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If you’re unaware what the Double Down is, it is KFC’s latest sandwich. If you can classify it as a sandwich. You see, I’ve always defined sandwiches as at least two pieces of bread with meat or jam or mayonnaise stuck in between. Actually, I don’t care what you put in between the bread (you can put in Tom Selleck’s dick in there for all I care), because there’s bread in there. Yes, bread is supposed to be the constant in every sandwich.
But you see, KFC just decided to throw the fucking bread away and put in bacon slices in between two fucking chicken patties. It contains a whopping 540 calories, 32g of fat and 1380mg of sodium. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was actually an attempt to murderize the general population by giving them all sorts of obesity-related illnesses in three years time. I’m no stranger to near-suicidal culinary choices – I’ve tried the Baconator, the Double Quarter Pounder, and the McGangbang – but I swear, the Double Down is fucking crazy.
I had to try it.
As I lined up at the nearest KFC, I was wondering at what the hell “Double Down” means. It obviously refers to the two slices of chicken, but it still doesn’t make that much sense. After a few minutes of deep meditation I simply concluded that it means that you’ll probably faint as you eat it and probably die in a few minutes. Read the rest of this entry »
NOTE: This is a Sponsored Post
Dear DtH,
I’ve been single all my life. I seriously don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to catch the eye of every girl I meet since day one. I really don’t know where I’m going wrong, you see I’ve tried to be outgoing, mysterious, and charming, but it still doesn’t work. I also tried the sensitive artist approach, but somehow crying buckets seem to have scared the women away.
I heard the women like their guys emo, so I went off and got an emo hairdo. Also I slathered a ton of hair care products on my head. I now look like this:
So, ladies, any takers?
Lovingly yours,
~*~ xXx_eM0_bH0i_s@m21_xXx~*~
Dear ~*~ xXx_eM0_bH0i_s@m21_xXx~*~,
… Thanks for sharing your picture with us, I guess? Also, what the heck, “So, ladies, any takers?” When did DtH become a personals page? Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Guy Wearing a Jejeje Cap Sitting on the Table in Front of Me,
Cool cap. No, seriously. I’ve always admired people who took risks for whatever they believe in, even if it means a little bit of their humanity dies every time they fight for their beliefs. And trust me, nothing has destroyed the dignity of more people than that Jejeje Cap. For those of you who haven’t been keeping track, a Jejeje Cap is like the Ashton Kutcher Trucker Cap, only worse:
I might be missing something really important here, man, but last time I checked, caps were meant to be worn pretty snugly on the head. Because they’re supposed to protect us from sunlight and other elements of the weather. They’re not supposed to be adjusted two sizes too small for your head, and to be put on top of your head like something you need to balance the whole time. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m at work, and I’m battling a huge headache. I don’t even know what to write about anymore. It’s like everything in my brain just dried up and I’m left with nothing but unintelligible sounds bouncing back and forth between my two hemispheres. And wow, that was a pretentious way of saying I’m suffering from a motherfucking writer’s block. I don’t even know why I’m attempting to put out a half-assed entry when I’m not even in the mood to churn out anything, but heck, I’ve been working on this blog for ages now and this is like the worst possible time to give up on it, right? Right?
In lieu of an actual blog entry that actually makes sense, I’ll try to get a lot of shit out of my mind by unloading it all – in a list! Yay! – in this entry. Enjoy reading through my brainfarts.
… y’know, if you actually find that sort of thing enjoyable. Read the rest of this entry »
You know, for a while I totally forgot that I had a blog. You see, I’ve been buried neck down in work (no, really) and a lot of other extracurricular activities. No, I’m not talking about the illegal kind, you doofus. I’m spending a lot of time working with my three bands, playing the bass and the occasional keyboards and we’re making awesome progress with our music. One band’s already considering recording shit for an EP.
But I’m really updating this blog because I just want to whine about how fucking hot it is right now. Really, this is like the worst heat I’ve encountered in ages. Okay, okay, I know I’m really fat right now and I’m pretty sure all those layers of blubber must’ve insulated and turned up the heat a couple of degrees for me, but whatever. It’s too damn hot and I swear I’m going to get sick one of these days. Read the rest of this entry »
