I started this Holy Week thing with high hopes. This year, I hoped to start reflecting and doing some inner discovery stuff like that. I mean, after the major fail that was last year, I’d rather do something positive for myself for once. And by positive, I mean anyhing that gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, not unlike wanking off. Except that I’ll try not to wank off.
Don’t get me wrong. Also, don’t judge me. I tried really hard to be a good citizen last week, but really, the internet wouldn’t let me. Also, I’ve discovered a new way to shift the blame of whatever bad shit I do: I blame the internet. You should try it too. Saaya Irie pictures giving you weird tingly crotchal feelings about underage girls? Blame it on the web. Reading about the Manson family giving you the urge to do a similar killing spree? Internet. Strange urge to go limpwristed and to speak in swardspeak for the rest of your life? Interfuckingnet. Charush.
Anyway, if you really must know what happened to me during Holy Week, I shall oblige and enumerate:
- Went around churches in Metro Manila and sat beside pretty girls praying and freaked them out by doing a raindance. That was an attempt to get laid. Needless to say, I failed.
- Watched appropriate movies for the religious season: Punisher: War Zone, Wonder Woman, Anal Sex Real Nakadashi starring Maria Ozawa, and The Little Mermaid. (Fun fact: I fapped off the most to Ursula)
- Drank until my liver gave up. I found myself the next morning in the middle of Ortigas, alone, and down to my underwear. Somebody stole my money and clothes, but my biggest worry was that I was wearing bacon briefs that day.
- Attempted to kidnap and sacrifice a young lady I found in the streets for the glory of Lord Satan. I failed. Sacrificed one of my testicles instead. That means I still have three balls left.
- Fanned my face with my fingers and screamed “POTANGENA ANG INIT!!!” every fucking hour.
- Envious of people Plurking how awesome the beach is, I filled a bucket with water and plunged ankle-deep in it. Also, I almost drowned. And that is how I will be swimming for the rest of my summer.
- Watched VJ Greg non-stop. Which reminds me, BRB.
So that sums up my Holy Week. How about you guys? How did you spend Holy Week?