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You’re sitting in your doctor’s office. The cheerfulness of the receptionist, the sunlight streaming through the windows like some cheesy movie, and the general normalcy of it all does nothing to assuage the clammy feeling you have in your stomach. That feeling that you usually get before something bad happens, just like the time you put your bird in the vacuum pump of that pool two years back. It’s been bugging you for the last week already, and you would like to know already what the hell is wrong with you.

The test results come in. You fear the worst, but you hold the test results in your hand, hoping against hope that your suspicions aren’t true. But there it is, that one word in bold black ink against the stark white paper.

Yes, just one word, and yet you feel your life has ended. That word is: POSITIVE.

OH MY GOD A HERPES! (more…)

So after the disaster on my (mostly nonexistent) social life that was the first Taste Asia Blogger’s Meetup at MoA back in July, I decided to just take it easy and try to avoid blogger meetups in the meantime because of the sheer number of temporary restraining orders I amassed just by attending the last one. I mean, there’s only so much my criminal record (and dignity) can take. So I was rather surprised when I read Aileen’s blog entry announcing that there will be a second blogger’s meetup at Taste Asia. I was like “Ho-hum, another blogger meetup, yeah, yeah, big deal— HOLY FUCKWITS DID SOMEBODY SAY FREE FOOD? I’M IN!”

So I pretty much convinced Rising Internet Star Mike “Fucking” Villar– who was hiding in some foxhole in Zanzibar because of the haters he gained from his infamous FOBcast– to join in. I spent many a night patting Mike’s hand, telling him to stop crying and after convincing him that a certain anonymous flamer (who actually works for Chinatrust and wastes away company resources surfing Mike’s blog) won’t really come into his room in the middle of the night and stab his neck with a ballpen, Mike finally agreed to show up. (more…)

“I’d like to have some coffee please,” I told the barista at the coffee shop I usually frequent.

“Certainly,” said the barista. “We have a splendid amount of choices. Do you fancy hot coffee, iced coffee or a frappucinno?”

“Erm,” I replied, taken aback at the number of choices. “Well, since it’s raining real hard outside and it’s so cold my nipples can cut through glass right now, I’ll probably go for the hot coffee.”

“Great choice!” he answered, with the standard fake enthusiasm that seems to be the de facto thing among baristas and telemarketers. “Now sir, if you look at the menu, the ‘Hot Coffee’ submenu has ten different sub-submenus with twenty items under each sub-submenu, so that you can choose one coffee brew tailored specifically for your taste–”

“Wait, wait. I just want a mug of regular, plain old coffee–”

“Ah yes sir, but, remember, you are special. You do not deserve to get plain old regular coffee. You deserve to spend a hundred bucks or more for an overpriced mug of coffee that you will nurse for an hour or two because you paid a hell lot for it, while you sit in our elegantly snazzy coffee shop, reading Paolo Coelho, which makes you look like a douchebag. Twice over. Remember sir, you are special.”

Doucebag Barista

At this point, I was getting quite upset. I could feel my blood pulsing on my temples, and my hands were starting to shake vigorously. (more…)

In this NoisyCast, I finally got Nick and Gen on board. We also had Ingrid do an awesome first take with us, but our equipment died after she left, effectively making us lose our data. It’s sad, because the four of us would be awesome.

Episode notes:

• Nick and Gen introduce themselves
• Nick talks about the Canadian accent and Celine Dion, among other things
• Gen tells us how she weaseled her way out of a traffic violation. And reckless imprudence.
• Gen turns into a felon
• We share horror stories of being on the road.
• I speak in a horrible accent that would probably get me fired if my boss hears this
• We spend 90% of the podcast being unintelligible and giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls

This episode of the NoisyCast was recorded at Fandom Cafe, located at Unit G-09 Regalia Park Towers, 150 P. Tuazon St., Cubao Q.C..

Also, email your reactions to ade [at] ademagnaye [dot] com

Episode length: 15 minutes
Background music: “Happy Hippo” by Cloud Cult

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If you’re one of those who don’t have a car and are used to commuting in and around Metro Manila you might be familiar, and most probably apathetic already, to the different modes of transportation available: the jeepney, bus, FX, MRT, motorcycle, tricycle, pedicab, kalesa, diyaryo bote kariton, inflatable raft, and roller blades. All useful for navigating in and around the dangerous streets of the metro.

But then, they’re only as good as the streets go. You see, here in the Philippines, we only have two seasons: drought and typhoon. And as useful as those modes of transportation may be, nothing, I mean nothing, can survive the OMFGWTFBBQ MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME LOOK THAT KID IS DROWNING LOLZ FLOODS that we get here during typhoon season, thanks in no small part to our awesome sewage system that still probably has the bones of some Japanese soldier from World War II in there clogging it up. And the Yamashita gold too.

Basically, when it floods, your vehicles are TOAST.

Pedicab + Flood = PWNT

You need a vehicle that will help you navigate the streets of Manila and help you avoid the flooded, most traffic-logged and mugger infested streets, and it’ll also help you empty out your pockets in the shortest possible time. (more…)

In this NoisyCast, I talk about:

• Why I am doing episode 1 solo and why Nick and Gen hate me
• Why drinking at 7am is a bad idea
• The lack of female readers begging me to father their children
• Judo black belts
• Some female readers (Sorsi) not respecting me

Also, I want to make the NoisyCast as interesting as possible. So please email me questions or anything, or you can just leave questions in the comments. I’ll read and answer them in the next NoisyCast. You can email me at: ade [at] ademagnaye [dot] com


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I just witnessed the weirdest thing in the world.

I was hanging out in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Ortigas Park with Noelle; we were waiting for Adam Mordo and Marielle to arrive when this van stops in front of the park. The van’s doors suddenly burst open and out came these Korean kids. There were like ten kids who suddenly ran out of the van into the park, happily playing like it was the end of the world.

Fig. 1: Reenactment.

Ten minutes later, the van opened its doors again, and as quickly as they disembarked from the van, the kids, seemingly with one mind, ran back into the van and boarded it. Like a swarm. Of Koreans. The van then closed its doors and left, leaving no trace of the Korean anomaly. And as quickly as they arrived, they were gone. (more…)