Buying Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows

Harry PotterJust so you know, I am such a big Harry Potter nerd; in fact, I once considered having somebody carve a lightning-shaped wound on my “magic wand” with a razor, so I’d get the characteristically-shaped scar when it heals. I still can’t understand why she wouldn’t agree to that.

Also, I actually stayed offline the night before just to make sure I don’t get to read spoilers like Bellatrix kills Dobby on the interwebs, because I don’t like to have my reading experience ruined.

So I walked into Powerbooks Megamall last July 21, with the intent to purchase a copy of the much-awaited Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. The lady at the door greeted me a good morning.

“Lord Voldemort does not wish to defile his pureblood self by mingling with filthy Muggles,” I replied.

She shot me a dirty look. Shoot dirty looks on your future ruler, eh?

I decided to let it go, in fact, I am not gonna waste an Avada Kedavra on her, the last thing I need is to have a flash of green light and a dead saleslady to have these nerds in Powerbooks panic all around and cause a stampede or something. I mean, nerd stampede. Ewww. So I keep my wand safely in my pocket protector and move on.

I couldn’t keep my excitement inside. I just had to tell somebody, anybody, how awesome I think this book is gonna get. I strike a conversation with the nice lady in front of me, who is wearing Griffyndor robes and seems to be fidgeting every five minutes.

“Um, excuse me, miss?” I ask.

She turns to me, and flashes a big smile back. I continue with “I really think this book is gonna rock.”

“Oh yes! I mean, I’ve been following this series since the beginning and I’m excited to read how it ends!” she replies, rather enthusiastically.

“Oh yes. I rather think it’s awesome especially when I’m gonna read about the part where Fred Weasley dies on page 637!”

She stares at me, eyes wide. If I weren’t too excited about the book, I would’ve noticed that she was about to cry.

“Also, Hermione marries Ron. I mean, it’s totally predictable, because Hermione is hot and all and she loves underage drinking. I mean, look at her.”

Underage drinking

“Um, sir? Please stop now…”

“Harry Potter’s gay, you know? He marries Ginny. I mean, what does Ginny got against Hermione? Hermione’s really hot. How could Harry look at this and not want Hermione?”

“Harry’s not gay…” she replies, voice shaking.

“Oh yes he is.”

Harry Potter is gay!

So she bursts into tears and calls me a “mudblood” and threatened to “hunt me down wherever foxhole I may live in and she will bring the full wrath of the Order of the Phoenix on me and she will rip off my right testicle herself (just how many times have females threathened me with that?) and feed it to a Hippogriff”. She then runs away.

It was so wrong! I was just showing how excited I was for Harry Potter and then she cried! It wasn’t supposed to be this way!

“Wait!” I called out. “I’m just sharing with you how awesome Harry Potter will be! Aw c’mon miss, don’t run away, you won’t get your copy of the book! You won’t read about the part where Voldemort kills Harry! Wait!”

Having lost a potential friend (and possible sexy time), I dejectedly walk over to the cashier and pay for my copy of Book 7. Now Imma read the part where Harry gets resurrected and Voldemort’s spells backfire ensuring Harry’s victory.

WARNING: This article may contain spoilers. Read at your own discretion.

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Comments

Ade

Blogging since 2003. Social Media monkey. Bassist for the indie-pop band RomCom.

  • Laarni

    LOL. are you a member of hogwartsphilippines.org too? :P

  • http://drmkng.blogspot.com Fritz

    WOW! And you conveniently put your "WARNING: This article may contain spoilers. Read at your own discretion" at the bottom of your post.

    What. An. Ass.

  • chris

    HAHAHAHAHA! you need some sleep, man! :P

  • http://cathycardia.blogspot.com cathy

    Hehehe… This is sooo funny.

  • http://tesstermulo.com Prudence

    I finished the book before nightfall. I was that excited, too. And yup, I like spilling out spoilers during the reading session my friends and I had last Saturday night. Good thing they don't have wands 'coz they're all about to curse me with the Avada Kedavra.

  • http://www.refineme.org Tina

    Good thing I finished reading the book before I read this. Hahahaha great one. :P I am SOOOO itching to spoil it for other people here but I have to stop. =))

  • http://bigbaddie.com baddie

    So, what happened to Frodo?

  • http://sorbetera.wordpress.com Sorbetera

    Hahaha!! I love how you put in the spoiler warning at the end.

    Beautiful touch. hahaha!!

  • http://utakgago.com utakGAGO

    Geez! The warning's soooo funny. Lol. Talagang hinuli!?!

    And the pics were wacky. WTF. Is that fuckin' true, anyway!?

    I don't have plans on buying the book ASAP. I mean, I'm not even finished with Book 6 so why put myself on a stampede for the seventh!? Hehe.

  • http://asteeg.net christian

    Lol. Bakit nasa huli ang warning? That made me laugh. Well, at least nabasa ko na ang book kaya no harm was done.

  • http://delusional.wordpress.com Donya Quixote

    Oh, you spoiler, you. Thank goodness I'm not a huge HP fan. I didn't even buy the book – I just got the ebook last night. And I can't be bothered to read it until this weekend. Hahaha. Excited to see how Fred dies. :P

  • http://delusional.wordpress.com Donya Quixote

    Oh, I'm linking you. Hope you don't mind.

  • doms

    You didn't write about Snape saving Harry's life or how Dobby dies!?!? Pffft. Watta loser!

  • http://lizette.i.ph liz

    hey, i think Hedwig's death was the most emotional part. this Ade guy, such an insensitive bitch.

  • http://blog.ditz-revolution.net Helga

    [quote comment="61042"]So, what happened to Frodo?[/quote]

    I heard he went off with that lion from Narnia? I'm not too sure.

  • http://gormful.com WiLL

    The best part of this post is the disclaimer, being at the very end. FTW!

  • http://milkplanner.wordpress.com Agent Grey

    Hell yeah! Spoilers rock! I can't wait for fanatics die with an itsy-bitsy info overload.

  • http://abbee.blogspot.com abbee

    You're crazy. Haha. Oh, crap, I have to pick up my own copy real soon. I made last-minute reservations & I can't wait to find out about Snape wahaha, or whoever else died.

  • joy

    hahaha i reserved mine in april at NBS then 2 weeks before the 21st, we got an emailblast at work saying that if u reserve a copy for book 7, u get book 6 free! as in hardbound copy. i already have book 6 but it's a great deal! i would sell it for 500 bucks and im sure many would be interested.

  • http://yummeh.net Juice

    I have soo many questions!! What happened to Harry? What is his profession?!! What does Hermione and Ron do? Surely Hermione isn't a housewife? She's too smart for that! What happened to Luna Lovegood? The Weasleys?? Who did Draco marry? Who is headmaster at Hogwarts? Where does Harry live? What happened to Grimmauld Place?! What happened to George without Fred? The Burrow? Did Kingsley Shacklebolt really become Minister for good? Waahhhh!!

    But I loved it anyway.

  • http://thenashman.blogspot.com nashman

    The people at the queue hated me as I started openly reading (silently I might add) the last chapter once I got out of the bookstore. Someone even shouted at me "What are you doing!

  • http://www.ayokonga.blogspot.com bea

    I loooove your spoilers post. Oh, and the warning at the end of the post? So demented.

    I skipped some parts, though. Not yet finished with the book. But I read the last chapter of the book the moment I got it and.. errhh.. my sister looked so scandalized.

    Eh, anyway, hi, I'm Bea. I came from Juice's blog. I'm a fellow HP dork.

  • http://www.harshpoeticchaos.blogspot.com Jigs

    Hahaha!

    Great Spoilers! Thank God I've read the book already! And it took me only two days!

    It was a good ending to the series!

  • http://ascognati.wordpress.com Ascognati

    Oh dear. I don't read the book. I haven't watched the movies since the third one. But I enjoy your attitude towards everything. I just ignore all the Potter jargon and conveniently imagine other forms of geekery that I indulge in. May you continue to live and wreck lives through spoilers.

  • http://www.turbo-geek.org/ Keng

    Haha, this is awesome, you seriously went all Lord Voldemort on some Powerbooks lady?! XD Sweet.

    I love how you just injected them spoilers into the convo, poor poor lady. And you were all specific with Fred's death, too! Haha. Though I must admit, it still shocked me just because I'm still wailing inside that he died. Meh.

    I find the fact that people from the Philippines actually dressed up for it most surprising, heh.

  • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

    [quote comment="61529"]Haha, this is awesome, you seriously went all Lord Voldemort on some Powerbooks lady?! XD Sweet.[/quote]r nr nAlso, if Lord Voldemort were a convicted pedophilic rapist, I'd be perfect for the role. Um wait.

  • JPReyes

    i laugh so hard. gr8 article man! keep it up! APIR! not a fan of that series though…

  • http://www.kurokuroatbp.com Toe

    Hahaha! Buti na lang, I'm into spoilers… doesn't force me to read super-fast and miss all the action.

    Besides, most people would have read it by the time I get my copy in August. :)

  • http://funnysexy.wordpress.com FunnySexy

    I was never a fan of HP but I admire the book/movie/merchandise's followers for their dedication. (The closest thing to literature I've read in a while are Ryo x Uchi fanfiction and if you don't belong to the ryochi fandom, good for you.)

    However, that's not the point. I saw in your links sir Dimalanta's site. I didn't even know he had one! OMGsh loved that dude! He stopped teaching in CA though.

  • http://skamid.wordpress.com/ dimaks

    i never harry would be that lol. now i know i have seconds thoughts to entertain.

  • http://skamid.wordpress.com/ dimaks

    i never knew harry*

  • Paula

    I shall read the book when the hype dies down. But, seriously? Harry got resurrected?!

    Lovely. Hahahaha!

  • http://www.alleba.com/blog/ Andrew

    Hurray for spoilarz!!!

  • http://xii.terebi-adikz.com Rozeh

    LOLs that so funny. really. haha.

    didn't buy the book. got the e-book and before that read the fake book. waah

  • http://heneroso.wordpress.com Heneroso

    hihi

    I'm still looking forward to some Hermione Ginny lesbian action…

  • http://comicgasm.com/ RJ

    Wow, 35 comments and not one negative comment?

    Half my YM list still hates me for spoiling every death in the book lol.

  • http://sharonjoy.i.ph Tesseract

    HAHAHA! Good thing I've already read HP7 before I got to read this. Or I'd have hit you over the head with the book.

  • c'est moi

    I don't get what the deal withs spoilers are. I mean, youre' gonna find out eventually. Ever more pathetic what's up with getting your jollies off it? i guess it's funny when people cry.

    The truth is, i was so impatient i went on Wikipedia and read the synopsis of the entire book before i read it. The only part i was bummed about was the Severus dies. I had the hots for him.

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