So today, I turned 25. Dammit, I’m old.

I don’t know. I used to look forward to my birthday because birthdays bring with them gifts, parties, and a generally happy atmosphere. Now I just dread them, mainly because it’s a reminder that I’ve wasted another year doing nothing but writing profane jokes in what the kids call a “blog” (seriously, what the hell is this thinggummy you kids call blogs? Is it an online diary or something? Coz that’s so gay).

So to start off my birthday, the construction workers in our street greeted me by way of this awesome dialogue repeated ad nauseam, a.k.a. conspiracy flashback:

Guy: PUTANG INA NAMAN! MAGSAING KA NA! MAGTATRABAHO PA AKO!
Wife: LECHE KA! KUNG DI MO INUBUS ANG PERA NATIN SA GIN KAGABI MAY ISASAING AKO!
Son: Ang iingay nyo! Di ako makapag konsentreyt sa laru ko! Binabato ko lahat ng dumadaan dito eh! Tapos mamaya sisinghot pa ako ng rugby habang kumakanta ng Salbakuta.
Guy: Ang galing mo anak! Keep it up, tatanda ka na katulad ko!
Son: Oo naman tay, idol kita eh! Hay payb!

I seriously don’t know of a better way to start off a birthday. A knifefight maybe? With the end result of one of the construction worker’s guts on the street just in front of our house? That would be perfect, but you have to remember: they took out the streets in our village and turned them into muddy mush!

Anyway, to remind me of my impending mortality (and alleged ambiguous sexuality. Those assholes), the monkeys over at The Man Blog Forum gave me these gifts:

DON’T MISS:  Losing Weight... With Technology!

Pau first figured out it was my birthday. Glad that there was somebody catching up with his age, he gave me this:


A Google image search result for the keywords “Ade gay”. Go figure.

Coco, on the other hand, gave me this:


Remind me to use it on him the next time we meet.

Adam Mordo, my boss, decided to give me this:


Thank you sir, it was very… uplifting.

Juice gave me this:


A hot girl in a devil costume! Now we’re talking!

January , who knew how hard it was for me to find water in Hong Kong, was thoughtful enough to give me:


A bottle of water. To beat him up with.

Baddie decided to dedicate a song to me:

Sa ‘yo ang inUTIN, sa ‘yo ang puLAFANG, happy happy happy birrrthGAY, sana’y maBADING mo kamiiii!!!

Kris, on the other hand, gave me:

“They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!””

– On The Road, by Jack Kerouac

Something incomprehensible.

Thor, knowing what I really wanted, gave me:


A cute barista! Yay!

Steel decided to throw me a party and brought some of my friends over:

DON’T MISS:  Horror in Your Phone: 'SIM - Sara is Missing' Review

Chris reunited me with some alleged relatives found on magnaye.com:


Right.

Madz gave me this:


The Kool-Aid man. This Madz, what a witty. Kool-ADE?
Get it? HUHLOLZ! High fiv- fuck you, I liked it.

LOLga, being the wonderful friend that she is, gave me this:


I dunno what the fuck this is, but I’m sorry for whatever I did to her.
Even though I don’t remember exactly what. We’re even now.

Fritz gave me something awesometastic though:


The Pick of Destiny! Holy fuck!
Now all I need is a bass to make this the awesomest birthday ever-

Oh, lookie what LOLen gave me!


A bass guitar that also doubles as an AK-47! FUCK!
Now I have something to use on those crappy bands I get to watch on my band’s gigs!

So now I feel all old and shit, but a very happy kind of old. And shit. And while we’re at it, here’s an answer to all those “How does it feel to reach some ancient age like 25?” questions (yes, Sorsi, I’m looking at you, stop bugging me, mkay?): It feels a lot like 24.

What, should my joints start aching and my back start aching or start to have erectile dysfunction or something?