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Isn’t it awesome that we grew up with such wonderful toys such as LEGO, WWF Wrestling Figures, and Ghostbuster action figures? And now, imagine how sucky life is for kids today, for they have these toys to play around with:

5. Batman Water Squirter

C’mon guys, what could be manlier than Batman, that superhero that goes off into the night , beating up criminals and stuff? Heck, for a time I wanted to be like him.

Okay, not the sexual predator side of Batman, but if you didn’t find anything cool about having no superpowers at all, and possibly being the only guy who can take down Superman with nothing more than brains, you’re probably a girl. (more…)

In a few months I’ll turn 25. Afterwards, it’ll be like half a decade before I reach 30. Imagine that. Two and a half decades. And now looking back, I see I have this impressive list of achievements in my life so far:

Um, okay. Maybe I don’t have any real achievements at all. Except for that mustache. They can’t get any finer than that, nosiree.

So to help me out in figuring what i want in life, I’ve commissioned my inner child to give me a pep talk. Or something.

INNER CHILD:   So, you quit your job, eh?
ME:   Yes I did.
INNER CHILD:   Didn’t you enjoy your job?
ME:   Yeah, kinda. But c’mon, I can’t spend the rest of my life answering calls and helping rednecks find the start button. I have to plan and make sure I become a somebody by I’m 27. Or something.
INNER CHILD:   Oh shit.
ME:   What?
INNER CHILD:   You’re planning.
ME:   Yeah? So?
INNER CHILD:   You’re planning!
ME:   I honestly don’t see the point here.
INNER CHILD:   You’re *gasp* growing up! (more…)

Ever since I got me that ASUS Eee PC on a whim I realize that I’ve been spending more and more time on it than I’m supposed to. I guess the fact that I can fap off to porn in the privacy of my room is one of the reasons. And weirdly, the internet on my laptop is faster than on my virus-and-spyware-laden desktop computer. Also I’m getting the hang of tweaking my laptop’s Linux installation and it’s taking up my time. Finally, I’m pretty sure I just wrote more nerdese than I ever did in the two years of my blog and as a result I can actually feel the 50% drop in subscribers and traffic from here. You assholes.

“Halloes ladies! I’m Ade, hyuk, make out with me? No? K.”

I’m afraid that I’m becoming your regular nerd who locks himself up in his room, doing nothing but play around with Linux installing all sorts of useless apps. In fact, judging from the speed of my nerdification, I’ll probably get asthma in two weeks, lose whatever is left of my fashion sense and start wearing orange pleated pants with lime green socks, and get 27 pimples per square inch of my face. And switch my masturbatory fodder from porn to pictures of broken computer components. (more…)

This is probably my first collaborative blog entry with anybody, and I’m liking it. Well, Kring and I got tired of whining to each other about how sucky our respective love lives are, so we decided to collaborate and whine to you. So yeah, bear with us on the emoness and all. It is Valentine’s after all.

This totally makes sense AFTER you read the entire thing

KRING: I’ve been single for the past 22 years and I think I’ve somehow flaunted that fact like a tiara on my head. To me, NBSB = high standards. Not. In reality, I’ve cried a little too much thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’m not good enough. You see, guys only started asking me out last year. Hell, I had my first real kiss just before the 2007 elections and I have never received a love letter in my life. Not even anything that says “I crush you. Pautang naman ng pamasahe…” (I have a crush on you. Can I borrow fare money?)

ADE: I actually did that to someone. Y’see, I was broke way back in college and I needed money REAL badly. So I like looked for the ugliest fattest, richest girl I could find. So I wrote the mushiest love letter I could think of and then five paragraphs on I asked for a hundred bucks so I could afford to eat lunch. And then she probably fell in love with me then and there. Yeah, I got my lunch money but I spent the next three years of college with a fat girl hiding in the bushes everywhere I go. Also, it was scary- wait aren’t we writing about the Broccoli of Dating? Yeah, so I just got my 20th Valentine’s Day date rejection. And my fifth restraining order.

Read the complete entry, “Broccoli of Dating”, on Kring’s blog!

I never blog about work. You see, the last thing I want to see on my desk on a Monday morning would be a printed screenshot of my blog with a pink post-it attached to it with the words “YOU ARE FUCKING FIRED” hastily scrawled on it by my boss who probably was suffering a heart attack while he was writing it.

But this time I guess it’s time to finally put off that one rule because I made a decision I was putting off doing for the longest time. Remember thing I wanted to have #1? Last February 6, I filed my letter of resignation. In case you didn’t know (or care), I spent the last year and nine months working for one of the call centers in Ortigas, doing rotating gigs in the night, reverse-mid, and morning shifts, and taking in calls like this:

Ade: Now, sir, if you just very kindly right click on the icon-
Idiot: You mean right click?
Ade: Yes.
Idiot: Ah. Right click?
Ade: Yes, sir.
Idiot: Okay. Right click?
Ade: Yeeeees.
Idiot: Right click?
Ade: Yes.
Idiot: Did you just say right click?
Ade: … yeah.
Idiot: Right click?
Ade: …
Idiot: …
Idiot: Left or right?

I actually have no regrets whatsoever working in the industry, and would actually recommend it to anyone willing to sell their soul to Lord Satan for night differential (just kidding boss I need my backpay ktnxbai). (more…)

My earliest memory of Shakespeare was way back in 1993 when our driver, nicknamed “Shakespeare”, barged into my room in the middle of the night when I was asleep and- wait. Not that.

My other early Shakespeare memory was when I did my grade three book report on Romeo and Juliet. No, seriously. Well, actually, I was supposed to do my book report on Hardy Boys Casefiles #1: Dead on Target, but I saw that old, battered copy of Romeo and Juliet on the shelf right next to Rambo: First Blood. Yeah, leave it to me to pick up a sissified love story over Rambo awesomeness.

Yeah, I was stupid. As stupid as this:

So I read the play, and I understood it as much as a grade three student would: not much. So i ended up writing a book report which I was saying “What the fuck am I doing” every three minutes or so. I mean, seriously. “Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast not there for the goose”? What was Shakespeare smoking?

Also, I flunked the book report.

So began my lifelong hatred of anything Shakespeare. Sorry William, I know we share the same birthday, but you bore me to death. The fact that I saw an extremely lifeless and boring rendition of a Filipino translation of As You Like It back in college didn’t help.

Now that I’m done with the obligatory long-ass boring intro, I can now get into the real reason for this article. I was invited by Lorna Lopez to watch Repertory Philippines‘ latest offering, a reimagined production of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. (more…)

In a few weeks, almost everyone I know will be celebrating Valentine’s Day. You know, that day where chocolate manufacturers, contraceptive vendors, and seedy motels will make a killing. Also, it’s the day where everyone gets to shack up with someone and be generally happy. I, on the other hand, will probably be shacked up in my  room, watching the shit out of my DVDs of CSI: Las Vegas Seasons 1-7 while I cry my eyes out in loneliness. And lust.

So, yeah, I don’t have a date for the big V-day yet. It’s not like I haven’t tried. I’ve been all over my phonebook, calling girls left and right, asking if they could spare an hour or two for a valentine’s date. Even the ugly ones. But sadly, I’ve been getting rejected left and right. (more…)