This has been one of the hottest summers ever. Who here hasn’t been complaining how humid and unbearable the weather is lately?

Case in point: last week, while walking to work, I smelled something burning while I was in the middle of Ortigas. Also, I felt something at my feet. I figured out that the soles of my shoes have melted, and I’m in trouble. But I just actually just stepped on a big steaming pile of doggy shit. But that isn’t the point.

Seriously, I’ve reached the point where I scream in happiness whenever rain (or anything resembling that) arrives. And when I say “anything resembling that,” I mean water falling from above, like an aircon dripping, a water hose pointed upwards and set to full blast, or a guy standing at a ledge above me and urinating happily.

Sadly, the rain somehow lasts only for around 30 seconds. So I run outside, screaming my head off because of the overflowing joy this precipitation has bestowed upon me (WTF choice of words, Ade – Ed) and my hair isn’t even decently wet when the rain stops. And I stop mid-dance (one leg raised, face in an expression of extreme joy). I then dejectedly walk back to the house.

Seriously, it sucks. So I tried putting in a bowl of ice in front of the electric fan. It was going well until my fan conked out. I even walked around the house in my boxers but it freaked out the cat and made the mailman faint. Kinda like this:

So yeah. I’m practically giving up in this conquest of finding reprieve from the heat. I am so going to welcome the sweet embrace of heatstroke. Just you wait and see.

Read More: