Noisy, Noisy Man

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INNER CHILD: So, Ade, what are your New Year’s resolutions for 2010?
ME: I dunno kid, I’m not really into making resolutions.
INNER CHILD: WHAT? You suck. Don’t be a fucking fornicating shit-eating faggot and try to improve yourself for the new decade!
ME: … that has got to be the most obscene stream of words I’ve ever heard coming out of your mouth.
INNER CHILD: Even more obscene than “horse-fucking twat sucking clit fucker shitface?” Because that’s what I think whenever I hear your name.
ME: …
INNER CHILD: In case you haven’t figured it out, it’s because I think you’re a horse-fucking twat sucking clit fucker shitface.
ME: …
INNER CHILD: So, make a new year’s resolution already, you asshole. Try to make your life suck less this 2010. I know you got a new laptop and all you wanna do is to tweak the shit out of it and kill zombies with plants, but come on, you’re better than that. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Ashley,

Hi. Remember me? I’m Ade. Am I glad to find you here on Formspring! We met back in college. Remember the party that Lloyd threw? The one where Sheena ended up puking all over your dress? That’s the one I was talking about. I just want you to know that I spiked Sheena’s orange juice. Didn’t know she had a low alcohol tolerance. Sorry.

Also, yeah, I know I had whiskey dick that night, and you promised to call me back once we’re sober but you never did. What the heck is up with that? Read the rest of this entry »

Oh lookee! It’s September, and it’s time to break out the Christmas decorations because Christmas is just around the corner! Okay, not really, because, you see, you can’t put Christmas in a corner because it’s a metaphysical thing we call a holiday, and we really can’t shoehorn holidays in corners and– yeah? Well, fuck you too.

Anyway, since I am about to go on a rampage the next time I hear Jose Mari Chan’s “Whenever I see girls and boys selling lanterns on the street” being played around me, I might as well use this early Christmas spirit to help me out of this writer’s block. And people are already putting up their wish lists, I might as well make mine to give you people enough time to save up and buy me these things! Right guys? Guys?

The Complete Remastered Beatles Catalog

I really want this. I’ve been a big Beatles fan for as long as I could remember, and my biggest complaint about their albums is that they sound too tinny. Read the rest of this entry »

This is a question nobody takes seriously: are your neighbors zombies? For all you know, you could be in the middle of a party, drinking your 7th beer while people are getting crazy on the karaoke, then you pass out. Five hours later, you wake up with your brains missing. Dang! One of your neighbors are zombies, and you don’t know who it is! See why you need to know who the humans and who the zombies are before it’s too late?

Check out these warning signs so you can differentiate between the living and the undead. The last thing we want is an unexpected brain salad. Your brains.

If your neighbors tend to walk around the neighborhood muttering “Brains” under their breath, they might be zombies.

You might think the thin guy next door is just taking his nightly leisure walk like he always does (midnight on the dot), but he’s just hunting for flesh to eat. Have you seen Mrs. Wilson’s dog after that one time thin guy took it on a midnight stroll? Thought so! Read the rest of this entry »

I dont get it. Why sila super bilib na bilib kay Sarah Geronimo? Eh hinde naman sya marunong kumanta LOL.

Read the rest of this entry »