When They Say the Chicken Is Hot, They Frickin’ Mean It.
17 Nov
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The girlfriend and I love this quaint little restaurant near her school. The place serves awesome pasta, ginormous porkchops, and their specialty, buffalo wings. You see, I love buffalo wings. If there was a kid in chicken wing school who bullied all those nerdy asthmatic chicken wings and gave them wedgies, it must be the buffalo wings. I swear, they have an almost genetic advantage in terms of awesomeness over all those plain stupid fried chicken wings. And let’s not get started on how wimpy and lame-ass tinola wings are. Sheesh.
Anyway, for the longest time, their menu has piqued my curiosity. Okay, anything with food names written on it makes me curious and horny, but you didn’t need to know that. So my point is that this restaurant serves the most number of buffalo wing variations ever. All my life I thought that there was only one kind of buffalo wings, and that it is heavenly enough already.
Turns out I’ve been living a lie all along. You see, there are four varieties of buffalo wings. And one of them is called “Wild”. Yes, wild. Like your mom last night.
Every time I eat there, this “Wild” buffalo wing teases me like hell. Like some stripper who tells you that she she wants you but no, you’ll never get her, no matter how much you try. Getting it on with a stripper is impossibly hard, unlike with your mom (Yes! You walked right into that!). I stare at it every single time (the menu item, not your mom), but I never get the urge to get it on with the wild buffalo wing. The simple description beneath the name scared me shitless: “It’s hot!”
The other day curiosity got the best of me and I ordered the wild buffalo wing. The girlfriend tried to stop me, calling me stuff like crazy, suicidal, and something to the effect of “you’ll be farting like crazy into your next two lives”. The waiter just stared at me with a look that said “Holy shit, don’t order the freaking wild buffalo wing, you’ll die. Just don’t die before you pay your bill ok?”
As much as I love spicy food that I put chillies into almost everything I eat (labuyo in ube cake: yum), the way people were treating me (like a man who was about to die) was giving the the creeps. So the food was prepared, an ambulance parked outside the restaurant, a lawyer specializing in last wills and testaments was called in, the waiter served it to me while making the sign of the cross, and a rosary and a prayer booklet for last rites was served complimentary with my meal.
Come on, these people are exa-fucking-ggerating! It’s just a fricking chicken, not a fucking murderer.
How bad can it get?
Not pictured: Ade screaming “POTANGENA! TUBIG!”
Okay, so it can get really bad.
Moral of the story? When people tell you to not buy the stupid chicken, listen. Lest you want to end up with scorched tastebuds and run out of said restaurant screaming like crazy.
Also, I aplologize about that joke I made about your mom. That was a pretty low joke, and I’m sure your mom’s a sweet and caring person and did not deserve it. That whore. (OH SNAP!)
Any food experiences similar to mine? Tell me all about it!
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- Comments 28 Comments
- Categories Food Trip
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I TOLD YOU!!! =))
[Reply]
Ade replied with:
November 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
I know rite! =(
[Reply]
I see this post as a CHALLENGE.
ONWARDS!
RJ´s last blog post..Badeyes McBlind, The Querido!
[Reply]
Wait, where exactly can if find this place that serves these “wild” wings? My dead food blog needs a revival.
RJ´s last blog post..Badeyes McBlind, The Querido!
[Reply]
Ade replied with:
November 17th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Flaming Wings in Katipunan. Awesome pasta, awesome pork chops, spicy chicken wings that’ll make your u-u watery and spicy for a week.
[Reply]
You have to tell us the name of the restaurant. Please.
joyfulchicken´s last blog post..What’s that sticking out of his mouth?
[Reply]
Ew. You eat ube. :-&
Jewel´s last blog post..Merry Christmas Money
[Reply]
Ade replied with:
November 17th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Ube with LABUYO.
[Reply]
Perhaps Ade purposely left out the name of the place because of some legal restraining order or something? Or he really wants us to suffer the same fate as he did.
Sneaky bastard….
jhay´s last blog post..The Nikon D40 that blogging bought
[Reply]
*cough* pussy *cough*
Baddie´s last blog post..Luna the Laptop
[Reply]
Ade replied with:
November 17th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Sh- shaddap.
[Reply]
I WANT THOSE WILD WINGS! Will try it next time I get to katips. which will be NEVER.
Also, I saw in myth busters that the best way to fight the burning sensation on you tongue would be to drink milk. Imma need a pregnant lady with me!
avatar´s last blog post:84. Addicted to Plurk
[Reply]
Ade replied with:
November 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am
You want the Wild Buffalo Wings? You wanna shit lava too?
[Reply]
avatar replied with:
November 18th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
What’s the matter? I shit lava all the ti-
wait!
avatar´s last blog post:84. Addicted to Plurk
[Reply]
Flaming Wings! <33333 My housemates and I used to order the 25 pieces and have that for dinner, seeing who’d give up first. They have good pastas, too, and the boyfie and I once made baboy and split the breakfast sundae.
Helga´s last blog post:OY, WORDPRESS COOLEST BLOG COMPETITION.
[Reply]
I’m starting to loathe chicken. Chicken na naman. Araw araw na lang chicken. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, chicken. Pati ba naman blog post chicken din? *mumbles mumbles*
=P
Euri´s last blog post:Beyond Eternal 5th Anniversary
[Reply]
Oh, but the first picture looks so appetizing.
Mitch´s last blog post:IT’S SHOWTIME!
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Ahh, I’ve been to Flaming Wings too!! The BURNIKalo wings aren’t that spicy at all. Doesn’t even come close to zero in the Scoville scale. At least they’re not as oily as that of other restaurants.
[Reply]
I have something similar happen to me but in my case, there was no one there to tell me what that green pasty thing they serve with japanese food was and how it tasted.
After that, I found out what Wasabi was and that it was freakin SPICY!
Jaypee´s last blog post:WP Theme Review: Blak Magik
[Reply]
So wild buffalo wing has the effect of a Hiroshima bomb, huh? Iiiiinteresting.
[Reply]
last time i ignored a friend’s warning about spicy food, i ended up with a numb tongue for almost two days. i’ll take your word on this one.
Larry´s last blog post:halloween ‘08
[Reply]
I love spicy food! Where is this place in Katipunan exactly?
[Reply]
Ade replied with:
December 11th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
The place is Flaming Wings, near Pizza Hut. Tell me about it when you get to eat the Wild buffalo wings, ok?
[Reply]
Cess replied with:
December 12th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
i dont like buffalo wings or any wing part though. i like the breast part in a chicken. do they have anything spicy other than the wild buffalo wings?
[Reply]
Ade replied with:
December 12th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
You can try the chicken tenders, they have the same flavors as the buffalo wings.
[Reply]
The hotter the better, just as long as the sauce has good taste. That’s all I have to say.;)
[Reply]
Flaming Wings? Finally, a worthy challenge. XD
[Reply]