Shock confession time, folks.

I’m a Pinoy Big Brother junkie.


Don’t worry. I won’t plaster this blog with gushes of how amazing and life-changing PBB is for me. You can find that on a million and one blogs out there already. Nor this blog will turn into a fansite. (Click around, and you may find my F4 fanpage)

Maybe it’s the allure of being a celebrity. Or the possibility of exhibitionism. However, I don’t think they’ll open up the House for me, who has a personality as interesting as a dry leaf (although in the right hands, a dry leaf can give you hours of fun…)

I’m actually morbidly curious how life is inside the Big Brother house. In fact, I already have a list of the things I want to do if I ever get inside the house:

  • Run around the house screaming “BANANA GANGBANG!!!”
  • Hug everyone the moment you step inside the house, and then tell them afterwards that you have scabies.
  • At dinner, sing the chorus of “It’s a Small World” in the tinniest voice you can manage. Non-stop.
  • Hide inside the bathroom and jump the first housemate who goes inside to take a leak.
  • Refuse to listen to anything your housemates say unless you are referred to as “The Great One”
  • Do not tell them how to address you.
  • Cluck your tounge.
  • Talk like Willie Revillame. Reenact his “NENE! YOU ARE THE BIG WINNER OF PINOY BIG BROTHER!” speech. Every five minutes.
  • Tell everyone how you find David Hasselhoff awesome and that you fantasize about him every night.
  • Be a hypochondriac. Cry like a sissy.
  • Use the word “me”: “Gutom na me!!!”
  • Switch your housemates’ toothbrushes.
  • Give your manliest housemate the nickname “Maria Kaboodle-Doodle”
  • Everytime you pass by the kitchen, stare intently at the set of knives. Caress the knives once in a while. While everyone is looking.
  • Look at your housemates in a most… questionable manner.

I’m sure by Day Five, all my housemates will be begging to be let out of the House because they are underoverwhelmed by my sheer awesomeness.

Read More: