The Anatomy of a Man Blog Article

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NOTE: Originally published for  The Man Blog.

We all get our Man Blog articles in our RSS feeds daily. We read it, take a good laugh, and then we forget all about it. But have you ever thought of all the hard work, pain, tears, sweat, and other bodily fluids your Man Blog Editors invest into one single article?

If you haven’t thought of the hard work behind these articles you read, let me give you a sneak peek into the top-secret Man Blog office to give you an idea. In fact, our office’s location is so secret that even I don’t know where it is. Those assholes.

So here I ask your favorite Man Blog editors (and by “your favorite” I mean everyone but me) all the questions you didn’t know you wanted to know the answers to.

What inspires you to write these awesome and kickass articles?

Steel: Once when I was going to my home in Tondo, a gang of drug-crazed maniacs converged on me. they were carrying pipes, guns, knives and broken bottles, and they were meaning to do me harm. Unfortunately, my Kryptonian physiology prevented them from harming me; in fact they landed in the hospital a good two minutes after the attack. I was christened “Ramil Bakal” soon afterwards and whenever I feel like writing an article, I just clap my hands and my newly acquired man servants get a typewriter and produce an article for me.

Fritz: As a rockstar, I don’t get inspired to write articles. I inspire the articles.

Mike: I get inspired to write articles whenever I think about the time I was acquitted of statutory rape back in 2003.

Baddie: Inspiration comes whenever a little child believes that I am non-imaginary and that my hands don’t smell like pekpek.

Bim: Inspiration? Bah. Entrust everything to Chuck Norris, and the articles will come.

Pau: My penis.

Do you research for the articles that you write for?

Mike: Of course. I take my time in researching so that I give my readers the most correct and up-to-date information possible. In fact, my biography of Jose Mari Chan has been hailed by critics everywhere as the most accurate biography of Mr. Chan ever published. I am waiting for my Pulitzer prize.

Squid: Where do you think I’ve been getting the information contained in my articles about rape? You stupid fuck, of course I do research! First-hand research, even!

Steel: The Fortress of Solitude contains every single piece of knowledge known to humankind. I just reference whatever I need from there.

Baddie: Why research when you can just imagine stuff?

Adam Mordo: I just pay one of my peons to do the research for me.

Pau: Just the other day, I downloaded the entire Wikipedia onto my penis!

Coco: Research? RESEARCH? What kind of sissy researches? Bah. Real men don’t look for information. Real men make it up.

The Man Blog has been, in a nutshell, one of the most politically incorrect blogs in the Philippines. Why did you ever choose to take this route?

Pau: Thank goodness you asked about my nuts. They’re like the biggest nuts you’ll ever see. Trust me.

Coco: You want us to be normal? And do what, blog about blogging? You. Fag.

Fritz: Don’t look at me. It’s not my fault if I inspire such politically incorrect articles.

Squid: For the life of me, I seriously do not understand why rape is considered politically incorrect.

Steel: There is no equivalent in Kryptonese for “political correctness.”

Mike: I invented political incorrectness. Have you seen the hate sites put up against me? I have three so far.

What is your usual writing routine?

Bim: Well, as a practitioner of Norristiandom, I do these rituals for me to be able to get the blessings of The Norris: light incense, meditate for one hour, pray for two hours, and then human sacrifice. Y’know, the usual.

Squid: I hide in a dark alley, waiting for some unsuspecting girl to pass by. Then first I make sure that she does not look like she knows how to do karate, then I pounce on her with a handkerchief soaked with chloroform, then when she passes out, I take her back to dark alley,  and- wait, did you say “writing routine”?

Steel: I usually try to cram in a TMB article or two after I save the world from an alien invasion. Then I wash the dishes.

Pau: I just usually finish off thee Rubik’s Cubes all at once while my penis does my writing for me. Naked.

Coco: I just usually stare at a blank screen for an hour, then I make some animated .GIFs about some murderous socks screaming out “Tsupa!” or something mature like that, THEN I wite about it.

Baddie: I have to wait for somebody to imagine me first before I can materialize and use the computer.

Mike: I don’t need to write. I gots me a Macbook, yo!

Fritz: I seriously don’t have time to write. I’m too busy dodging my legions of adoring female fans.

Aside from TMB, what else takes up your tme?

Fritz: Warbook.

Bim: Warbook.

Mike: Warbook, yo!

Pau: My penis. And Warbook.

Adam Mordo: Warbook.

Steel: Warbook.

Coco: Warbook.

Bim: But, Cockles, you don’t have Warboo–

Coco: Shut up, dammit!

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