Noisy Noisy Man | pinoy funny website, blog, jokes, comedy, humor, reviews | your daily dose of retard

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My previous blog entry got a grand total of zero comments. Except maybe for that Nigerian dude who wanted to give me his riches for a small price (I’m wiring him my life savings as we speak) and that Japanese girl who wanted me to install this program so I can see her tits. Right now, I’m kind of distracted because as I’m running the installer, all my anti virus programs are going haywire with all sorts of apocalyptic warnings of doom. I can’t concentrate on the tits I’m about to see, dammit.

Tits

Anyway, yeah. Blog. No comments. Zilch. Nada. Hence, I spent like five hours on the phone with Marck complaining about people not caring at all about the impending Zombie Apocalypse. After realizing that all he made are empathic grunts, I threatened to break into an animal shelter and look for the cutest kitten and step on it as he looked. It was by then he decided to speak up. The following conversation ensued:

“Ade, that Zombie article sucked,” he sighed.

“NOT LISTENING I’M GOOGLING FOR THE NEAREST ANIMAL SHELTER NOW”

“Ade, you gotta listen to me. I have the 2009 Philippine Blog Awards Best Commentary Blog ™ and I get posts with zero comments all the time!”

“AHA FOUND ONE NOW I’M LOOKING UP THE ADDRESS IN GOOGLE MAPS”

“Ade-”

“GOING THERE TO PICK UP A KITTEN I’LL DROP BY YOUR HOUSE IN AN HOUR I’M WEARING STEEL TOE BOOTS” (more…)

Dear Future Zombie Overlords,

How are you guys? I know you’re really not into small talk, and there really is no reason for you guys would want to talk to us puny humans, especially after the Great Zombie Uprising of the Future will decide that we are inferior to the undead.

I don’t know where I’ll be when the time comes. I can hope to be alongside my fellow living humans, fighting for human survival, and probably kicking zombie ass every now and then. But since we all know I have the survival skills of a prairie dog, I’d probably be zombie and I’d be the fat stinky zombie who will comically stagger towards the female love interest of the hero. I’ll also get my brains blown out within five minutes of the Great Zombie Uprising of the Future. (more…)

Friday evening found me with fellow finalist Madz and her boyfriend, rushing to get to PETA Theater on time. We were running late for the 3rd Philippine Blog Awards, and as expected traffic wasn’t cooperating with us. The bus ride to Cubao LRT took ages, and the lines in the LRT station were horrible, and when were finally able to land at Gilmore, there were no taxis around.

So we spent around 30 minutes, dressed in awards attire (well, I was going for the homeless wino look anyway so I didn’t mind), running around a gas station trying to flag a taxi. Half an hour later we went “fuck it, we’re tired” and I flagged a tricycle. Yep, going to a prestigious event in a tricycle. Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?

So we traversed the streets of New Manila in a tricycle. I was sitting behind the speed demon driver, hanging on for dear life, while Madz and her boyfriend were seated snugly inside the sidecar. When we reached PETA Theater, I jumped off the trike, sweaty and panting, for all to see. Noelle, Marcelle, Marck, and Karen stared in the other direction rather awkwardly, trying to avoid my glance as I attempted to greet them. (more…)

Hello everyone. My name is Ade, and I own this blog. Please don’t hurt me.

I’ve spent three years of my life dedicated to a blog chronicling my various failures while at the same time becoming the largest repository of dick jokes on the internet. When a website’s tagline is “your daily dose of retard,” it’s pretty obvious that this site won’t imbue you with life’s lessons upon reading its contents. Of course, if you consider open letters to people who constantly touch the peepees and weewees of other people on trains important life lessons. (It is, for me)

I think there’s a red flag or two somewhere that says this blog isn’t really something that adds anything meaningful to the blogosphere. Heck, I’m pretty sure I’d be having a hard time looking for at least 5 bloggers who are willing to acknowledge my site’s existence. I swear, this dude probably has more legitimacy than I do.

Or even this guy.

That said, I ended up as a finalist in the 2009 Philippine Blog Awards.

Yeah, I went “huh?” too.

Okay, I’m up against some really tough guys like Good Times Manila (hAllUr p0wH Deejay), Hay! Men and Indolent Indio, so it’s pretty obvious that I’m not putting my hopes up (this Ade, whatta fishing for compliments).

Anyway, if by some weird twist of fate I do win Best Humor Blog, I promise to not strip off my clothes and run around the stage butt naked. Yeah. (more…)