An Open Letter to Myself. From Myself.

Mr. Ade Magnaye,

It has come to my attention that in the seven months since you became single, your financial, emotional, sexual, and physical well-being has been in a state of constant decline. Yes, I know, you have the urge to tear this letter apart this very moment, and I don’t blame you. In fact, you have every reason to tear this letter apart and jump from the roof of your garage and land facefirst onto the pavement. Again. Hey, it’s your life and I don’t care if you want to waste it by being depressed like fuck and hiding under a blanket and the 20+ pillows you keep in your bedroom.

But hey, hear me out for once, okay? You fucking need some straightening out.

If you don’t believe the “your financial, emotional, sexual, and physical well-being has been in a state of constant decline” part, let me enumerate what you’ve done the last week:

  • Sunday – After waking up with a massive hangover, you decide to go to Church and spend five hours in a confessional boring the parish priest to death about your sins, which consist of you illegally downloading music off Limewire and loading them onto your iPod. Exciting.
  • Monday – You spend Monday being epically late for an hour and a half for work. Speaking of work, you spent half the day ogling at that hot chick from that other department. Today’s accomplishment: none.
  • Tuesday - After being on time (for once), you decide to sit near that hot chick again so you can openly ogle at her again. However, your constant wolf-whistling and other caveman antics seemed to have scared her and half the people at work. Also, you get an urgent memo from the company shrink.
  • Wednesday - After spending three hours in the bathroom bawling your eyes out because you find out that hot chick you always spy on has a boyfriend, you plot to break them up.
  • Thursday - You forget for once that you have an evil scheme to break a happy couple up because it’s Thursday, the day where new issues of comics are released. You go to the store and blow 700 pesos on comics, which only get drenched in the rain. Once you get home, you discover that the comics have dissolved. Win.
  • Friday - After eating two Big Macs for lunch, you accept an invitation to drink your sorrows away. Which we all know does more harm than good, because you were found five hours later in your boxers only, in a drunken stupor, dancing along Ortigas Avenue, singing The Village People’s “In The Navy”. Not a pretty sight.
  • Saturday - Being mortified at all the misfortunes you encounter during the week, you decide to forego all invites to get drunk and you spend Saturday night wallowing in self-pity about how totally made of suck you are. Because of said depression episode, you missed the opportunity to see the hot chick you were spying on, having a major break-up fight with her now-ex. You suck.

So Mr. Magnaye, it seems that you have also been spending too much time on the internet, much to the detriment of your social life. Stop it already with the constantly running torrent downloads of Maria Ozawa movies. Which reminds me, I hear her latest movie was awesome. But I digress.

Anyway, the point of this letter is that you need to straighten up. Like seriously. Since it took you six months to spiral hopelessly out of control, I give you six months to fix yourself. Or else I take away your comics. Especially the Captain America hoard. And I know that you don’t like that.

Sincerely,

Adrian Magnaye


P.S. – SIOMAI – 2 SiOmAi LaB 4 u!
P.P.S. – HOPIA – hOpiA PiL iT 2!

Comments

Ade

Blogging since 2003. Social Media monkey. Bassist for the indie-pop band RomCom.

  • chris

    Hm, besides the allusion that being attached keeps you from a "financial, emotional, sexual, and physical well-being…decline", which I happen to disagree with (being a loser does that), could you tell me how the latest maria ozawa movie is? Are they still being pixelized due to stupid japanese censorship?

  • http://sasha-says.com/ sasha

    Thanks for the laugh! It was funny and I thought this was a letter addressed to me! Except for the hot chicks mentioned of course hahahaha

    sasha's last blog post..BlogtoProfit is still up and running!

  • http://www.noelledeguzman.com Noelle De Guzman

    You're too hard on yourself. And I wouldn't think your life has spiraled out of control, except for you spending 700 pesos on comics. That's a cryin' shame! :P

  • http://soul.beyondeternal.com Euri

    Ade,

    You seriously need medicine.

    Euri's last blog post..A Few Updates

  • http://yummeh.net Juice

    Very inspiring Ade. Although I have to say I'm a little jealous because not only you have a job, you get to drink, ogle on someone, have money to buy comics, and actually have a life. But I digress.

    :P

    Juice's last blog post..Not Anticipating

  • http://skamid.wordpress.com/ dimaks

    That's a nice 1-week round up! points for reflection indeed.

    dimaks's last blog post..So, what you?ve been told?

  • http://www.careerclub.com.ph rodel

    i can picture myself on this lolz.. but i'm not spending 700 just for comics.. :)

  • http://funnysexy.wordpress.com FunnySexy

    Anything with the words "an open letter" tend to make me want to throw up (long story) but I read yours anyway and realized one thing.

    All you need is love… Way better than booze or boobs, I tell yah!

    FunnySexy's last blog post..The Best Things in Life are Free (what a boring title)

  • http://sharonjoy.i.ph Tesseract

    I don't get it.. after my ex and i broke up, my financial, emotional, sexual, and physical well-being has never been better. Where the hell did you go wrong, MaGAYe?

    Tesseract's last blog post..Cebu Guitar Festival 007

  • http://www.mumuych.i.ph cheska

    before i leave for the city of golden friendship, may i say, give yourself a break. break-up with love for now, kiss and make-up with yourself, then call the girl you want to date and ask her out na.

    take care, ade!!!

    cheska's last blog post..rain, rain , go away!

  • http://www.taintedsong.com Joni

    Yep. You need an Internet break, my friend! And you need a new girlfriend, too. lolz. So what's your type? Maybe we can hook you up with someone? hehehe

    Joni's last blog post..A Starbucks Planner and Neil Gaiman in Manila

  • http://www.riajose.com Ria Jose

    I saw the pic of the Maria Ozawa, I ? her. LOL!

    Let's be emo together Mr. Magnaye! :(

    Ria Jose's last blog post..Untitled 3

  • http://ballsofsteel.i.ph Steel

    I once danced to the tune of YMCA shirtless along Ayala Avenue. Good times!

    Steel's last blog post..First Two Weeks

  • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

    [quote comment="104168"]You're too hard on yourself. And I wouldn't think your life has spiraled out of control, except for you spending 700 pesos on comics. That's a cryin' shame! :P[/quote]

    I knoes okay? :(

    [quote comment="104193"]Ade,

    You seriously need medicine.[/quote]

    … shit.

    [quote comment="104228"]Very inspiring Ade. Although I have to say I'm a little jealous because not only you have a job, you get to drink, ogle on someone, have money to buy comics, and actually have a life. But I digress.

    :P[/quote]

    I… I… I do?

    [quote comment="104419"]Anything with the words "an open letter" tend to make me want to throw up (long story) but I read yours anyway and realized one thing.

    All you need is love… Way better than booze or boobs, I tell yah![/quote]

    Aaaaand secks.

    [quote comment="104620"]before i leave for the city of golden friendship, may i say, give yourself a break. break-up with love for now, kiss and make-up with yourself, then call the girl you want to date and ask her out na.

    take care, ade!!![/quote]

    Thanks. Don't go away plz? :(

    [quote comment="105301"]Yep. You need an Internet break, my friend! And you need a new girlfriend, too. lolz. So what's your type? Maybe we can hook you up with someone? hehehe[/quote]

    Rly? :P

    [quote comment="105312"]I saw the pic of the Maria Ozawa, I ? her. LOL!

    Let's be emo together Mr. Magnaye! :([/quote]

    I'd ? to, bbbbut… you’re such a far! :(

  • beachgoddess

    [quote comment="104419"]Anything with the words "an open letter" tend to make me want to throw up (long story) but I read yours anyway and realized one thing.

    All you need is love… Way better than booze or boobs, I tell yah!

    FunnySexy's last blog post..The Best Things in Life are Free (what a boring title)[/quote]

    I must agree with her, all you need is love (for yourself; from yourself). And to accept the things that happened to you and you're ex move on, don't rush into dating someone else because you'll just end up hurting the other girl. Trust me. After 2 years of dating and hurting the wrong guys I realized that I'm still not over with my ex(from 2 years ago) *sigh*

  • http://blog.ditz-revolution.net Helga

    You need to get laid, Ade. I rhyme!

    Helga's last blog post..SO, HELGA, WHAT DID YOU DO THIS WEEKEND?

  • http://bituwinfish.com Ann

    This is inspired. Much to the chagrin of your other self, I think. lol.

    I can only imagine what you would consider your more eventful weeks. ^^;

    Ann's last blog post..My Kind of Fairytale

  • http://kaide.blogspot.com cyberpunk

    you need a girlfriend. Realdoll.com girls won't judge you :D

    cyberpunk's last blog post..The Goth That Never Was

  • http://alohapenny.i.ph/blogs/alohapenny alohapenny

    Ade you are one crazy, crazy. I agree with Helga, you need to get laid. Oh and I like the header image.

  • http://es2pido.com Neil

    No way. What he really wantsneeds is secks. Hawt fudgee bubblee wild hardcoar secks.

    With something on the side.

    Pffft. Cut off your internets. You're already losing sanity. And erection.

    Neil's last blog post..procircle

  • http://delusional.wordpress.com Donya Quixote

    "…you were found five hours later in your boxers only, in a drunken stupor, dancing along Ortigas Avenue, singing The Village People’s “In The Navy”. Not a pretty sight."

    Was that captured on video, by any chance? ^_^

    Donya Quixote's last blog post..The Right Side of the Bed?

  • http://www.noneed4ink.com Maki

    You need a girlfriend hehe :p

    LOL. This suddenly caught my attention:

    "—

    P.S. – SIOMAI – 2 SiOmAi LaB 4 u!

    P.P.S. – HOPIA – hOpiA PiL iT 2!"

    What's with the siomai and hopia?!??? haha LOL.

    Maki's last blog post..Loco Over Lomo

  • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

    [quote comment="106776"]No way. What he really wantsneeds is secks. Hawt fudgee bubblee wild hardcoar secks.

    [/quote]

    Um…. getting laid IS secks. Just sayin'.

    [quote comment="106816"]"…you were found five hours later in your boxers only, in a drunken stupor, dancing along Ortigas Avenue, singing The Village People’s “In The Navy”. Not a pretty sight."

    Was that captured on video, by any chance? ^_^

    [/quote]

    Ermmm. I think a video is inexistent, but do you really want to be traumatized by the sight?

    [quote comment="107149"]You need a girlfriend hehe :p

    LOL. This suddenly caught my attention:

    "—

    P.S. – SIOMAI – 2 SiOmAi LaB 4 u!

    P.P.S. – HOPIA – hOpiA PiL iT 2!"

    What's with the siomai and hopia?!??? haha LOL.

    [/quote]

    Coz I really want to siomai lab!111

    … wait.

  • http://es2pido.com Neil

    [quote comment="107224"][quote comment="106776"]No way. What he really wantsneeds is secks. Hawt fudgee bubblee wild hardcoar secks.

    [/quote]

    Um…. getting laid IS secks. Just sayin'.

    [/quote]

    GRRRRR!!!!!!111onetwothree

    What are you trying to exist???????// XD

    Neil's last blog post..Digitally framed

  • http://www.riajose.com Ria Jose

    Mr. Magnaye… still on emo mode? Coz I still am. AMF!

    Ria Jose's last blog post..I Wanna Blog?

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