My previous blog entry got a grand total of zero comments. Except maybe for that Nigerian dude who wanted to give me his riches for a small price (I’m wiring him my life savings as we speak) and that Japanese girl who wanted me to install this program so I can see her boobs. Right now, I’m kind of distracted because as I’m running the installer, all my anti virus programs are going haywire with all sorts of apocalyptic warnings of doom. I can’t concentrate on the boobs I’m about to see, dammit.

Anyway, yeah. Blog. No comments. Zilch. Nada. Hence, I spent five hours on the phone with Maro, complaining about people not caring at all about the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

After realizing that all he made are empathic grunts, I threatened to break into an animal shelter and look for the cutest kitten and step on it as he looked. It was by then he decided to speak up.

The following conversation ensued:

“Ade, that Zombie article sucked,” he sighed.

“NOT LISTENING I’M GOOGLING FOR THE NEAREST ANIMAL SHELTER NOW”

“Ade, you gotta listen to me. I have the 2009 Philippine Blog Awards Best Commentary Blog ™ and I get posts with zero comments all the time!”

“AHA FOUND ONE NOW I’M LOOKING UP THE ADDRESS IN GOOGLE MAPS”

“Ade-”

“GOING THERE TO PICK UP A KITTEN I’LL DROP BY YOUR HOUSE IN AN HOUR I’M WEARING STEEL TOE BOOTS”

I then send him this picture:

“Okay, okay, I’ll try to make up advice so you won’t step on that poor kitten! Maybe… maybe zombies aren’t really something people can relate to. The best time to blog about them would probably be during and after the Zombie apocalypse.”

“SO. WHAT. AM. I. SUPPOSED. TO. BLOG. ABOUT?”

“I dunno… tech or gadget reviews maybe? I hear people like those things.”


Hi guys. My name is Ade, and I’m here to do gadget reviews.

I spent a few hours bugging my friends to lend me their gadgets, but after that time the iPod I borrowed from Pau ended up in that dog’s asshole, nobody was willing to lend me their stuff even for a while. So looking at my stuff, I had two only things I can probably do a decent review of: my old Powerbook and my Nokia E63.

I guess I’ll do a review of my trusty Powerbook then:

Um… wait

So, what I have in my hands right now is my Nokia E63. The phone’s been getting rave reviews everywhere else, but I was wondering, does it really live up to the hype?

This phone’s been with me for a month, and I think four weeks would be more than enough time for me to asses the pros and cons of an eight month old phone model. So I’m rating the different aspects of the phone that I deem important to the everyday user.

Effectiveness against a zombie attack

The Nokia E63, even though it rocks a QWERTY keyboard, is a light and compact phone that fits perfectly in my pocket. For that reason I do not believe the E63 can be used against an onslaught of zombies. And because it is made of rubberized plastic, unlike the E71 which had a metal casing and a thinner profile, the E63 cannot be used as a shuriken substitute.

RATING: 🌟 (out of 5 stars)

Portability

As I mentioned earlier, the E63 is light and compact. But it doesn’t mean that it is the most portable smartphone yet. I find it appalling that a gadget that is meant to be taken everywhere does not have wheels. I don’t think I can use the E63 to travel dirt roads or to climb mountains, but come on, I can’t even use it for city travel for crying out loud. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a cellphone with wheels on it. Phone manufacturers should look into this glaring oversight.

RATING: 🌟🌟 (out of 5 stars)

Sexual Performance

My E63 is black, but it’s very small. It’s very wide though.

RATING: 🌟 (out of 5 stars)

Overall

The Nokia E63 has been a disappointment for me, to be quite honest. I was expecting a phone that’ll teleport me to work when I wake up and will slide easily up that dog’s ass, but the E63 failed on both accounts. Heck, I can’t even use it as a shuriken.

VERDICT:
RATING:

Don’t buy it.

 

Well, my first tech review went well. Watch out, Technogra!