Dear dude who was fingering his girlfriend on the MRT,

First off, I applaud you. It takes much effort to doodle the noodle in public. Really. I mean, with all the people around seeing you excavate the Tunnel of Love, it takes guts. You’ve got balls of steel to solder on while people turn away in disgust.

You see, I was beside you today while waiting for the train. You, me, your girlfriend, and a huge crowd. I kinda knew you were double-clicking her mouse because she was squirming all over the damn place. Hiding her crotch with her big-ass bag was a nice touch, though. It really made the scene more obvious, but still, nice touch.

No, I wasn’t talking about your touch. Ass.

So finally, the train entered the station (hyuk, hyuk, I made a funneh) and I tried to get away as far from you two as possible. Goddammit, why the hell did you two decide to get a seat in front of me where I can see you two flip the light switch repeatedly? And OF COURSE you had to stop digging in so you two can put on shades. Yeah, like that’ll hide your identity. Very subtle, really.

What I really want to say is that you should turn it down a notch. You see, the harmonious hand hump may be lots of fun, but dude, it’s freaking 10 in the morning. The last thing people want to see on their way to a busy workday would be a happy couple, lost in their own world, dialing the rotary phone. This isn’t Japan, where fingerbanging 20-something year old strangers wearing schoolgirl outfits on the train is a hallowed tradition, according to their porno videos. On a good day, you might even find yourself doing the bukkake there.

Japan.

Okay, I may be too harsh on you. So let me end this by congratulating you again. You have a massive pair for pulling that stunt off. I also applaud your girlfriend’s hygiene; the train didn’t smell like fish. That’s a compliment for you two right there. My only regret is that I wasn’t able to pull out my phone and take a video of you two. I sure hope somebody else was able to do that, though. I’ll keep an eye on the bluetooth porn sharing network and on Flesh Asia Daily for your eventual rise to stardom via low quality .3gp video.

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Enjoy your subsequent expeditions in the ring of fire,
Ade