aLOLhamoraAs you all know, I’m a pretty big Harry Potter fan. Shut up. Anyway, Harry Potter is probably the only fandom right now that has more vicious fanatics than Twilight, because I never see Twilight movie tickets being presold a week before the showing.

But anyway, my point is that Harry Potter is opening today, dammit. And I haven’t bought any tickets yet. And I am not willing to wait for an hour for tickets just to sit in a cramped cinema, with some kid with a bad cold sitting beside me, trying to remind me of his existence (and the snot that’s flowing down his nose) every time he inhales.

And when the most exciting part of the movie comes, the kid will get bored, wail to his parents that he wants to pee/go home/eat a burger/my foot in his face/whack off. And when one kid wails, this sets off a chain reaction. I don’t know how they do that. One kid cries, and the next thing you know, you’re in the middle of a cacophony of ear-bleeding shrieks. Fucking kids.

But really, I do not want to miss Harry Potter 6. I mean, as much as I’m a big fan, I want to watch it in IMAX as well, so I can get to see Emma Watson’s boobs in 3-D. What.

Of course, I’m a good citizen and I won’t go to your friendly neighborhood prated DVD shops just to get a shaky cam capture of the movie. Heck, if I wanted to replicate the movie experience, I might as well brave the long lines and the hyperactive kids. No, I shall not break the law buy buying a pirated DVD. Okay, that sexual harassment thing’s another story, but whatev.

Anyway, if I find a way to (lawfully) break into a cinema’s projection room so I can climb out of it into the premiere portion of the cinema, I’d be the happiest man on earth. And before the security guards escort me out of the cinema (for doing legal stuff expected from an exemplary law-abiding citizen like me), I should be able to (lawfully) steal popcorn and drinks from an old lady sitting in the corner, and I’d be able to catch at least half of the film.

Of course, I want them to be totally faithful to the book, so filmmakers, if you’re thinking of putting in that scene where Harry gets trampled on by Smurfs, it’s totally out of the question. However, if the filmmakers decide to show the lost chapter where Hermione and Luna Lovegood engage in lesbian sex the shower while explosions happen around them, I’m totally for it.

Emma Watson

Anyway, my point is that I’m totally excited for Harry Potter 6. In fact, I might be so excited that I might scream “SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!” and make the kids cry as soon as the movie starts.

Oh yeah, that was a spoiler. Sorry.

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