Noisy, Noisy Man

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Since the beginning of this advice column dedicated to helping out those who are helplessly unable to find happiness, we have come to realize that we at Down The Highway have neglected a significant portion of our readership: the zombies.

Last Thursday, one avid zombie reader visited the DtH offices. Since his brains were already hanging out of his nose, we panicked. Shotguns, crucifixes and wooden stakes were produced and used on our hapless visitor. After a failed attempt to kill him (and losing two of our interns in the process), it was clear that it was just an unfortunate misunderstanding: he just wanted to pour his heart out over a lost love.

“You see, there was this girl, and she dumped me for a sparkly vampire…”

We learned an important lesson: zombies may look different, they may smell like five year-old rotting flesh, and yes they are indeed rotting (because you know, they’re kind of dead), but they have feelings like you and me. The next time you see a zombie, don’t run away; he may be after your brains, but chances are he’s after your heart as well. Don’t be racist. In fact, we’ll soon hire a zombie staffer (in the spirit of zombie-human solidarity) once we figure out how to keep him from attacking people during office hours.

And now we’re going to publish some of the zombie letters that we received over the years. Read the rest of this entry »

EDIT: The FAQ’s are completed. Comments are now closed. Click here to read the FAQ’s. Thanks to everyone who responded!

In the few months that this site is up, I’m surprised because I’ve gained quite a number of readers. I’m planning to put up an F.A.Q. (Frequently Asked Questions) section here, but I really don’t know where to start. So I’m asking you guys to e-mail me and ask me something. Anything.

Guidelines:

• Nothing too personal. I won’t give my cellphone #, landline, YM, home address, eyeball requests, nude pictures, and the like. No siree. It may sound rude, but this IS the internet, you know. I may actually be an overweight 60-year old pervy creepy guy for all you know. Besides, I’ll be the one to do the stalking here.
• I want F.A.Q.-ish questions. They can be serious and/or retarded. Depending on the input, I’ll be choosing the best questions and answer them on my next entry.
• I’m also planning to start an “advice column” called “Ask Teh Noisy” (it’s STILL gonna be retarded, I promise). So send me some questions about love, money, or whatever else gets your fancy. But remember, this is a humor site so be prepared for some, erm, humor when I answer.
• Please put in your subject line if you’re gonna send me questions for the F.A.Q. or Ask Teh Noisy.

You guys can send your
death threats / hate mail / marriage proposals fan mail at:
noisynoisyman [at] gmail [dot] com

NOTE: COMMENTS ARE OFF ON FOR THIS ENTRY. BUT I STILL want emails!

Ok guys, I will wait!