Noisy Noisy Man | pinoy funny website, blog, jokes, comedy, humor, reviews | your daily dose of retard

Get your Recommended Daily Dose of Retard.
If you like my blog, you should subscribe via RSS or email and help save innocent puppies!

Today, I’m 26. I’m seriously beginning to dread this one number added to my age every year, and for good reason. I’m now entering this stage in life that people lovingly refer to as “late 20’s.” I hate that. It’s like I should look at these other 20 year-olds and be this guy who’s pensive and shit and guide everyone through this hazardous wasteland called “the 20’s.” No, seriously. I can imagine myself smoking a pipe as I dispense advice to confused twenty-somethings about life, love, taxes, and the dangers of smoking.

But here’s the kicker: I am in no position to give advice to anybody. I should be happy, successful, and all that shit by this time, but as you can see, I log on to my interweblog thing every week to post dick jokes, which you people devour with such ferocity I sometimes wonder if anyone of you guys will devour my actual, physical dick with the same fervor. (to be perfectly clear, I was talking to my female readers. The hot ones who’d willingly get into bed with me without the aid of date rape drugs.)

Bah. This isn’t really the easiest thing to deal with, if you ask me. You know the feeling when you wake up, you realize that you’ve fucked up majorly and there’s probably no way to fix your life? Yeaaah, that’s the feeling I get every morning. Really not the happiest thing, if you ask me.

The strange thing about adulthood is that it’s when all these real-world problems come crashing on you. And in most cases, you’re not ready to deal with them, and nobody’s there to bail you out. It’s so fucking overrated. I oughta find the guy who told me that adulthood is probably the most awesome thing that’ll happen to me, second only to growing pubic hair (that also didn’t turn out too well, by the way).

(more…)

This has been one of the hottest summers ever. Who here hasn’t been complaining how humid and unbearable the weather is lately?

Case in point: last week, while walking to work, I smelled something burning while I was in the middle of Ortigas. Also, I felt something at my feet. I figured out that the soles of my shoes have melted, and I’m in trouble. But I just actually just stepped on a big steaming pile of doggy shit. But that isn’t the point. (more…)

I started this Holy Week thing with high hopes. This year, I hoped to start reflecting and doing some inner discovery stuff like that. I mean, after the major fail that was last year, I’d rather do something positive for myself for once. And by positive, I mean anyhing that gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, not unlike wanking off. Except that I’ll try not to wank off.

I failed.

Don’t get me wrong. Also, don’t judge me. I tried really hard to be a good citizen last week, but really, the internet wouldn’t let me. Also, I’ve discovered a new way to shift the blame of whatever bad shit I do: I blame the internet. You should try it too. Saaya Irie pictures giving you weird tingly crotchal feelings about underage girls? Blame it on the web. Reading about the Manson family giving you the urge to do a similar killing spree? Internet. Strange urge to go limpwristed and to speak in swardspeak for the rest of your life? Interfuckingnet. Charush. (more…)

Since the beginning of this advice column dedicated to helping out those who are helplessly unable to find happiness, we have come to realize that we at Down The Highway have neglected a significant portion of our readership: the zombies.

Last Thursday, one avid zombie reader visited the DtH offices. Since his brains were already hanging out of his nose, we panicked. Shotguns, crucifixes and wooden stakes were produced and used on our hapless visitor. After a failed attempt to kill him (and losing two of our interns in the process), it was clear that it was just an unfortunate misunderstanding: he just wanted to pour his heart out over a lost love.

“You see, there was this girl, and she dumped me for a sparkly vampire…”

We learned an important lesson: zombies may look different, they may smell like five year-old rotting flesh, and yes they are indeed rotting (because you know, they’re kind of dead), but they have feelings like you and me. The next time you see a zombie, don’t run away; he may be after your brains, but chances are he’s after your heart as well. Don’t be racist. In fact, we’ll soon hire a zombie staffer (in the spirit of zombie-human solidarity) once we figure out how to keep him from attacking people during office hours.

And now we’re going to publish some of the zombie letters that we received over the years. (more…)

I dont get it. Why sila super bilib na bilib kay Sarah Geronimo? Eh hinde naman sya marunong kumanta LOL.

(more…)