A few months ago, I talked at length on the pitfalls of being the Gay Best Friend Only Straight. And if you don’t remember (or too lazy to click that link), I concluded that girls treat me as such because I’m too nice. I mean, not nice enough to trust me with your sister, but still nice nonetheless. Well, months have passed since I made that conclusion, and here’s a progress report:
Progress? What progress?
Yeah, girls still treat me as a GBFOS. Other guys envy me because I can seem to get into the girls’ trust zone immediately and not set off any “rapist alerts”. But I tell you, it’s not actually pretty in there. Mainly because women treat me like a eunuch and you tend to learn things that you can be happier off not hearing. Like that time this one girl was having her period and she actually pulled a blood clot the size and shape of a squid out of her privates. Cringing now? Now you know how I feel.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s actually awesome for me to be able to win a girl’s trust quite easily. I actually don’t mind playing best friend to some women, because I have masturbatory fodder after a heartfelt talk about the vivid details of their sex lives. But weirdly though, as much as women trust me, I’m still that “guy who you tell all your dirty secrets to even if it’s plain obvious that he’s head over heels over you and hearing how much your boyfriend fucked you up for the nth time makes him cringe with anger. And lust.”
Yeah, it’s pretty fucked up from where I’m standing.
I find it rather weird that even if I’m probably the nicest guy you’ll meet within a twelve-mile radius, women seem to gravitate towards the “I’m gonna bash you and your dad’s face and impregnate you and eat the fetus out of your stomach while you watch” type of men. And where does that leave me? Patting their backs, telling them that someone better (me) will come along.
Women don’t tend to see us GBFOS guys as anything else but a dumping ground for all their misery, while we give big brotherly advice and stupidly step into the friend zone. And then we get locked in, with – as Noelle so eloquently puts it – “land mines, alarms, searchlights, and electrified fences.” So the knight in shining armor shtick we try to exude turns into a big joke. Awesome.
I guess I’ve been whining too much about this situation of mine and not doing enough to rectify it. Since I’m being too nice at the expense of my sex life and sanity, I need to do something. Anything.
Here are ways to make Ade awesomely desirable to women. Or at least a little less nice.
- I’d probably try to start smoking already. I don’t have any inhibitions on smoking a stick or two when I feel like it, but I think it’s about time I take it up as a habit. As in twelve packs a day. Minimum. I’m pretty sure by the time I stink like nicotine, I’m coughing like I have tuberculosis, my lips look like charcoal has been spread over them thrice over and my teeth look like they might fall off at any moment because of the accumulated weight of the tar building up on them, I’ll officially become hardcore and women will kneel before me, begging me to take them to bed. And impregnate them.
- I’d also wear leather jackets. Everywhere. Even if the heat in this godforsaken country of ours is beyond the average human threshold of pain, I’d still wear the shit out of the thickest, baddest leather jacket.
- Shades. Because dark glasses add to the “mysterious sonofabitch” appeal. I’d wear shades even if it was night and I was tripping all over various obstacles in the road. Image is everything, baby.
- Also, I think I have to start going to the gym and grow muscles. And take steroids. So I’d be awesomely buff. And also I have to start smashing stuff around with a baseball bat, punch random people in the face with brass knuckles, and I’ll be totally badass and I’ll have women swooning all around me like I’m farting pheromones or something.
Um, kinda like that.
So, what do you do when you’re in a GBFOS situation? And for the ladies, what can men do to NOT fall into the GBFOS trap?
Pingbacks to “Gay Best Friend Only Straight: Progress Report”
31 comments to “Gay Best Friend Only Straight: Progress Report”
Whoa! You got a new layout? I am soooo out of the loop. I like it. I just have to get used to reading using just my left eye. :p
Anyhoo mosey on over to Nick’s Multiply blog. He went as Sylar at New Worlds. Total badass. Smokin’ too. Maybe you should think of dressing like some sorta horror flick villain like Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees. That oughta’ get a girl’s attention. Just look at it this way, she’ll either like it or think you’ve gone wack. Either way, you’ll be off the “friend zone”!
awww…just be yourself.gay and with a pretty singing voice. bwahahahhaha!!! happy halloween!!!
cheska’s last blog post..music and dance!!!
I lurrve the new template! LOLz! Ade I cannot imaging you looking that way.
aLOLhapenny’s last blog post..Their Thoughts
it’s obvious you’ve gotten no where. But hey, taking up smoking as a habit is start, not maybe good but it’s a start.
Perhaps you could try wearing those caps in “perfect angle” mode so that women would be more attracted, or so they say, to you.
Otherwise, more bisexuals would. But hey, at least more and more individuals would swoon over you.
jhay’s last blog post..Comments + Luv = CommentsLuv
This is only my opinion but I think you’re fine the way you are. :)
Euri’s last blog post..Vista
One good post, Ade!
Cheer up! Cliche as it may sound…SHE will come! Looking forward to reading THAT post.
you can be bad ass with all those efforts, but something tells me you can never be a jackass towards women. and this, i think, brings you back to square one.
ie’s last blog post..gravity, part 1
A smoking habit doesn’t help. Trust me. Also…
“she actually pulled a blood clot the size and shape of a squid out of her privates.”
Thanks for sharing! Ass.
Baddie’s last blog post..Smallville Season 6 Joins My DVD Army
Okay. You just made it clear. You want to be an action man. Or an action figure. Or a stuntman.
COolnesS! Ade, jumpin’, rollin’, punchin’, kickin’, pwnin’, killin’, kissin’, suckin’, f*ckin’..
Oh. Action icons must do all of those.
Neil’s last blog post..Pinilakang Tabing – Another fearless attempt on Filmmaking
Dude you know what? I don’t remember saying that. Awesome! I’m eloquent and I don’t even know it! :D
I dunno. A friend always wore shades, smoked packs, and cussed like a mad man. He said it’s always for the girls. He liked to seem hard on the outside to get the attention.
Last I heard, he’s going out with his ex girlfriend’s ex boyfriend. *shrugs*
You’re good the way you are, Ade. Not a lot of sensitives out there. You’re needed. And not just to have someone to buy the pads when it’s the time of the month. No, really.
evilpupil’s last blog post..crush me into the wall, why don?t you.
oh mate, I feel your pain! I have the same GBFOS face that causes gay boys to chat me up and girls to confide in me. It’s not because we’re nice (although we are), it’s because we don’t have the air of a hunting predator when we talk to girls, that in itself will be enough to attract the right sort of girl if you keep at it! you don’t need to change a thing!
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i think it’s really part of every girl’s entourage to have an androgenous male around. who else would you go to when you need that male attention while you cry your eyes out after being ignored by some schtick you f*cked to the highest heavens?
who knows, maybe you can get pity sex? kidding. ;)
It won’t be long until one of those girls will realize that the man that they’ve looking was just there beside her all along. ;)
Btw, new look huh? :D
Jaypee’s last blog post..WordPress For Dummies
[quote comment="83819"]Dude you know what? I don’t remember saying that. Awesome! I’m eloquent and I don’t even know it! :D[/quote]
Um, at that time you were talking about… Bim. I hide nao.
[quote comment="83543"]I lurrve the new template! LOLz! Ade I cannot imaging you looking that way.[/quote]
So what’ll I do with this goatee I’m growing? Huh?
[quote comment="83735"]A smoking habit doesn’t help. Trust me. Also…
“she actually pulled a blood clot the size and shape of a squid out of her privates.”
Thanks for sharing! Ass.
[/quote]
SHARE MY PAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!11
[quote comment="83824"]I dunno. A friend always wore shades, smoked packs, and cussed like a mad man. He said it’s always for the girls. He liked to seem hard on the outside to get the attention.
Last I heard, he’s going out with his ex girlfriend’s ex boyfriend. *shrugs*
You’re good the way you are, Ade. Not a lot of sensitives out there. You’re needed. And not just to have someone to buy the pads when it’s the time of the month. No, really.[/quote]
WHOAAA!1
dude, i heard the sando-look has great effects on women. the exposed armpit hair gives you just the right oomph!
keysi’s last blog post..Cute and Charming! LOL! A Must See!
not even a little progress? at all?
mari_elle’s last blog post..Office with a view
HOW ABOUT WALKING AROUND PANTLESS AND PANTY-LESS WITH YOUR DICK SWINGING AROUND??? TAKE GINSENG FOR PERPETUAL ERECTION RAWK ON!!!!! RAKISTA NG MARIKININA!!!
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HOLY WOW THIS COMMENTLUV PLUG IN IS AWESOME!
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Thinking about going to the gym eh? Beware of the things that go bump in the shower rooms! :P
Btw, have you tried shaving your head? Some chicks dig that.
cyberpunk’s last blog post..Oh No, Not the Cemetery Again!
Hmmm…here’s something else you can do…
grow a bigger poypoy.
=P
Sorsi’s last blog post..?Everything is Big!? and other learnings?
[quote comment="84437"]not even a little progress? at all?[/quote]
Sadly, none. *le sigh*
[quote comment="84673"]HOW ABOUT WALKING AROUND PANTLESS AND PANTY-LESS WITH YOUR DICK SWINGING AROUND??? TAKE GINSENG FOR PERPETUAL ERECTION RAWK ON!!!!! RAKISTA NG MARIKININA!!![/quote]
Um, what?
[quote comment="84708"]Thinking about going to the gym eh? Beware of the things that go bump in the shower rooms! :P[/quote]
In a shower room full of nekkid men, if the soap drops… Do. Not. Fucking. Pick. It. Up.
[quote comment="84747"]Hmmm…here’s something else you can do…
grow a bigger poypoy.
=P[/quote]
And I should avoid women with teeth were teeth shouldn’t be. =P
Hey! There are girls (like me) who are into boys-next-door. And we also tend to love gays. But seeing that you’re somewhere in between, iunno… Aren’t you just happy you’re of a different breed altogether? ^^
FunnySexy’s last blog post..Rivermaya Bagong Liwanag
[quote comment="85488"]Hey! There are girls (like me) who are into boys-next-door.[/quote]
*pushes hair back, does a James-Dean-ish pose*
Erm, hi. What’s a girl like you doing in a joint like this?
don’t diss the leathers, ade… a bike, a leather jacket, and a floppy hat, and one is set to go places!
(who’m i kidding? chicks don’t dig jesters either, even us biker ones. :D)
the jester-in-exile’s last blog post..In the End, China Will Win (yes, this saying has had currency even among Pinoy manufacturing engineers)
i feel for you…you’re definitely have been yearning to step up the friendship of one of your girlfriends into a “real girlfriend” of yours that will soon to be your lover…
i think you should be happy that you’ve got something some guys are dying to have…
like the ability to attract the female human species to you without a sweat!
you’re a natural! maybe because we, females, can feel that “sincerity” aura of yours so please don’t be disappointed anymore…
but as what you’ve shared to us, it’s pretty obvious that you’re totally pissed off why girls are not seeing you as a potential romantic interest also known as “boyfriend/lover”…
you know what, since we (females) flock to you – we are very much aware that you’re a sensitive guy…
and that’s a winner! sensitive guys are great because they are also great listeners (which is sadly the only trait we, females, are looking for in a “decent” man) but i don’t mean to generalize the whole male human species out there!
i guess what you needed to do is to tell the girl you’ve been crushing for and who knows, she may have been crushing on you too and has been waiting all this time for you to fucking tell her straight to her face!
(if she accepts your affection – i’m in heaven!)
(if she rejects your affection – hello ticket to hell!)
regarding your sexual encounters, it all depends on the woman you want to get it on…
some women just wanted casual sex…
some wanted to have sex only to their boyfriends or to guys they “like” or strongly attracted to…
some women are plain nymphomaniacs who doesn’t care a thing because they just want to release all the sexual tension deep inside or i don’t know, maybe having sex is another way to be “self-actualized”…
(and then when she wakes up, why would she care to know that she just fucked a complete stranger like you in the first place???)
if you’re barely trying to hold on to your losing grip of sanity because you’re thinking why do i know these kind of “girly stuff” which makes you conclude that you might be GAY, which is CLEARLY NOT!
look, you’re definitely not gay because you’re definitely attracted to women – basically, your sexual orientation is indeed heterosexual, unless you want to experiment new things, encounters with the same sex…
all i can say is, don’t lose faith in yourself! there will come a time that a woman will come to appreciate all of your characteristics – highly admire your own unique traits!
i know you will find her in due time =)
you don’t need to change to a “macho image” or “bad boy image”…
it’s true chicks dig those kind of alpha male but a woman who is looking for a mature relationship will only look at decent guys whom they can see their “future with you”…so find that girl that can see her future in you – and while your at it, add marriage and having your own family =)
don’t be mad, i’m just expressing myself (i apologize to some men who will be offended in the following lines…)
i think it’s a bad idea to start smoking and making it a habit – you’re literally killing yourself…generally, we (women) don’t like to talk or worst kiss a guy who is a smoker…MAJOR TURN OFF! especially when you smile then you have black teeth and the scent of tar and nicotine – utterly repulsive!
wearing a black leather jacket is cool! wearing shades is also cool! drinking concentrated alcohol is cool! but watch out, if you’re thinking that if you have this kind of image, for the purpose to attract a woman to be your girlfriend…ahm…chances are slim…
think about it, why in the hell would we date a grim reaper? you’re lifespan is quickly shortened to 10 years!
if you’re thinking that doing this kind of things are good, please Lord God, you’re going in the wrong direction!
be health conscious! i know were young and we should enjoy our youth to the fullest extent, but just think of the consequences you will soon be enjoying when you will be in your mid-40s or mid-60s…
if you’re a heavy:
smoker = lung cancer / laryngeal cancer / heart diseases
alcohol drinker = liver cirrhosis / colon cancer
both? think of the unlimited possibilities that will really do to your failing health…
don’t look to desperate to find a girlfriend…
merely the act of desperation is in any way a TURN OFF to most women…except if she also has a thing for you…
don’t pretend to be someone else that you’re not….we, women, always love guys who are genuine – inside and out!
the best thing to do is just to be yourself! sweet, loving and caring…
i bet if you continue to be a darling you might hook up with the best hot “woman”
wishing you the best of luck! ^_^