to sing, I’d love their performance and ask for an encore. But then, they gave a half-hearted performance that’ll even make the deaf cringe. And they have the galls to ask you for money! And call you a stingy grouch if you refuse!

Ok, I’m a stingy grouch alright, but they’re calling me names and hurting my feelings. The stinking bastards.

Holy crap! Enough complaining and time to formulate an action plan!

How I’ll get rid of those pesky kids:

  • I’d take up target shooting, buy a sniper rifle, and bide my time in the second floor bedroom overlooking the front door.
  • I’d buy bear traps and leave a generous amount of them in my front yard.
  • Get my ninja suit out of the mothballs, hide in the tree next to my house and fling bananaque sticks to the kids who pass by.
  • Rabid. Attack. Dog.
  • Lace the candies you give them with poison.
  • Lace the coins you give them with napalm.
  • Read to them, out loud, chapters from K-Fed’s upcoming autobiography.
  • Follow them home, wait until they fall asleep, and then torch the damn place.

No, please don’t think I hate Carolers. No, I don’t. Really. In fact, to make up for the meaningless, heartless and awful banter I put up there, I’ll give you one of my personal favorites. Please do take the time to listen to this wonderful and heartwarming Christmas Carol:

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So, do you have pesky carolers in your place? How do you get rid of them?

EDIT: Where the hell is everyone?

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