Dear 23-Year Old Ade,
Hi. Don’t be creeped out, but this is you. From the future. Four years into the future, to be exact. This is Future Ade on my (our?) 27th birthday, in one of those rare introspective moods you and I get into. I have no idea if this letter will be able to travel back in time four years, but what the hell, I’m writing anyway.
The thing is, you just turned 23, and you’re enjoying life. You just graduated from college, working at your first job, and also new to this blogging thing. No, your Livejournal does not count. You’re posting loads of shit that you’re going to reread years later while cringing in embarrassment.
By the way, you’re going to run into a lot of things that will turn your life upside-down. But don’t worry, nothing’s going to be too big for you to handle; in fact, you’re going to handle many things life throws your way rather fine. I won’t say that you’re going to go about a lot of things with finesse, because your inherent clumsiness shows in the way you deal with things in life. And that’s a good thing. I think.
Now I wouldn’t want to spoil anything for you, since it’s your 23rd birthday and you’re supposed to have the time of your life. Come on, this is like the first birthday you’ve had after college. But then, I gotta warn you of some of the shit that you’re going to encounter. I’m going to be pretty vague in describing the circumstances you’re going to find yourself in since I don’t want to create some sort of space-time paradox, and everyone’s going to be pretty suspicious if you manage to get out of a few crises easily. They’d all want help from themselves five years into the future. That’s going to create a massive headache now, is it? I mean, I don’t want to spend time researching the winning lottery numbers for 2006.
Anyway, you gotta keep your head up, young man. Right now you’re 23 and life’s peachy but sooner or later you’re going to feel like the sky’s going to land on your head and you’d be totally unprepared for it.
And now I’m going to give some nuggets of wisdom. In bullet form, so your attention span can take it:
- Don’t be afraid to quit when you’ve already hit a brick wall. It will save you a lot of headaches.
- You think that wearing your heart on your sleeve makes you look like some sort of romantic, but in reality you’re just coming of as some whiny self-important jerk.
- You’re going to swallow a lot of your pride. You’re not gonna like it.
- You’ll find yourself doing a lot of things you never thought you’d be capable of.
- Try acting like a jerk around women for once, geez. You’re too nice.
- Also, once they talk about how wonderful sex is with their exes the night before in the middle of a date with you, it’s all over.
- Don’t overdo the asshole and creepy vibe though.
- You’re currently updating your blog with a new post every two days. You’ll end up getting sick of it though.
- Don’t stop playing the bass. I know at this point in time you’ve already given up playing, but an opportunity will present itself and you’re going to find yourself picking up that damn instrument again. You need the practice, because playing after a few years’ hiatus is going to hurt like a bitch.
- There are other bands besides The Beatles and Eraserheads.
- That girl listens to Cueshe. And Hale. That’s a dealbreaker riiiight there. Don’t even try to make it work. Trust me.
- You’re going to end up rejected quite a number of times. It’s brokay. Laugh it off. Beer is the best solution.
- Oh, yeah. You’re also going to start drinking.
- Lay off the cookies because you won’t believe what my waistline is right now. Show a little consideration for your future self, asshole.
- No, we still don’t have flying cars in the future.
- Dressing up as a bear and then running around Ortigas Center while screaming “EMBOTIDOOOOOOO” and touching random people in an inappropriate manner is not exactly the best way to spend the afternoon. Trust me on this.
Anyway, that would be it. Happy Birthday, man. You’re young and all. You gotta enjoy life. Stop sweating the small stuff, because it won’t matter anyway. And no, don’t have that Big Mac for lunch. You’re thin, yes, but you gotta go on a fucking diet already.
See ya around,
27-Year Old Ade
Posts of birthdays past:
- 23 today
- I’m Old! And Broke! And Fat! Happy Birthday Yay!
- Adulthood is Overrated. I Want My Money Back. (Obligatory Birthday Post)
- Bobby Anti-Theft Backpack Review: A Well-Realized First Generation Product
- New on WAG: Bad Vampire Erotica, ‘Doctor Who’ Survival Guide, and More
- Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Geeky Friend (Who May or May Not Be Named Ade)
- The Lapsed Gamer: What I’m Currently Playing
- ‘The Beatles: Eight Days a Week – The Touring Years’ Review