Let’s just say last week was pretty weird for me. I’d rather not go into details, but let me just say the weirdness went into automatic proportions (a private joke there, har har har- what.) which rather left me depressed for the remainder of the week. If not for Sorsi I’d probably be depressed still. And that’s saying a lot, because when I talk to her I usually end up depressed and suicidal most of the time.

Anyway, I’ve probably been so awesometastically used to rejection that I don’t mind it lately (which is scary in itself). I really don’t understand what’s wrong with my approach. C’mon ladies, isn’t getting various pictures of me holding your mom hostage with the words “I Love You. Love Me Back. Or Else” written on her forhead the sweetest thing? Or the time I helpfully handed you your soap and shampoo in the shower? Wasn’t it a pleasant surprise?

I digress.

Thing is, I’m getting tired of these rejection methods that i’ve been getting lately. The disappearing on me two hours after an awesome date? Or inviting me to your place which is like three hours away, then ignoring me for the entire night? Or getting some ugly guy to pretend to be your boyfriend? Or getting the nice old judge issue me a restraining order? They’re getting pretty old.

I’d like to see some really creative means of rejection, like wearing briefs and pretending to be a drag queen all this time. Or eating a clove of garlic before the date and insisting on kissing right away. Yeah, creative shit like that. C’mon ladies. I know you can do better.

Anyway, my point is that if you are a reasonably hot girl (by reasonable, I mean two notches above Pokwang) who has questionable morals, low alcohol tolerance, no idea how to tell the difference between a paracetamol and a roofie, and has unbelievably low standards in men, do not hesitate to contact me.

Please.