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Happy New Year! This is a new beginning, people! New year! New DECADE!

So I finally did it. After months of saving up, I went out and got me a brand-new laptop.

You guys all remember the time when I bought my first laptop, right? I saved up for months so I can afford the super-cheap Asus Eee PC 701. I was kind of an idiot back then, and I thought that since all I did was to surf the internet and look for porn, a laptop with specs that were top-of-the-line seven years ago and running a stripped-down version of Linux was enough. Big mistake.

Sure, I had fun dicking around with various distros of Linux. I even got Doom to run on it. I even got an offer to write on a blog about the Asus Eee. And when I finally installed Windows XP on MacEnvy (Yes, that’s what I named my laptop. What.), it took me a couple of days trimming all the fat from the OS, and I did learn a lot (something along the lines of “do not delete the nice file called SYSTEM32.exe”), but two years onward, having a first-generation netbook that doesn’t do much kind of became a pain. (more…)

… wait.

This isn’t exactly what I had in mind, but um, Merry Christmas everyone!

May you have a happy holiday full of peace and love and wonderfulness and all that stuff that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Dear Ashley,

Hi. Remember me? I’m Ade. Am I glad to find you here on Formspring! We met back in college. Remember the party that Lloyd threw? The one where Sheena ended up puking all over your dress? That’s the one I was talking about. I just want you to know that I spiked Sheena’s orange juice. Didn’t know she had a low alcohol tolerance. Sorry.

Also, yeah, I know I had whiskey dick that night, and you promised to call me back once we’re sober but you never did. What the heck is up with that? (more…)

“Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! So, kid, what do you want to find in your stockings this holiday season? Come on and sit on my la-” the mall employee dressed as Santa abruptly stopped in the middle of his sentence as he looked up and saw that it was my turn. I was grinning enthusiastically as I waved at him.

“Yo, yo, yo, dude. Stop. Stop it.” the Santa said. “Aren’t you… a little too old for this?”

“What are you talking about?” I shot back. “I lined up in here fair and square! You can never be too old for Santa Claus!”

“What the heck happened to your childhood, buddy? Everyone knows Santa Claus is-”

“Fake? Dude, you’re going to ruin Christmas for these children. Tone it down a little.”

Santa scratched his head quizzically and mumbled, “I swear there was a sign outside that said ‘For children up to age 13 only’ there. After that little runt tried to poop on my outfit the other day, I thought I’ve gotten the worst-”

Little does this mall employee dressed as Santa know that this was actually my fifth attempt to line up at the “Tell Santa Your Wishes!” booth at this mall.

The first time had me bringing in a couple of screwdrivers. What I didn’t know is that they have guard dogs roaming the mall at night. You can probably tell how it ended. Then I tried bribing a few mall employees in various ways (I’m not at liberty to speak of this but I won’t confirm nor deny that it involved lots of thousand-peso bills and offers of oral sex to various people of ambiguous gender) but that didn’t work out as well.

So today I just walked up and gave a black eye to the fucker who was telling me to move it because the parents might think I’m a creepy sexual predator. After pushing ten security guards out of the way, I made my way towards Santa. (more…)

And just like that, it’s December again.

Guys, look, the end of the year is almost here, and what have we learned so far? My personal answer would be “2009 just about fucked everyone with its irrational rash of celebrity deaths, consecutive tragic typhoons, massacres, and loads of political turmoil.” Yep, 2009 has been one fucking fun year.

But again, it’s December already and I think it’s about time we relax for a little bit and think about Christmas. You know, be all loving and caring and all? (more…)

Before we go on to the review, I’m running this little contest. The details are at the very end of this blog entry. So read on!

I don’t know about you, but I’m a big TMNT fan. Well, not big enough to make me collect the comics and have Turtle-themed pillowcases to sleep on every night (that honor is reserved solely for Batman), but you get my drift. I did, however, wear TMNT sneakers (it’s green, with the soles pattered after their shells and it’s got a freaking pump!) and I ate that cereal that turned the milk green. Yes, I thought it was a good idea back then.

Anyway, what I really mean to say is I saw the much-awaited made-for-DVD movie, Turtles Forever. And I fucking loved it.

I have to warn you though: I’ll be putting in spoilers at this point. (more…)