Get your Recommended Daily Dose of Retard.
Subscribe to Noisy, Noisy, Man via RSS or email and help save innocent puppies.
I’d hit it. Twice! Thrice, even!
- Oscar Wilde on Maria Ozawa
Fig. 1: Maria Ozawa
Okay, not really.
In case you have been living under a rock for the past two years, Maria Ozawa is this wonderfully beautiful Japanese actress who starred in wholesome family-friendly films such as “Obscene Nymphomaniac 5″, “Let’s Do It At School”, and “Popular Fashion Model Maria Ozawa Nakadashi Raped for 20 Consecutive Times!”
Wholesome stuff indeed. In fact, when I get married and have a family, I’m gonna show that shit to the kids. Twice!
But before you call the cops about a mentally-deranged fat guy who remotely resembles Dominic Ochoa who claims that he just made out with a hot Japanese porn star, I’d just like to relay a story that happened to a me- I mean a friend, from not so long ago. He basically was surrounded by lots of hot and nubile women, all of whom he was crushing on. All these women were out of his league, but still he managed to plod on, hoping that one of these would actually fall in love with him. But as all stories of fat guys who look like Dominic Ochoa and who think that they are God’s gift to women, he fails. Miserably.
I mean, what sort of guy, who upon introduction to the girl’s parents, would look at the parents with a look of admiration, and suddenly announce in a powerful voice: “I have licked your daughter’s nipples”?
But, you see, the story is about my friend, not me, so I don’t suck. And we’re not really close, so I don’t think I’d suck by association, right? Say yes, please. And I wouldn’t do a thing like that, because I’m the gay best friend, only straight. No girl in her right mind would introduce me to her parents. Or if they do, they’d introduce me as “Ade, the guy who I bring along shopping for makeup despite his protests to check out comics and guns and other manly stuff. What a weird. What does he find satisfaction in reading the latest issue of Justice League of America?”
At this point, I would interrupt. “Missy, just so you know, JLA is awesome. In fact, me and my friends dress up as JLA from time to time!”
Fig 2: No, we don’t.
I just realized that I’m not making any sense at all and that my readers (yes, the two of you) are probably scratching their heads off and are contemplating hunting me down wherever I may live and rid me of my misery. But what I wanted to say all the time is that I have a Facebook account. Please add me.
Oh look! A pink unicorn! *runs away*
Also, secks?
Did you like this? If so, please bookmark it,
28 Comments
Haha, astig ka talaga. Natawa na naman ako. :D
I guess I have been living under a rock for the past two years because I don’t know who Maria Ozawa is. I mean, I didn’t know who she was, until I read this post. lol :)
[Click to Reply]
Have I been living under a rock? Because I have no idea who Mario Onozawa is. Andd.. I don’t really get this post. But.. hurray for Facebook!
[Click to Reply]
[quote comment="62201"]Andd.. I don’t really get this post.[/quote]
Neither did I. I hoped that you could decipher it for me. Ktnx.
[Click to Reply]
To Ade: Her name sounds familiar. But anyway, I only recognized the picture. Yummy siya. Can I you send her to me tonight? Aubrey already left.
No, I’m not a lesbian. I simply like women, too, like men. Haha.
To everybody else: add me to Facebook, too! Just search for my name, Tess Termulo. Hehe.
To Ade (again): I hope you didn’t mind that I’m plugging my Facebook, too. Haha! And, yeah, don’t forget tell Maria to stop by my place tonight.
[Click to Reply]
I’ve heard of Maria Ozawa but not as well as you do. Haha!
I don’t have facebook! i’ve been living under a rock!
[Click to Reply]
Thanks for the mental workout, Ade. I needed one.
[Click to Reply]
What is it with you and pink unicorns? lolz
[Click to Reply]
I can’t believe I actually know her. I mean, I used to check her pics out. Err… I mean I’ve fapped– err, I just heard her name from my friends. Yeah, that’s it. Yeah, from my friends.
[Click to Reply]
Hey!! I introduced you to my parents right? “As the innarnet guy who won’t stop harassing my kid brother and keeps on slapping my butt in public”. -__-
[Click to Reply]
Akala ko tungkol sa HP7 yung ibloblog mo.
[Click to Reply]
Maria Ozama indeed looks yummy. Oops. Word check. Uhm. Maria Ozawa looks really yummy.
[Click to Reply]
Believe it or not, I know Maria Ozawa! LOL! Being in a conference that’s oozing with testosterone every night last summer, you’d get to be introduced to these kind of things! LOL.
[Click to Reply]
MARIA OZAWA!!! Whoa!!!
But what’s strange enough, hot Jap porn stars normally do it with ugly fat-ass guys on cam.
Lucky horny bastards…
[Click to Reply]
walang kasing labo!
Maria Ozama => didn’t know who this was til now but yum…
[Click to Reply]
Maria Ozawa. Hmm… Yups, I’ve seen her in all of her glory, too. Guys dig her coz of her Eurasian features but wth, Aoi Sora is still and will always be my fave. I mean, I love Japan in so many levels and that includes Aoi Sora AND Kitagawa Keiko. I’ll have a menage with them in a heartbeat.
And I thank God for broadband because really, those Jap AV dvd’s are darn too expensive.
[Click to Reply]
Facebook!
(notice how I completely ignore the first 6/7ths of the post.)
[Click to Reply]
[quote comment="62937"]Facebook!
(notice how I completely ignore the first 6/7ths of the post.)[/quote]
Well, you did ignore the parts worth ignoring anyway. :P
[Click to Reply]
So facebook is the ‘thing’ now. Glad I already made one.
Does Maria Ozawa own an account in Facebook too?
[Click to Reply]
she’s really pretty. :) and that man, well, is definitely her antithesis.
[Click to Reply]
I agree with a friend. Someone has to pull her out of Japan before it’s too late! Faking high-pitched squeals calculated to turn on pedophiles and letting butt ugly men in. Whatta waste.
[Click to Reply]
I want to grab that Ozawa picture. lol
[Click to Reply]
I don’t find Ozawa that attractive though, and my friends told me that even though she’s HAWT, her porn vids were boring as hell.
I wish I had friends who dress up as the JLA…
Also, sauce of the JLA pic? Or is that you and your pals?
PS. JSA > JLA
[Click to Reply]
Matagal ko na syang crush. HAHA.
[Click to Reply]
go to hell ugly!!!
[Click to Reply]
[quote comment="118742"]go to hell ugly!!![/quote]
Weh?
[Click to Reply]
weh, i think we did a video together. hehe!
[Click to Reply]
If you want a lot of people to add you up on Facebook, put the text “Maria Ozawa” on the title.
Lesson learned:D
Micamyx’s last blog post..Exploring Pangasinan
[Click to Reply]
I saw a pporn video nya once. She was a horny student dun and was Banged by her teacher. damn she was hot!! ;p
denxioz´s last blog post..DabawPinoy: People at DigitalFilipino.com and Davao Bloggers Event!
[Click to Reply]
10 Trackbacks
[...] Wholesome stuff indeed. In fact, when I get married and have a family, I’m gonna show that shit to the kids. Twice! Read the rest of this entry » [...]
[...] for dead in that place. And I would’ve been as good as dead too, if a car being driven by Maria Ozawa didn’t pass by and offered me a ride back home and we made out on the way despite my near [...]
[...] then? INNER CHILD: My point is that you whack off way too much at your extensive collection of Maria Ozawa [...]
[...] then? INNER CHILD: My point is that you whack off way too much at your extensive collection of Maria Ozawa [...]
[...] Japan, it doesn’t feature enough upskirts. And no tentacles. And there is a glaring lack of Maria Ozawa in the movie. That kind of transgression cannot be [...]