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Ade’s Christmas Wishlist 2011

Ade — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 04:30:55 +0000

Working at a fast-paced company does things to you, namely make you lose track of time and make you forget to update your blog. And I’m pretty surprised at how quick this year went, plus the fact that it’s almost Christmas and I haven’t made a single holiday-related post on my blog is nothing short of shameful. So I’m going to take the easy way out and write a Christmas wishlist post, because I have absolutely no idea what to talk about.

Samurai Umbrella

I like my umbrellas small and portable, but goddammit, Samurai Umbrellas look awesome. Also, I’ve grown too fat and my small girly umbrellas just can’t cut it anymore – any rain stronger than a drizzle and I arrive at the office soaked. So yeah, I want me a Samurai Umbrella.(...)

Click here to read the rest of Ade’s Christmas Wishlist 2011 (215 words)

Tips for Beginner Runners (That I Disregarded)

Ade — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 05:00:46 +0000

A month ago, I started taking steps to get physically fit again. I’ve long given up on exercise, but I don’t want to keel over and die of a heart attack or some other obesity-related sickness by the time I’m 35, so I have to start somewhere and start working out again, right? Actually, a friend just forcibly signed me up for this shit and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Imagine a scene where I’m being dragged out of my room by five people, while I was screaming “NO, I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE THE SAFETY OF MY BASEMENT MY COMICS ARE KEEPING ME COMPANY FUCK YOU NO I DON’T WANT TO SEE SUNLIGHT NO” as I struggle to hold my bag of Cheetos in one hand. No, that didn’t happen, what kind of person did you think I was?

Starting exercising again after around a few years (shut up and fuck you) isn’t really that easy. However, I’m doing this for just a month and I actually feel better already. I think I look better too.

Anyway, here are a few tips I learned over the course of a month that made the transition from a fat and lazy idiot to an active (but fat) individual.(...)

Click here to read the rest of Tips for Beginner Runners (That I Disregarded) (485 words)

Globe Tatt Awards: Who Deserves To Win?

Ade — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 06:48:58 +0000

Most of us use social media sites like Twitter, Facebook and Google+ to procrastinate, communicate and catch up with our friends, but social media is, in recent years, growing beyond mere channels for mild amusement. For every useless Twitter hashtag like #ImproveFilmTitlesByAddingInMyPants, we have seen the outrage over the dancing kid on Willie Revillame’s show, among other things, thrive on social media.

This is what the Tatt Awards is all about. The Tatt Awards aim to shine the limelight on technophiles, video vamps, and ardent advocates for change, giving them the chance to be recognized for their passion to create, inspire and lead
in social media.

Here are the ten categories you can nominate the ones who you think deserve to be recognized for their work:

The One: the most influential trendsetter that shaped opinion, moved people and prompted action
Ballbreaker: a blogger or a Twitter user who started a debate, sparked conversations or a revolution of opinions with just one hard-hitting post
Stylisimo: a person that not only reviewed fashion but also set a trend one that everyone followed
Indie Rocker: a musical band or indie artist who fought hard to claim their space in the hearts of Filipino audience via webtime
Wordslayer: a blogger whose mastery of words showed wit, humor and grit to the Philippine blogosphere
Artiste: an inspiring person whose fiery passion for creating visual art through original graphic design, animation or photography has caught fire in the Philippine online art scene
Tech Junkie: a blogger, podcaster or Twitter user who shares access to the latest in trends and the fast pace world of e-knowledge
Thought-mover: a Twitter user who sparked a fire in the Philippine Twittersphere with one unique hashtag
Video Slinger: an individual or group who shook the Pinoy web space with thought-provoking or entertaining video.
The Advocate: a person or a group of individuals who worked to improve the state of societal cause in the Philippines through social media

Quick, nominate the ones you think are worthy to win in the first-ever Tatt Awards by going here: http://www.tattoo.globe.com.ph/tattawards/nominee-form

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Noisy, Noisy Man: Bringing You The Latest And Greatest 1:43 News Everyday!

Ade — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:05:54 +0000

From this moment on, this blog will cease to be a juvenile humor site laced with snark. No, it’s time for me to move on from such sophomoric pursuits and put this blog to good use. Starting today, Noisy Noisy Man is the biggest 1:43 Fansite on the Net! You’ll see one post everyday dedicated to 1:43, their sexy hot members, and the amazing music they produce.

Purveyor of good musical taste as I am, I shall leave you to celebrate with 1:43′s latest single, the very catchy and well-written P.I.N.K. (Pag-Ibig Na Kaya?)! God, this song is so fucking manly. This is making my vagina wet, and I don’t even have a vagina!

Other 1:43 fanposts by lesser, inferior, 1:43 fans:

The Time For Love is Now by GameOPS
Win a Date Night With 1:43 from Technogra.ph
1:43 Invasion by Euri

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An Exclusive Interview with Manny Pacquiao’s Hair

Ade — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 08:08:15 +0000

Last week, the entire world was again shocked by news from People’s Champion Manny Pacquiao. No it’s not another amazing victory over another helpless Mexican, or another unintentionally hilarious quote when he tries in earnest to speak in english, or another embarrassingly bad rendition of yet another power ballad on Jimmy Kimmel. Also, it just dawned on me that Pacquiao, as much as we love and respect the guy, he is a goldmine of unintentional LOLs.

Anyway, the reason why Pacquiao is in the spotlight, again, is this:

That. Magnificent. Mane.

Look at that hair, people. Manny Pacquiao’s Justin Bieber-inspired ‘do can make any lady within 50 meters pregnant. It can turn any straight guy gay for 32 seconds. And like it. Because of this, I knew I had to interview it. Yes, guys, I’m talking about the hair, not Manny Pacquiao. You see, I interviewed the champion boxer a few years back. He’s old news. It’s all about the hair now.

Ade: How does it feel to be on the head of the world’s greatest boxer?
Manny Pacquiao’s Hair (MPH): I dunno. You tell me.
Ade: You must be totally proud.
MPH: Well, not really. I’m Manny Pacquao’s hair. I’m shaped like that creature on Justin Bieber’s head.
Ade: Uh, yeah, but come on, appearances aside, it’s not so bad, really-
MPH: Don’t kid me. Look. Justin Fucking Bieber. Do you have any idea how mortifying it is to go out everyday and having people look at you and hum that stupid “Baby” song just a little beyond earshot and have your owner in complete blissful ignorance on how embarrassed I am?(...)

Click here to read the rest of An Exclusive Interview with Manny Pacquiao’s Hair (407 words)

I had a KFC Double Down. And it is glorious.

Ade — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 08:08:53 +0000

If you’re unaware what the Double Down is, it is KFC’s latest sandwich. If you can classify it as a sandwich. You see, I’ve always defined sandwiches as at least two pieces of bread with meat or jam or mayonnaise stuck in between. Actually, I don’t care what you put in between the bread (you can put in Tom Selleck’s dick in there for all I care), because there’s bread in there. Yes, bread is supposed to be the constant in every sandwich.

But you see, KFC just decided to throw the fucking bread away and put in bacon slices in between two fucking chicken patties. It contains a whopping 540 calories, 32g of fat and 1380mg of sodium. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was actually an attempt to murderize the general population by giving them all sorts of obesity-related illnesses in three years time. I’m no stranger to near-suicidal culinary choices – I’ve tried the Baconator, the Double Quarter Pounder, and the McGangbang – but I swear, the Double Down is fucking crazy.

I had to try it.

As I lined up at the nearest KFC, I was wondering at what the hell “Double Down” means. It obviously refers to the two slices of chicken, but it still doesn’t make that much sense. After a few minutes of deep meditation I simply concluded that it means that you’ll probably faint as you eat it and probably die in a few minutes.(...)

Click here to read the rest of I had a KFC Double Down. And it is glorious. (793 words)

Watching the Leonid Meteor Shower

Ade — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:37 +0000

Last night found me outside my house, sitting in a lounge chair in my balcony, sipping margaritas with my harem of hot and willing women in bikinis, waiting for a single meteorite from the Leonid Meteor Shower to show up ["But Ade, you don't have a balcony in real life, much less-" "Shut up, Journalistic Integrity, I'm trying to write something truthful here, damn you"]. You see, in my smog-riddled part of the metro, looking up will not only ensure bird poop landing straight in your eyes (what can I say, the birds here are assholes) but it gives you nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Kinda like this

Which kinda sucked, because it took me some time to bring out this lounge chair and pay these women to stand in my ~~imaginary~~ balcony. But sitting here will yield me nothing, except bird shit in my left eye. Maybe I need a pair of binoculars.(...)

Click here to read the rest of Watching the Leonid Meteor Shower (542 words)

Facebook Quizzes That Should Never See The Light Of Day

Ade — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 05:00:19 +0000

Who else here spends their time on Facebook, poking people and making sure that every ounce of possible productivity is wasted? Not you? Fuck.

Okay, since nobody wants to admit surfing Facebook a lot (you fuckers), I’ll just ask you a question: who else is sick of the stupid quizzes that pop up one after another on your timeline? The occasional “Are You A Pervert?” taken by that hot girl who you used to masturbate to back in college would be fine, because her quiz results show that she is, indeed, a pervert. Afterward you go masturbating to the quiz results, but that’s another story.

But yeah, we’re getting way too many stupid quizzes on Facebook. You know what? Quizzes like “What is your name?” or “Did you go to [insert name of school]” or “pAnU k p0h mGmAhAL p0h????????” are just way too abundant on Facebook lately.

Seriously, I wonder how it can get worse. What sort of Facebook quizzes shouldn’t see the light of day?(...)

Click here to read the rest of Facebook Quizzes That Should Never See The Light Of Day (51 words)

Facebook’s New Layout: The 5 Stages of Bitching

Ade — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:10:17 +0000

So, a few months after the last facelift, Facebook once again changed their layout. And, frankly, people aren’t too happy with the change. So goes another round of interweb bitching about Facebook’s new layout, even if the site is for free and they can do whatever they want with how the site looks. Heck, they can even put a big slab of bacon on the site and they should be able to get away with it.

This is how Facebook should look like, forever.

As I’ve been following the updates of people trying to deal with the new layout, (yes, “deal.” It’s life-changing, didn’t you know?) I’ve noticed a pattern. People go through stages when trying to deal with this major tragedy called “Facebook changed its layout, holy shit, my life is over.”

Denial

One day, you log on to Facebook, and the layout has changed. it’s no longer the familliar layout you were used to from yesterday. You stare at the screen in shock. You press F5 continuously, hoping that the old layout will go back after a while. You refuse to accept the change.

Anger

There has got to be somebody to blame. You are seething with anger. You need somebody to hit. You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” (...)

Click here to read the rest of Facebook’s New Layout: The 5 Stages of Bitching (240 words)

Pointers for the guy who tried to steal my wallet in the MRT

Ade — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 20:06:19 +0000

Man, your last attempt to steal my wallet was a dismal failure. I have never seen a pickpocket crash and burn so spectacularly in my life. How can you expect to feed your children with stolen money if your continue to work that way?

But don’t worry, unlike your other victims, I won’t laugh at your failure or kick you in the balls or report you to the cops even though the temptation was so much. In fact, I’m taking the high road, buddy. I’m going to show you where exactly you went wrong so you can successfully pick the pockets of other hapless MRT commuters in the future.

Blending in – If you plan to steal some guy’s hard-earned pay, you need to be discreet. Nobody would suspect somebody who just blends in the background. And honestly, dude, your getup needs a little work.
Clearly, a guy who looks like a redneck would stick out like a sore thumb, because – I hate to break this to you – there aren’t too many rednecks here in our third world country, much less people who dress like one.
So dude, piece of advice: if you plan on not getting suspected, ditch the beard, the stupid trucker cap that’s two sizes too small, and the beer belly. Also if you try to be less ugly, that’ll help a lot.

(...)

Click here to read the rest of Pointers for the guy who tried to steal my wallet in the MRT (631 words)