I love pasta. Me and my girlfriend make it a point to always eat at Pizza Hut Bistro because we just plain love pasta.
I especially love it when pasta is served plain, without Banana Catsup, hotdogs and stuff.
So imagine my surprise when I found out that an entire religion is dedicated to worshipping pasta.
OMFG. (Oh My Fettucine God)
This religion, in my opinion, is totally absurd and out there. Naturally, I decided to check it out.
Accordng to the Pastafarians, the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster ("Him") who started creation with a mountain, some trees, and a “midgit”.
And the Flying Spaghetti Monster is pleased by acts of piracy and smuggling, so dressing up like a pirate is encouraged (You may snort cola out of your nose now).
I imagine, is there a Pastafarianism chapter here? I would love to attend one of their worship meetings. We’d genuflect and stuff.
- Bow the head
- Close the eyes
- Place the palms of the hands firmly over the ears.
- Sing "Lalalalalalalala!" in loud monotone until hoarse.
Maybe I’d see a real-life pirate there at one of those meetings. Maybe I could even meet Maddox. We’ll all scream "Walk the plank, yer scurvy buccaneers!" We’d watch Pirates of the Carribean and laugh at how worthless Orlando Bloom’s character is. We’d eat loads and loads of spaghetti. We’d sail the high seas, do some serious pillaging, and go to Tahiti and enjoy our riches. We’d bury some treasure. We won’t take a bath for weeks. We’re gonna sing that annoying song from Peter Pan. We’d-
Erm… Never mind.