Noisy, Noisy Man

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Sometimes, I swear, there is a big conspiracy that purports to make little kids a sex-crazed generation. How, you may ask? You see, toys like Bratz teach little girls how to dress as skankily as possible, Dora Aquapets make for very private bedroom fun for all ages, and childhood heroes like Jamie Lynn Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton could actually testify that alcoholism, teenage pregnancy, and uploading sex videos on the internet are actually cool.

So where does it all bring us? Just the other day I was taking a leisurely stroll in a mall when I chanced upon this toy:

A Spider-Man web flicker pack. You have a webslinger and some rubber webs, and then you flick them all over the place, much to the chagrin of your folks. “Oh look! Our son’s throwing away expensive molded rubber all over the place! I bet we’ll never get to find some of those things and our cat will probably choke on them and die and we’ll all go to jail for cruelty to animals or something. Way to go, son!”

Looks innocent, right? Wrong. Read the rest of this entry »

NOTE: Originally published for  The Man Blog.

We all get our Man Blog articles in our RSS feeds daily. We read it, take a good laugh, and then we forget all about it. But have you ever thought of all the hard work, pain, tears, sweat, and other bodily fluids your Man Blog Editors invest into one single article?

If you haven’t thought of the hard work behind these articles you read, let me give you a sneak peek into the top-secret Man Blog office to give you an idea. In fact, our office’s location is so secret that even I don’t know where it is. Those assholes.

A Man Blog editor in action

So here I ask your favorite Man Blog editors (and by “your favorite” I mean everyone but me) all the questions you didn’t know you wanted to know the answers to. Read the rest of this entry »

This is seriously one of the times where I have absolutely nothing to write about. Seriously. So after two years of resisting, I finally raise the white flag and answer a meme. Yes, a meme. On my blog. Stop laughing. Seriously. No, seriously, stop it.

Google Image Search result for “meme”

So I was tagged by the lovely Homesick Pinay April Zara, who we at The Man Blog were lucky enough to have interviewed her for a LAMEcast last year. Also, she was the one who started this whole “Ade looks like Dominic Ochoa” thing that everybody isn’t letting me off the hook anytime soon. Right, April? Thanks for bringing back horrible memories. Again, stop laughing.

Anyway, the meme asks one simple question: what things do you want to have this 2008?

Stop laughing. Seriously. P- please. Like now. Read the rest of this entry »

So I was writing about the recent Trinoma Blogger Food Tour which I recently participated in, right? I was in the middle of a five-paragraph, 1,500 word article which I slaved over for two days already.

I actually wrote an awesome entry about the awesome people I hung out with (Lauren, Fritz, Noemi, Juned, Jayvee, Jonas, Eric, AJ) and the awesome people I met (Kring, Coy, Dementia, and that girl blogger in glasses who I never actually got to know the name of but I made a fool out of myself in front of her all the same), the awesome band Sound (which, incidentally, is my favorite band – read my review of their 2nd album) and of course the food! Food, glorious food!

I mean, just look at this nifty piece of kit:

SCROTUM BREAD!

I mean, they even come in pairs! Exactly just like scrotum! Talk about awesome, right? Read the rest of this entry »

Ade:   This morning, I found three gray hairs on my head.
Inner Child:   So?
Ade:   That means I’m growing old, you insensitive sonofabitch.
Inner Child:   And tell me again, why should I care?
Ade:   Um, because you’re part of my subconscious?
Inner Child:   And?
Ade:   I knew it, you couldn’t care less if I’m on the road to growing old. I’ll go find somebody to talk to.
Inner Child:   Wait, wait. You’re growing old?
Ade:   Apparently, yes. Y’see, we humans have something called a BODY. A body, which parts of the ego -like you- do not have, ages. And therefore, when the body ages, stuff happens, like an aching back, a thinning hairline, an expanding belly and an inability to sustain an erection for more than three seconds. And oh yeah, white hair.
Inner Child:   You mean… you can’t keep your birdie stiff for more than three seconds?
Ade:   NO! I didn’t mean me, I meant–
Inner Child:   But you just said–
Ade:   My point is, I’m growing white hair and I feel old.
Inner Child:   But what about your bird?
Ade:   Let’s not talk about THAT, okay? Read the rest of this entry »