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Being thrust into singlehood recently after two years of awesomeness, I started dating again. And here’s what I realized: I have no absofuckinglutely no idea how to deal with women. I can’t talk to them without the awkward moment of silence with the ominous “somebody’s gonna get slapped with a restraining order and possibly be thrown into prison and buttraped by twenty convicts later” feeling.
Case in point: I just had this conversation over YM with a friend just now:
NICK: heard you had a date
ADE: It’s NOT a date. I won’t date her. It’d be like incest. Not even for the secks!!1
NICK: too much information
ADE: uh, no
ADE: if i told you I’m having cyber sex right now with a swimsuit model from brazil and I’m whacking off my 5 inches, that would be TMI
ADE: …. right?Nick has logged off the chat session
And in a moment of enlightened smoothness, I actually copy and paste that previous conversation to Ingrid. And this conversation ensues:
INGRID: wtf
ADE: I don’t have five inches. M’kay?
INGRID: ergh
ADE: I think it’s around…
ADE: I don’t know, lemme check it for you–
INGRID: stop it
Ah, yes. I am God’s gift to women.
Most action I’ve had in a long time
21 Comments
Poor lone member of the Spice Girls… ergh… the only Spice (gay? boy? goy?) Spice Goy, so eet sownds loyk som-wuhn frum Bri-tenn
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ade, don’t ask me why you can’t pick up women from the internets EVER again.
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not bad. for pokemon.
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Slut! Kamusta naman yun!
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You shouldn’t have said that you’re still going to check it. YOu should know it already! Hahaha! Come on, when was the last time you saw your —-? Hehe. Joke.
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how can u find the future mother of your children that way? hehehe
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So? What’s the measurement? We were kept hanging here!
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Oh-kay then!
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We had the right love at the wrong time. That is all. :’(
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That is really too much information. :P
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[quote comment="47555"]how can u find the future mother of your children that way? hehehe[/quote]
I will impregnate her. With mind bullets!
[quote comment="47525"]Slut! Kamusta naman yun![/quote]
Yun oh!
….Slut.
[quote comment="47452"]ade, don’t ask me why you can’t pick up women from the internets EVER again.[/quote]
But you never answered my question in the first place. :(
[quote comment="47592"]Oh-kay then![/quote]
I… uh… ah…. er…. Oh look! A pink unicorn! *runs away*
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You’re God’s gitf to women? Now I one more reason to doubt God’s existence! ;)
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singleton ‘kaw? Watch Over the Hedge.
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You need to find friends who aren’t so shockable :P
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you scurrr me!
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Naniniwala pa rin akong may tamang panahon para sa lahat. Nyehehehe.
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[quote comment="48266"]You’re God’s gitf to women? Now I one more reason to doubt God’s existence! ;)[/quote]
Why do I get the urge to kill myself? :(
[quote comment="48473"]singleton ‘kaw? Watch Over the Hedge.[/quote]
I haven’t seen it. DVD plsz?
[quote comment="48489"]You need to find friends who aren’t so shockable :P[/quote]
Like, um YOU? But we ARE friends, aren’t we? I mean, you bit me lots of times I have bruises all over my stomach.
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Wahaha ade, you silly guy!
can’t believe you joked about those kind of stuff. =P
anyway have a nice day!
cheers,
airah
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Bah. Women are complicated. Don’t bother with them. Try dating men instead. :D
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heheh this one’s a beaut
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If you just want secks, try manwhoring. You’ll get paid pa. Put up a tubero sign too;P Yun nga lang, you might get buttraped anyway=)
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[...] with him. But as all stories of fat guys who look like Dominic Ochoa and who think that they are God’s gift to women, he fails. [...]