I’ve never been a huge fan of location sharing services. Yeah, I have a Foursquare account, but I checked in only once, and I was drunk. I quickly lost interest in updating the goddamn site, along with my will to live. I don’t know about you, but telling the world that you’re eating in this restaurant isn’t exactly my idea of fun.
Also, I’ve done my fair share of oversharing on Twitter already (“WHY DOES IT BURN WHEN I PEE DAMMIT”) and sharing the place where I commit yet another hilarious misdeed to yet another major internal organ isn’t going to make my followers any more uncomfortable than they are now.
Fig. 1 – Why Ade doesn’t have friends in Foursquare (and in real life)
However, this newfangled Facebook Places thing is pretty interesting, if you ask me. You see, Facebook Places lets you check in to different places, just like
a rich DOM and a college student with no tuition money the many location sharing services available right now, but with a twist: in the spirit of privacy violation that Facebook has been committed to doing for the longest time, Facebook Places lets you tag your friends to various locations – and they can do the same to you.
Fig. 2 – My idea of FUN
Let me repeat that last part: it lets you check your friends in. To places. Even if they’re not there. Now it’ll be totally immature of me to check in my friends – let’s say, Baddie – at a gay bar. Or I can get people in legal trouble by checking them in with, let’s say, “Buying drugs LOL you guise @ Quezon Ave ALSO PICKING UP LADYBOYS OMG FAPFAPFAP.” Yeah, that’ll be immature and stupid.
But you know I’ll do it anyway.
Here are a few things I’ve thought up during that stint in the bathroom swearing away from those tacos I bought at that street side stall:
- For my newly engaged friend: “Looking at the hottest girls [you see, my fiancé is FUCKING FAT] @ Strip Club”
- For my friends who use pictures of their babies for their profile pictures: “DOING DRUGS OH MY GOD I AM SO FUCKING STONED @ Home Nursery”
- For my sick friend who wasn’t able to go to work: “I am balls deep in chicken asshole! BALLS DEEP @ Some Farm In Batangas”
- For that hot chick who refused to make out with me back in high school: “Finally getting my penis removed @ Belo Medical Group”
- For that girl’s stupid husband: “My asshole can now rest… @ Husbands Anally Raped Anonymous”
- For that person who likes to tag me in stupid photos where I’m not a part of: “GUYS LOOK I LIKE TO TAG YOU IN PHOTOS OMG PAY ATTENTION TO ME PLEASE @ Your Front Door”
- For that person who does nothing but to take quizzes all day: “OMGLOL YOU GUYS THESE CATS ARE TALKING LOLOLOL THEY LIKE CHEEZBURGERS I JUST DISCOVERED THE INTERNET @ Mom’s Basement”
Well, that turned out well. I’m excited to pull this shit off. Preferably while at some coffee shop where I hacked into their very expensive Wi-Fi. While giggling to myself. And holding back tears. And… and… and–
Where else do you think we can check your friends in? Tell me all about it in the comments!
- Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Geeky Friend (Who May or May Not Be Named Ade)
- The Lapsed Gamer: My Top 5 Nintendo Switch Games of 2017
- A Christmas Gift List For That Geek Friend In Your Life (Who is Probably Named Ade)
- Bobby Anti-Theft Backpack Review: A Well-Realized First Generation Product
- ‘Train to Busan’ is a Fantastic, Harrowing Take on the Zombie Genre