Noisy, Noisy Man | Your daily dose of retard

Inner Child Therapy: I’m Pretty Sure I Had A Witty Title For This But I Forgot

By Ade | August 15, 2008

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It’s been quite a while since we heard from my Inner Child, haven’t we? I honestly don’t know what to do with this next Inner Child Therapy session since I haven’t been emo and shit lately. I know, I know, the reason you return to this blog is that you wanna read up on my failures and now that I don’t carry a shitful of emo around my blog is extremely pointless to read.

Just to prove my point, here’s my traffic lately:

See the downward slope? That’s you people, telling me that my blog is useless without me documenting my many failures in life.

You guys suck.

Anyway, here’s me and my Inner Child, going at each other’s throats as usual. I swear, If he wasn’t all imaginary and subconscious-y, I’d have beaten him up a long time ago.

INNER CHILD: Oh crap, don’t tell me you wanna talk to me again.
ME: Oh yes I do. You see, I totally need you this time.
INNER CHILD: You always need me. But where the fuck are you whenever I need help?
ME: Look, when did you ever ask me for-
INNER CHILD: That’s not the point. The thing is you’re never there when I need help because-
ME: Again: you have never asked me for help. Not once.
INNER CHILD: Again: that is not the fucking point.
ME: …
INNER CHILD: What?
ME: What the fuck is your point, then?
INNER CHILD: My point is that you whack off way too much at your extensive collection of Maria Ozawa videos.

ME: That just did not make any sense.
INNER CHILD: Of course it doesn’t. Read More »

Posted in inner child therapy | Tagged filler, inner child, jokes, knock knock jokes, lolz, retardicity, unfunny | 21 Comments

The Bass That Blogging Bought

By Ade | August 11, 2008

As you all know, I’m a bassist. A really lousy one, but whatev. So anyway, for the longest time I’ve been borrowing bass guitars left and right mainly because my old bass hasn’t really been usable.

It’s really hard to play the riff of “Come Together” with this.

If you remember, way back in January, I wished for a new bass. Read More »

Posted in Stuff | Tagged adsense, andromeda, bass, dame, filler, guitar, lose your beer belly, money, wish | 20 Comments

Olympics! Huzzah!

By Ade | August 8, 2008

So today, the Beijing Olympics officially start. Not that I care, of course. Everybody knows that I’m a big tub of lard whose main physical activity would be the three minute walk from my bed to the computer table. To Plurk. (Speaking of Plurk, trying to keep your Plurk Karma up is an Olympic feat by itself. Kinda like trying to keep my penis up- no, wait! Fuck!) By the time I get my knees to bend, I’m a sweaty, shivering pile of pain. Which only goes to show how much I care about sports and shit like that. Read More »

Posted in Stuff, The Man Blog | Tagged beijing, boxing, china, gay, hong kong, obstacle course, olympics, onyok velasco, running, sports, The Man Blog, tv, weight lifting, wrestling | 10 Comments

My Brain Stopped Working And I Was Too Busy To Notice

By Ade | August 4, 2008

If you’ve noticed, the frequency of my posts here have been declining in both frequency and quality. I swear I’ve been trying very hard to set aside some time to write something (remotely) substantial but it’s either I don’t have the time or my brain just won’t fucking cooperate.

Okay, maybe I haven’t reached rock bottom yet. Unlike this girl:

Heath Ledger was not the typical Joker that Jack Nicholson portrayed in his prime. Look at him..dirty, scary, smelly and gay?? listen carefully, he made Joker the biggest joke of all batman franchise especially when he wore the nurse outfit then walked out after exploding the hospital… the accent resounds as if it goes straight from Brokeback Mountain’s parody(although his voice changed when he was raised upside down as if someone else dubbed that part when he might be already dead in real life) to match Christian’s tight-lip speaking manner as if he wears false teeth if not only gums tantamount to having hare lip and speech defect.

Seriously.

But still, I think I’m going through the worst bout of writer’s block ever. I actually try to write something, but dammit, I can’t write. Not a single sentence that I can be proud of. Read More »

Posted in Stuff | Tagged filler, rambling, retardicity, stupidity, writer's block | 18 Comments

MRT: An Odoriferous (Mis)Adventure

By Ade | July 30, 2008

I totally hate the MRT. I really do. Okay, I appreciate the fact that it’s the quickest and cheapest way to go through EDSA. And if not for the MRT I’d probably be stuck in traffic every morning, cursing the high heavens for it. And probably commit homicide or something.

Fig 1: Mr. T. This is NOT the MRT

But sometimes, the MRT is just hellish.

Fig 2: The Seventh Circle of Hell

Anyway, once I got to the MRT today, it was absofuckingloutely jampacked (well, as always) that I had to squeeze in between a fat hairy guy and a pregnant woman. In between plucking the guy’s arm hair and playfully jabbing the pregnant woman’s stomach, I tried to stand in a way that actually feels remotely comfortable. By “remotely comfortable” I mean “the bodily contortion which is least painful and would not result in broken bones and an erection”. Read More »

Posted in Stuff | Tagged armpit, body odor, commute, edsa, flamebait, manila, mr t, MRT, putok, rants, retardicity, smoke | 24 Comments

In This Entry Ade Runs Out Of Things To Write

By Ade | July 28, 2008

Hai gais. My name’s David Hasselhoff. I’m here to inform you that much to my regret, Ade has been taken over by a nasty case of writer’s block and has problems updating his blog.

So he asked me to fill in for him. Oh joy! You and I will be spending quality time together!

I mean, think of the possibilities. We can talk about Baywatch, Knight Rider, swimming trunks, and banana guards.

Hi my name is Steven Seagal and just like David here I’ve been asked- GOOD LORD MAN DID YOU JUST SAY BANANA GUARDS?

Posted in wtf | Tagged banana guard, david hasselhoff, nipples, retardicity, samuel l jackson, steven seagal, writer's block | 12 Comments

The Dark Knight

By Ade | July 20, 2008

There’s this thing about raised expectations. I remember when I spent a year anticipating Spider-Man 3, following every single bit of news about it. My expectations were raised to an all-time high when watched it. Then I got Peter Parker dancing in the streets. Boo.

Which brings us to The Dark Knight. I’ve been so stoked by Batman Begins that I was looking for a sequel already the moment I saw it. So imagine me expecting a movie for three years. The goddamn expectations alone are giving me a nosebleed.

Basically, I was expecting too much of The Dark Knight that I was afraid that it was going to suck. Read More »