Feeling down and lonely? Got no friends? Fat? Pimply? Ugly? Small boobs?
“My life sucks. I have no social life, my friends hate me, and my sex life is limited to my hand.”
Jimbo is just one of the many losers littering our great country. He is suffering from a sickness called loseroticism, and it is wreaking havoc not just on his life, but on the life of millions of losers around the world.
Dr. Sam Peth, Medical Expert:
“Yes, loseroticism is such a big pandemic right now I wonder why they haven’t quarantined the whole world. In fact, I will show you this vague scientific-type-table-graph-thingie to prove my point.”
“I didn’t understand a thing, but I guess it means I’m screwed. I’ll slash my wrists now, kthnxbai.”
But wait! We have a solution for you!
Available for the first time in the Philippines, FAG (Facial Astringent Grease) will help you in your social life. It’s mix of dehydrating and anti-oxidants will cleanse your face and rid you of loseroticism!
Proper FAG cream application
Just check out the before and after pictures of some satisfied customers:
“OMG! I will try it now! Thank you, FAG!”
FAG is available for the low, low, LOW price of 9,999.99 Pesos. See? It’s so cheap you don’t even have to spend ten grand on it! Also, buy ONE for the price of TWO and get one absolutely FREE!
So what are you waiting for? Dial 1-800-FAG-6969 and start spreading that FAG cream all over your face!
- Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Geeky Friend (Who May or May Not Be Named Ade)
- ‘Train to Busan’ is a Fantastic, Harrowing Take on the Zombie Genre
- Using the 8bitdo NES30 Pro Game Controller on the Nintendo Switch!
- Rating the ‘Doctor Who’ Series 9 Stories
- The Lapsed Gamer: What I’m Currently Playing