Hi,
First off let me get the obligatory inroductory speech out of the way. My name is Ade Magnaye, blogger extrordinaire. Internet celebrity. Rock star. Stalker magnet. Member of the awesomiffic group of perverts and child pornographers, The Man Blog. I usually order Chai Tea Latte, in the hope that you won’t see me as the usual frappucino-ordering ilk and that you see me as posh and shit. I bring my laptop everytime and pretend to surf the internet, but seeing I can’t afford your shop’s stupid expensive wireless, I actually stare at my desktop wallpaper every single time. I go every every other day to the coffee shop you work in so I could ogle at your wonderfully beautiful chinita face from a distance. And wank off in the bathroom.
So, dear cute barista, I hope you understand that I am no stalker. No siree, I don’t stalk people. Okay, there was a time when my next-door neighbor caught me hiding behind some bushes a couple of years ago, but that’s another story.
So yeah, do you understand where I’m getting at? No? Let me spell it out for you: me + you = win. Why not right? I honestly think I’m qualified. If you think of nothing more than calling the cops, let me show you some reasons you have to get it on with me:
- I have an unblemished criminal record
- I do not stalk people. Technically.
- I do not rape people the first time I talk to them.
- I know Linux. That has got to count for something, right?
- Internet. Celebrity. Booyah.
I deeply implore, cute chinita barista. Me + you = win. Now I shall publish this entry and I shall probably have my picture posted on all Seattle’s Best Coffee branches, with a sternly-worded warning to “do not let this schizoid in, lest he cause irrepairable emotional damage to customers and crew”, but c’mon. I look better than that guy you talk to for hours with apparent glee and happiness at the end of your shift. Okay, I would probably look better than a Jinggoy Estrada look-alike, but still. Also, your “boyfriend” might want to beat me up after reading this, so before his ape-sized fists land on my face and disfigure me forever, so I ask you choose me over him. I will give you hours of pure unadulterated fun. And overweight rock star secks.
Think about it.
Remember, underneath this blubber lies a heart so pure and fragile that it flutters like a gazelle in the serengetti whenever I see your cute brace-y smile. Wait.
Sincerely yours,
Ade Magnaye
P.S. You do understand, of course, that upon rejection of my offer you need to apply for a gun license because it’ll be necessary for your well-being, right? So there, no pressure.
Pingbacks to “An Open Letter To That Very Cute Chinita Barista At Seattle’s Best Coffee Tomas Morato”
35 comments to “An Open Letter To That Very Cute Chinita Barista At Seattle’s Best Coffee Tomas Morato”
Oh yeaah! I remember your next door neighbor, what ever happened to that guy?
“I would probably look better than a Jinggoy Estrada look-alike”
……..HEY!
Pau’s last blog post..Prodigal Son
Why do I sense this will be, yet again, another addition to your long list of rejection?
jhay’s last blog post..Now powered by WordPress 2.5
You stay away from my friends, ok? Thankies!
Baddie’s last blog post..Lessons Learned on April Fools’ Day
[quote]
…it flutters like a gazelle in the serengetti whenever I see your cute brace-y smile.[/quote]
That explains why you often stare at me with those huge lustrous eyes of yours.
Steel’s last blog post..JUMPER in five painstaking minutes
LOL! And LOL at Jhay! :)
My place in Quezon City is very near. Some of my friends may know her. :)
Toe’s last blog post..Kamuning Market and other Trivia on Kamuning
From a girl’s perspective, this open letter is cute and funny and witty and… hmmm.. couldn’t quite put a finger to it… let me see… it feels like one big warm hug and a feather-light kiss… hope your chinita barista gets to read it, maybe she’ll change her mind about her ape-sized fisted “boyfriend”. :)
Hazel Chua’s last blog post..Osteen’s Desecration of True Christianity
[quote comment="119916"]You stay away from my friends, ok? Thankies!
[/quote]
Bbbbbut!
[quote comment="119917"]
That explains why you often stare at me with those huge lustrous eyes of yours.
[/quote]
Have I ever told you that you look like a hamster?
[quote comment="119925"]From a girl’s perspective, this open letter is cute and funny and witty and… hmmm.. couldn’t quite put a finger to it… let me see…[/quote]
…creepy?
I think her name’s Maggie Monfero. ;)
FunnySexy’s last blog post..10 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
I could only imagine what his boyfriend would do to you. good luck, friend.
ROFL!
Euri’s last blog post..Euri Plushie!
[quote comment="119935"]I could only imagine what his boyfriend would do to you. good luck, friend.[/quote]
Correction:
I could only imagine what HER boyfriend would do to you. good luck, friend.
Euri’s last blog post..Euri Plushie!
I pass by Tomas Morato on my way home every night. Maybe I’ll paparazzi her and post the pic here…
*couple of days later*
Oh crap. I forgot I’m supposed to take pictures of the BARISTA, and not the customer. My bad.
Cheers!
Mark’s last blog post..Leah Dizon | Ashley Tisdale
So that’s why my Twitter has been awfully quiet… Ade is busy with offline stuff! Booooo.
I hope you score! ;)
Joni’s last blog post..Beware of Angry 3rd Graders
now that is cute. a bit perversive and stalker-ish but nonetheless cute :) way to go! hehehe!
sushi’s last blog post..night out with my childhood McDreamy
they said you looked like a celebrity. lol.
keysi’s last blog post..Teach Me Japanese!
Oh, so you RAPE people the second time you talk to them!?
utakGAGO’s last blog post..On Page 82: When Soul meets Body.
LOL!!
I’ve got nothing but a bunch of LOLs. I encourage your non-stalking ways. :D
Ann’s last blog post..Summer Break
I’m really worried for that chinita girl cause I think I know her. Hair up to her shoulder, Slim, Currently not working in SB Tomas, A student of UST pharma. Now the part that confuses me. Have you actually talk to that girl? did you know her name? I was having a second thought if that girl is the one I know or just another “cute chinita barista”.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tongue-in-cheek
dense – slow to learn or understand; lacking intellectual acuity; “so dense he never understands anything I say to him”; “never met anyone quite so dim”; “although dull at classical learning, at mathematics he was uncommonly quick”- Thackeray; “dumb officials make some really dumb decisions”; “he was either normally stupid or being deliberately obtuse”; “worked with the slow students”
LOL
And so?. ~.~
LMAO
Laugh you ass out biatch :D
LOLZ
Helga’s last blog post..TV5?S LIPGLOSS: LOCAL SHOWBIZ TRYING TO DO GOSSIP GIRL.
hahahahaha LOL
Sicko. I’ve been around with people like you for quite some time and I must say…they’re the bomb. I love em. I’m a psychologist btw and I think u need some help boy but don’t u dare seek for it. You should NOT be cured. The world needs some cracked entertainers like you.
But wait..
Here’s a piece of my mind… I bet you’re one insecure, craven, and flimsy sonnova bb in real life, aren’t cha? You talk too much here but you ain’t got no balls to act in real life. And that coffee shop girl can kick your ass in a wink (like that kick-in-the-gut she gave u when u saw her w/ that big-bellied-politician lookalike). :)
Peace.
Good job putting in anonymous insults! I bet you’re having a grand time hiding behind that veil of anonymity while insulting various people on the web.
Also, whoa, a psychologist! I didn’t know psychologists have time to anonymously troll people. I’m sure you haven’t even finished your bachelor’s degree yet, so good luck!
Also, fuck you and your stupid “peace.”
What’s a sonnova a bb?
Blackberry daw ata. :p