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Hey guys, remember Schmade? You know, that dude who gets laughed at while he buys condoms and he is so totally not me? Yeah, that loser. You see he was talking to Schnoelle (who is so totally not Noelle) just a while ago and the following conversation ensued:

SCHMADE: is it just me or is Maria Ozawa’s butt kinda… unreal?
SCHNOELLE: what if she isn’t even a real person? LOL
SCHMADE: you mean that butt I’ve been staring at all this time isn’t real?!:O
SCHMADE: and i fell for that?!:O
SCHNOELLE: you stare at buttS?
SCHMADE: I… I don’t.
SCHNOELLE: yeah, right.
SCHMADE: Look, she probably gave God a boner when he sculpted that butt ok?
SCHNOELLE: ok, filing that away for later blackmail.
SCHMADE: a butt of lies.
SCHNOELLE: it would be funnier if you said “a butt… OF LIES!!!”
SCHMADE: fine. Here goes.
SCHMADE: a butt… OF LIES!!!111one

Butt of lies?

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… I was treading floodwater.

In the picture: Ateneo celebrating their UAAP victory

The girlfriend watched the UAAP game yesterday, and we decided to have a nice dinner after the game while everyone around us was going batshit crazy because of the celebratory mood (or for Lasallians, gloomy mood) in the air. So off I went, and HOLY MOTHER OF PICKLES IT WAS RAINING HARD.

Not pictured: Ade getting soaked

Also, I forgot my umbrella. (more…)

Flashback to a few months ago:

So The Mordo and I were hanging out at the McDonald’s near the office. Also, we were taking shelter from the rain (and we were finding an excuse to not go back to work) when this Kylie Minogue song played on the muzak. Since we consider ourselves experts on nothing more then the female body and all the joys it imparts, The Mordo and I had a discussion on the apparent hotness of Kylie Minogue (FYI: she’s still hot).

This image is meant to get your attention

Anyway, in the middle of a debate on whether or not a masectomy can reduce Kylie Minogue’s overall hotness (it won’t), we had this rather… interesting discussion:

Mordo: “Listen to her voice, Ade”

Ade: “Yeah, I am, what about it?”

Mordo: “Can’t you hear the hotness?”

Ade: “Er… what?!”

Mordo: “No, listen! Kylie Minogue’s hotness! It oozes out of her voice!” (more…)

Last Saturday I went to Kublai’s Katipunan for my band’s gig, all hyped up and ready to rock. But with one major problem: I had a splitting headache. You see, I haven’t been getting enough sleep as of late because I like to stay up late and download all sorts of porn. But yeah, let’s stay on topic: porn. No, wait. I meant sleep deprivation.

So it was pretty obvious I can’t really rock out if my head feels like it was going to be split in two because of the pain. I just wanted to just finish the set and go home (and wank off) because of the goddamn migraine. But yeah, I wanted to rock off, right? So I just had to find a cure. I mean, what’s the perfect cure?

And there’s no better way to get rid of a headache than beer.

… right? (more…)

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Large Hadron Collider.

Guess what this weird-looking contraption is for? Well, aside from making jokes about it becoming the biggest bait for “large hard-on” jokes, it’s probably the most awesome thing ever. Before it kills us.

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is the world’s largest and highest-energy particle accelerator complex, intended to collide opposing beams of protons charged with approximately 7 TeV of energy. Its main purpose is to explore the validity and limitations of the Standard Model, the current theoretical picture for particle physics. It is theorized that the collider will produce the Higgs boson, the observation of which could confirm the predictions and missing links in the Standard Model, and could explain how other elementary particles acquire properties such as mass.

Make any sense? No? Okay, to make things easier to my readers who don’t have a degree in quantum physics (I’m pretty sure there’s a couple out there), the Large Hadron Collider basically tries to make protons run in a very large oval. A fucking large oval. An oval with a 17-mile circumference, to be exact. (more…)

Let me just take some time off from regularly not updating this blog and make an important announcement. The Philippine Blog Awards are on and we have the Blogger’s Choice Award, which is the only category there which we can choose. Well, I can go on plugging lots of people here, but come on, there really is no contest. There’s only one guy who deserves to win here: Mike Villar.

Picture by Bim

(more…)

So Friday morning found me running and being epically late for work (as always), right? You see, I could’ve taken a cab, but no, I had to go through a tricycle driver who overcharged me, jump around East Avenue to prevent my untimely demise (being turned into road pizza by a jeep or bus or pedicab or tank), and I had to elbow three women just to be able to ride one jeepney to the MRT, where I had to endure a car filled with construction workers who smelled like they were paid obscene amounts of money to not wear any sort of deodorant at all (Also, the way they stank, it’ll take nothing short of Lysol to freshen up the air).

An old image rehashed for relevance

 
And I forgot to mention, it was fucking hot and humid. I was sweating buckets by the time I got off the MRT at Ortigas station. It was rather weird, because I just came out of an airconditioned, half-filled, smelly train just 30 seconds beforehand. (more…)