This coming Tuesday, I shall be off to the land of SARS and Jackie Chan films, Hong Kong, where I shall probably spread my retardery with them Chinamen Hong Kongers Kung Fungese Chinks. But I dunno, I think it’s gonna be hard for me.


Look at them. No sense of lulz whatsoever, these Chinese.

But still, I’ll be gone for six days and I’m expecting to have a blast. And by “blast”, I mean “not getting into another stupid embarassing situation that’ll make my familly finally cut all ties with me and will also probably get me deported. To Nigeria.”

Well, I seriously think I really need a vacation. I haven’t had a real one since I slept a whole week in Boracay three years ago. Okay, so I took a week-long break for my birthday last year, but I spent it fixing my internet connection, so that doesn’t count.

Just check my itinerary:

  • April 1 – To celebrate the first day I shall be stepping foot in Hongkong for the first time in more than a decade, I shall declare April 1 to be the day people shall make pranks on each other and shit. And it shall be hereforth known as “April Fool’s Day”.
  • April 2 – I shall attempt to look for a free wi-fi spot somewhere, so I can surf around the interwubs and ignore the fact that I should explore the damn place. And I will probably fail at this, along with every attempt at consensual action in my short pathetic life.
  • April 3 – I will attempt to make friends with one of the many hot Chinese women living in Hong Kong. You know how that’ll go.
  • April 4 – Disneyland. And I’ll probably fall off the boat and drown in the “It’s A Small World After All” ride.
  • April 5 – Because of my antics, my family decide to keep me in the hotel room instead and to not go out of it for the rest of the vacation. Sedated.
  • April 6 – Will fly home. Straight to prison.

So there goes. My awesome, foolproof plan on how to spend my vacation.

So what are your summer vacation plans? I’d love to hear them.

Also, my band, Lose Your Beer Belly, will have a gig tomorrow. Check out the band blog for details.

Read More: