Noisy Noisy Man

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MRT? More Like M-R-YOU-SUCK-COCK-T!



So yesterday was my first day at work, right? Of course I wanted to go to work early because I don’t want people to think I was a stubborn lazy ass who goes to work only when he feels like it. But I digress.

So I get to the commute part of my soon-to-be daily routine. I go take a jeepney, which takes ten minutes, but it’s normal. Hey, it’s a Monday. I’ve been commuting for years and I always get to elbow pregnant women and frail old ladies for a fair shot at squeezing myself into whatever free space is there in the jeepney.


Sometimes I just run alongside it

So after that jeepney ride, I go now to the MRT, which will magically transport me to a magical place called Ortigas where there is work to be done and money to be earned. I have always experienced horrible crowds there and I even had my bird groped once by some fag so I was prepared for another horrific experience and-


MRT GMA-Kamuning Station at 8am

Wow.

So I gingerly gather up my courage and approach the crowd. They were there for probably twenty minutes already and I’m guessing they were rather pissed off already, and would give violent glances to any newcomer who would try to squeeze themselves in. Trying hard – very, very hard – to not make eye contact, I silently navigate to the middle of the crowd, narrowly avoiding elbows, fists, roundhouse kicks, and the occasional switchblade.

Then the train arrives.


TRAAAAIIIINNNNN!

There’s something about being pushed around without any control at all where you’re going and screaming “HOLY FUCK THAT WOMAN IS GETTING TRAMPLED SOMEBODY HELP HER” that’s weirdly exhilarating. After doing my share of elbowing and trampling and punching, I get in. Yeah, I made it. I’d love to do a victory dance, but my crotch is stuck in somebody else’s buttcrack and as much as I wanna disengage, the the fact that we’re squeezed like sardines in the car won’t let me.

All in all, it wasn’t so bad. I guess the universe decided to wuss out on the crap it’s been dishing me. After I get off (get it? Get off? HULOLZIHERKHEHEHEHERK- shut up.) at Ortigas station, I immediately grab my cellphone to check the time and see how many minutes I have left before I get marked as late.

And much to my surprise, my phone was gone.

And my feelings can be thus summed up as:


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAMN YOU MRT! DAMN YOU AND YOUR STUPID SNATCHERS! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

So, um, yeah. That was it. How was your commute?

27 Comments

  1. As much as I'd like to believe the reason why I haven't gotten mugged at the MRT is that l have an unmistakeable resemblance to Hugh Jackman and his bulging muscles, I think it's really more about me looking like there's nothing worth mugging. and I'd like to believe that's a good thing

    Jeff's last blog post..Scrabble is the new instrument of greed

  2. You enjoyed having your crotch stuck in someone's buttcrack, huh? You liked that. Yeahhh you like that.

    What? Anyway, sorry to hear about your phone, man.

    Baddie's last blog post..Drunk Cat

  3. Good thing camels are way nicer than MRTs.

    Steel's last blog post..Kilro?Steel was Here!

  4. Those photos are hilarious! Lol.

    Condolence on that phone, though. :(

    Joni's last blog post..On Manila Cab Drivers

  5. Thanks for the sympathy, guys.

    [quote comment="119673"]Good thing camels are way nicer than MRTs.

    [/quote]

    But I hear hamsters are much, MUCH nicer.

    [quote comment="119672"]You enjoyed having your crotch stuck in someone's buttcrack, huh? You liked that. Yeahhh you like that.

    What?[/quote]

    I… uh… (shifty eyes)

    Oh look! A pink unicorn!

  6. Although the MRT is the fastest way home for me, I tend to avoid it. Too many horror stories, and yours is just another in the bunch.

    But this is a very timely entry. My brother just had his worst MRT ride ever and he was just considering commuting by other means. Maybe if I get him to read this he'll be further convinced.

    And this is my experience of riding on an MRT, after not doing so in two years:

    "So first, the MRT station was somewhere very high, exactly why I never fancy taking the MRT home from work even if it could take me home fast. Long stairs, long queues, bad ads (I seriously want to punch that Gatsby Wax DJ’s jerkface. Suggested tagline for Gatsby – the instant douche-look hair gel), and overcrowded and under-ventilated trains. It’s too wearisome to ascend the stairs just to squeeze into these purgatorial trolleys of sweating yuppies and proles.

    Inside the train, my dread wasn’t assuaged. It’s as unpleasant for me as I recall from my experience two years ago. Allow your olfactory senses to visualize – nay, nasalize – a just-opened commode that for years had housed un-flushed feces, pee, puke, ketchup and vinegar. I was on my head composing “ode to MRT odor” – a poem I plan to publish soon – when someone burrito-farted, and the culprit kept looking around as if he could divert the blame to whomever he looked at, which is how most stealthy gas-passers try to hide their misdeed.

    This journey stank, needless to say."

    Nightdreamer's last blog post..This Post Hopes to be Diaphanous

  7. I think I just regurgitated my lungs outta my body laughing at this, which is rather offensive for you since you've just lost your phone so sorreh… But yeah. This kinda proved again why you're one of my favorite writers in the interwebs! :D Good luck on the job. I HATE RUSH HOURS WITH A PASSION.

    FunnySexy's last blog post..Whattalovely Day!

  8. way to start your first day at work huh? sorry to hear that.

    at least you got off…in one piece ;)

    sushi's last blog post..all that a GIRL ever needs

  9. Welcome, new member of the elite group called Just-Stupidly-Lost-a-Mobile Society! Yay! I became a member on March 2, 2008, at 6am-ish. I go mope now but still, welcome new member! *wails*

    Fritz's last blog post..Point and Shoot: Attempt at Symmetry

  10. Didn't something like just happen to your phone a couple of weeks ago? Correct me if I'm wrong.

    Damn that's major suckage but at least you're still alive and it wasn't any of your body parts that was stolen! Lulz, with the exception of the minor groping though, HI-larious.

    Juice's last blog post..Figuring Things Out

  11. Hmmm Ade you have to start wondering about the people who inquire so much about your body parts. ^_^

    Nightdreamer's last blog post..This Post Hopes to be Diaphanous

  12. i lost my phone too in the MRT last March 8. i noticed it was gone when i was about to masturbate to some scandal at home. posted something about the MRT Orcs as well –

    keysi's last blog post..Welcome Luna!

  13. awwwww!

    look on the bright side — no more stupid questions like: THE WHOOOO???!!!??? and THE WHAAAT?!?

    oh…can't help but wonder what your "REAL" answer is to baddie's comment

    HAHAHAHA! you take care now!

  14. The MRT needs to jack up it's fares so that it could afford to operate more trains in the morning and solve the stupid morning rush crowd. Christ.

    Also: sorry bout your phone. Mondays.

    Helga's last blog post..OH, THAT?S REALLY NICE, BEIJING.

  15. thanks for visiting my blog!

    Nice pics you've got there… depicting your post emotions.. hehe'

    maybe sometimes gayahin ko rin yang style of blog posting mo..heeh' kulet na nakakaaliw eh.. ^^,

    g'day~

    roiji's last blog post..Transporation Strike?

  16. there are two classifications of MRT riders: snatchers and non-snatchers.

    wait, there's another one: crotch grabbers and non-crotch grabbers. a mailman's bag in front is a good defense against the former.

    and put that wallet and phone inside the bag.

    Zherwin's last blog post..beatles' world

  17. Ahaha! This is an everyday situation on MRT. XD

    Euri's last blog post..Genius

  18. Yeah, bring a man-purse next time! :D

  19. Don't they like send empty cars ahead to the crowded stations to accommodate everyone? I heard they do that in the Cubao station. Sorry about the phone.

    alohapenny's last blog post..Photohunt: Different

  20. [quote comment="119708"]Don't they like send empty cars ahead to the crowded stations to accommodate everyone? I heard they do that in the Cubao station. Sorry about the phone.

    [/quote]

    Actually, I got into one of those empty cars. But the mad rush was, well, awesomeifically overwhelming.

  21. That's why I love going to work at 1pm and going home 10pm. None of these problems. But yeah, the phone snatching while the cars are crammed has been on the rise. In my floor alone, I know of around 5 who lost their phones in two weeks' time. I guess the lanyard on the phone appears to be better than stuffing it in your pocket in situations like these.

    Mark's last blog post..Soul Calibur 4: Bigger Than Ever?Really!

  22. HAHAHAHAHA. I never really like the MRT in Phils anyway. And when I'm in town and I have to take it, I make sure it's the really really super off peak hours.

    April Zara's last blog post..The Soap Opera Love Triangle.

  23. Well, try going earlier to the train. Like seven a.m. with a bulk ticket. That way less crowds, and you suffer the lines just once and not for the next ten or so times and be able to get yourself a decent cab. And it's almost always good if you find yourself a seat.

    jatdacanay's last blog post..Bargain Hunting?

  24. last time i took the train, i swore never again. i think i still have bruises from all the elbows.

    <abbr>pnf´s last blog post..someday we'll know</abbr>

  25. MRT really suck! walang systema…mkakapera lng ang gobeyerno ok na, anong pakialam nila sau d naman cla sumasakay dyan. Lalo na sa Cubao station, wow! grabe 20 tren na dumaan d ka parin makakasakay…

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