I totally hate the MRT. I really do. Okay, I appreciate the fact that it’s the quickest and cheapest way to go through EDSA. And if not for the MRT I’d probably be stuck in traffic every morning, cursing the high heavens for it. And probably commit homicide or something.

Fig 1: Mr. T. This is NOT the MRT

But sometimes, the MRT is just hellish.

Fig 2: The Seventh Circle of Hell

Anyway, once I got to the MRT today, it was absofuckingloutely jampacked (well, as always) that I had to squeeze in between a fat hairy guy and a pregnant woman. In between plucking the guy’s arm hair and playfully jabbing the pregnant woman’s stomach, I tried to stand in a way that actually feels remotely comfortable. By “remotely comfortable” I mean “the bodily contortion which is least painful and would not result in broken bones and an erection”.

Then we stopped by the Cubao Station.

I swear, there’s something about the people who ride in Cubao. The train is already fucking full, and they insist on pushing the hyperventilating old man to make way for them. Okay, they’re in a bad location, they’ve been probably waiting for a chance to get in a train because every single train that passes by is already full, so they’re in a bad mood and they don’t care if somebody loses an eye or something. Totally understandable.

Fig 3: Cubao Orcs

But please, fellow commuters, can you take a bath? Really. Please take a fricking bath.

You see, these guys would ride the train reeking of week-old sweaty t-shirts and smoke. As if being stuck with them in a claustrophobic environment wasn’t bad enough, they would make sure that they’d rub the essence of stink all over you.

And there’s this guy who smelled like he basked in the smoke of car exhaust very early in the morning. And there’s this one who makes it a point to point his armpits at the general direction of the nearest nose.

Fig 4: A typical day at the MRT commute

What the fuck are you guys thinking anyway? If it’s “what’s the best way to piss everyone off so early in the morning? I KNOW! Don’t take a bath for a month, stand in the sun, and stink up the MRT? That’s awesome. Imma win me a nobel prize or something! YAY!” I will hunt you down myself and stick a deodorant up your right nostril.

Oh, just in case you don’t know how, taking a bath is actually quite easy. You just throw a lot of water at yourself, soap yourself, and rinse. That’ll get rid of stink any time.

At the risk of sounding like an elitist snob, I have to say that there are people like me who do not appreciate the fresh smell of sweaty armpit so early in the morning. I’m willing to bet that 90% of MRT commuters don’t like various offensive body odors being thrown their way.

Now excuse me while I resume jabbing that pregnant woman.

What are your MRT horror stories?

Read More: