Dear Judges,

I have absolutely no idea who did it (no, wait, I do), but I’ve been nominated in the 2007 Philippine Blog Awards, in the Entertainment (along with The Man Blog), Personal and Blogger’s Choice Award categories. I think I fit more into the Darwin Awards, but that’s just me. I know my readers follow my exploits because they just want to make fun of how I totally mess up my life and I know they are waiting for the time I end up as a beggar in Quiapo who sells sexual favors for a buck apiece, but thanks anyway.

Phallic Trophy
Ah, the sweet taste of victory.

However, I have not achieved anything of consequence in my entire 23 years of living. Ever. You see, I have no life. Sure, I have a band, am a self-proclaimed rock star, am ambigiously gay absolutely manly, am a total asshole, but my life is nothing but 23 years of wasted oxygen. I mean, I have goals but I don’t even know what to do with them.

Anyway, my simple plea is this: let me win. I’m sure I will make a good poster boy for the blogging community. You won’t regret it. Since I’m selling myself already, lemme tell you why I should and should not win.

Pros:

  • I am a very nice guy. In fact, I’m so nice, I decided not to send you the bomb threat letters to coerce you to voting for me.
  • I will not do triple cartwheels on stage when I win the award.
  • Two words: Rock. Star.
  • I don’t pick my nose that much in public like I used to.
  • I will grant sexual favors to the person who gives me the highest score.
  • I take a bath twice a day, therefore I don’t smell bad.
  • Unlike some bloggers there, I don’t go emo on my blog. No, I don’t show the world how my life sucks and that I slash my wrists and wear that ugly hairdo…

Cons:

  • If you’re ugly and act like a total douchebag, you’ll probably end up being made fun of on my blog.
  • Fat. Fugly.
  • Constant need for approval, therefore the constant badgering judges of some competition to vote for me.
  • I have an unhealthy obsession with all things David Hasselhoff.

So dear judges, it’s simple mathematics. More advantages than disadvantages. Also, if you still aren’t convinced, how’s about dinner later, around eight-ish? I know of a good place where we can… *kindat sabay kagat sa labi*

xoxo,
Ade

P.S. Methinks I just seriously hurt my chances of winning. ktnxbai.

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