Noisy, Noisy Man

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As everyone and their grandmother knows, I am a geek. Just take one glance at my stuff and you can arrive at the same conclusion because of my extensive comic book collection, various gadgets (and by “gadgets” I mean iPods and not Fleshlights, you perv), and my uncanny (“uncanny” meaning “horribly bad it’s unbelievable”) fashion sense.

Also, my extensive knowledge of all things Maria Ozawa, the fact that I surf the net a little more than your average 25-year old, and that I was the only one who was able to get Google Calendar to work in the office is kind of a dead giveaway. Anyway, my point: for a geek who revels in technology as much as I do, I’m beginning to hate it. A lot. Read the rest of this entry »

Let me get this out of my chest: Valentine’s Day is a big crock of shit.

Sure, it feels good dedicating one whole day to love. And of course, if you’ve got dates and all, it wouldn’t hurt to blow a fortune on flowers, chocolates, various stuffed animals, and motel fees just to make your beloved feel good. Maybe I’m just a bit bitter because I did spend a fortune on that stuff (except for the motel fees; I’m a God-fearing citizen who believes in abstinence) and for all intents and purposes I’ll be sucking dicks along EDSA for 20 pesos a pop just to get through the rest of the month.

Women love it when men go out of their way to spend loads of money for something impractical and will rot for a few days. And us men would want nothing more than the adulation and happiness (read: blowjobs) that comes out of that herculean effort. I strongly believe I could save my time by going up to my girlfriend and dumping the entire contents of my wallet in a paper shredder while screaming “I LOVE YOU! SEE?! I’M DESTROYING MY LIFE SAVINGS FOR YOU! ALSO PAY FOR DINNER BECAUSE I’M OFFICIALLY BROKE”. Read the rest of this entry »

As most of you know, I love food. You know, you can take one glance at my humongous frame and you’d probably conclude that I love food. Also, the five chilidogs I have in my mouth would be a pretty good giveaway. In fact, I love food so much I could probably name a few (twenty) sexual deviations involving food that I probably have don’t have.

Who would’ve thought that my love for food would actually be a social impediment?

I was eating in KFC with Wits and Baddie, stuffing our faces as usual with chicken and discussing the merits of KY Jelly when applied to financial situations in the context of the current global economic meltdown. Don’t ask.

So we soon realized that we ran out of gravy. And somehow there was only one gravy thermos in a floor of around fifty gravy-eating customers. Fifty murderous gravy-eating customers who are desperate for it. Read the rest of this entry »

In Final Crisis #7, the evil overlord of Apokilips, Darkseid, has become EVERYTHING. And Superman takes the damn god out with a SONG. Seriously. He fucking sings with all he’s got, and he fucking kills a fricking almost-immortal god with a song. Now, the awesometastic Dr. K is asking people to fill in the gaps in the narrative.

Exactly what song does Superman sing into the Miracle Machine to Save The World?

While Baddie has his own idea, this is what I think:

I believe that Superman is secretly a Bon Jovi fan and was waiting for the right moment to unleash all its fury on the evil god.

What do you think?

(Special bonus alternate universe panel)

Seriously, there’s no better way to kick off February’s round of Valentine’s-related posts than a couple of letters from our favorite advice column for those funny-looking kids we like to laugh at and kick around and lovingly call emos, Down The Highway!

Dear DtH,

- L0n3L3Y_3m0_gUrL_254641xoxo Read the rest of this entry »