Down The Highway: An Advice Column for Emos 13

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Dear DtH,

I’ve been single all my life. I seriously don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to catch the eye of every girl I meet since day one. I really don’t know where I’m going wrong, you see I’ve tried to be outgoing, mysterious, and charming, but it still doesn’t work. I also tried the sensitive artist approach, but somehow crying buckets seem to have scared the women away.

I heard the women like their guys emo, so I went off and got an emo hairdo. Also I slathered a ton of hair care products on my head. I now look like this:

So, ladies, any takers?

Lovingly yours,

~*~ xXx_eM0_bH0i_s@m21_xXx~*~

Dear ~*~ xXx_eM0_bH0i_s@m21_xXx~*~,

… Thanks for sharing your picture with us, I guess? Also, what the heck, “So, ladies, any takers?” When did DtH become a personals page?

Okay, I don’t understand how you can’t get any women. I mean, it’s probably not just looks, you know. Look at this guy:

So you, don’t lose hope! You’ll find the girl of your dreams. Somehow.

In case you’re still at a loss, you can probably try taking this online quiz called James, so you can figure out what the heck you’ve been doing wrong all this time. It’s pretty easy, you’ll just be given a bunch of situations you usually find yourself in in the middle of a date. It’ll give you the reason why you’re single after you answer everything!

Actually, I took that quiz, and this is my result:

Quiz by Onlinedating.org
Quiz brought to you by Online Dating

You might want to consider that online quiz, brotha. It will help you a lot.

Lonely are the red skies above me,
DtH