Hi, I'm Ade and I made out with Maria Ozawa

Personal 44 Comments


I’d hit it. Twice! Thrice, even!
– Oscar Wilde on Maria Ozawa


Fig. 1: Maria Ozawa

Okay, not really.

In case you have been living under a rock for the past two years, Maria Ozawa is this wonderfully beautiful Japanese actress who starred in wholesome family-friendly films such as “Obscene Nymphomaniac 5″, “Let’s Do It At School”, and “Popular Fashion Model Maria Ozawa Nakadashi Raped for 20 Consecutive Times!”

Wholesome stuff indeed. In fact, when I get married and have a family, I’m gonna show that shit to the kids. Twice!

But before you call the cops about a mentally-deranged fat guy who remotely resembles Dominic Ochoa who claims that he just made out with a hot Japanese porn star, I’d just like to relay a story that happened to a me- I mean a friend, from not so long ago. He basically was surrounded by lots of hot and nubile women, all of whom he was crushing on. All these women were out of his league, but still he managed to plod on, hoping that one of these would actually fall in love with him. But as all stories of fat guys who look like Dominic Ochoa and who think that they are God’s gift to women, he fails. Miserably.

I mean, what sort of guy, who upon introduction to the girl’s parents, would look at the parents with a look of admiration, and suddenly announce in a powerful voice: “I have licked your daughter’s nipples”?

But, you see, the story is about my friend, not me, so I don’t suck. And we’re not really close, so I don’t think I’d suck by association, right? Say yes, please. And I wouldn’t do a thing like that, because I’m the gay best friend, only straight. No girl in her right mind would introduce me to her parents. Or if they do, they’d introduce me as “Ade, the guy who I bring along shopping for makeup despite his protests to check out comics and guns and other manly stuff. What a weird. What does he find satisfaction in reading the latest issue of Justice League of America?”

At this point, I would interrupt. “Missy, just so you know, JLA is awesome. In fact, me and my friends dress up as JLA from time to time!”


Fig 2: No, we don’t.

I just realized that I’m not making any sense at all and that my readers (yes, the two of you) are probably scratching their heads off and are contemplating hunting me down wherever I may live and rid me of my misery. But what I wanted to say all the time is that I have a Facebook account. Please add me.

Oh look! A pink unicorn! *runs away*

Also, secks?

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44 responses on “Hi, I'm Ade and I made out with Maria Ozawa”

  1. Joni

    Haha, astig ka talaga. Natawa na naman ako. :D

    I guess I have been living under a rock for the past two years because I don't know who Maria Ozawa is. I mean, I didn't know who she was, until I read this post. lol :)

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  4. Prudence

    To Ade: Her name sounds familiar. But anyway, I only recognized the picture. Yummy siya. Can I you send her to me tonight? Aubrey already left.

    No, I'm not a lesbian. I simply like women, too, like men. Haha.

    To everybody else: add me to Facebook, too! Just search for my name, Tess Termulo. Hehe.

    To Ade (again): I hope you didn't mind that I'm plugging my Facebook, too. Haha! And, yeah, don't forget tell Maria to stop by my place tonight.

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  8. Ascognati

    I can't believe I actually know her. I mean, I used to check her pics out. Err… I mean I've fapped– err, I just heard her name from my friends. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, from my friends.

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  9. doms

    Hey!! I introduced you to my parents right? "As the innarnet guy who won't stop harassing my kid brother and keeps on slapping my butt in public". -__-

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  11. YNA

    Believe it or not, I know Maria Ozawa! LOL! Being in a conference that’s oozing with testosterone every night last summer, you’d get to be introduced to these kind of things! LOL.

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  13. Ronin

    MARIA OZAWA!!! Whoa!!!

    But what’s strange enough, hot Jap porn stars normally do it with ugly fat-ass guys on cam.

    Lucky horny bastards…

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  14. FunnySexy

    Maria Ozawa. Hmm… Yups, I’ve seen her in all of her glory, too. Guys dig her coz of her Eurasian features but wth, Aoi Sora is still and will always be my fave. I mean, I love Japan in so many levels and that includes Aoi Sora AND Kitagawa Keiko. I’ll have a menage with them in a heartbeat.

    And I thank God for broadband because really, those Jap AV dvd’s are darn too expensive.

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  17. Ade Post author

    [quote comment="62937"]Facebook!

    (notice how I completely ignore the first 6/7ths of the post.)[/quote]

    Well, you did ignore the parts worth ignoring anyway. :P

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  20. Rico

    I agree with a friend. Someone has to pull her out of Japan before it's too late! Faking high-pitched squeals calculated to turn on pedophiles and letting butt ugly men in. Whatta waste.

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  22. RJ

    I don't find Ozawa that attractive though, and my friends told me that even though she's HAWT, her porn vids were boring as hell.

    I wish I had friends who dress up as the JLA…

    Also, sauce of the JLA pic? Or is that you and your pals?

    PS. JSA > JLA

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  30. dpclb

    i acutaly have her real e-mail. and speak to her on msn occasionaly. i didnt actualy realise who she was until she told me she was a model and then i was like what agency and she posted a link to her site with her " family friendly" stuff and i was like. oh k.

    but shes pretty kl.

    i think someone owns her. shes not alloud to go on msn during the week

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