New Relationships, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

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Tell me if you haven’t felt this when starting a new relationship after a series of failed ones: your past failures, whether real or imagined, will always come back to haunt you. Granted, the new girlfriend will most definitely be not be like my exes (Psychotic stalker-ish otaku ex? Psuedo-fashionista with absolutely no fashion sense at all and with an IQ of a turnip? Come on), but still, everyone comes from a string of failed relationships, and we all can’t help but blame ourselves from time to time.

Lemme ask you guys, who here hasn’t been through a shitty relationship before? We all get the urge to start a new one, but in the back of our head, we’d all have fears and insecurities every now and then. Fears like “you’ll just add this relationship into your big list of failures” or “goddammit you blow. At sex.” or “remember that time when you tried to buy roses and ended up in a car crash?” or “holy shit your penis isn’t big enough” or “Ade you better stop writing about this because you’re just opening a can of worms.”

But then, why should we be worried? We all learn a lot of things from the past right? The little yet important things like “the bird goes into the funhole, not the chocolate express”. And I also learned to check for bees when I give girls those flowers I stole from my neighbor’s lawn. I never heard from the girl again, though.

Another thing I learned

But seriously though, how bad can it get? The past is past and I’ve learned a lot. I think. I mean, I’ve learned what pisses women off (demonstrating your astounding burping skills is not the way to go, sry2sy) and what makes them tick (I’m think of something. Wait). So I think I’ve got a handle on this. No, really.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m gonna end up like this guy anytime soon:

 

Which is a nice change of pace. I actually feel awesome.

What do you think?