Troubleshooting Your Girl: Dieting
1 Mar
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Dieting is a vital counterpart to every girl’s daily routine. Just like masturbation for us men. And unfortunately, we men do not know how to deal with the fact that our girls are eating like rabbits. I mean, our girls may be perfect for us, but in their little girly eyes, they still are fat. It’s because our brains are wired differently and we see things from a different perspective. I mean, I don’t know how girls can go for twelve seconds without thinking of sex, but that’s the way it is.
An example of what girls call “fat”.
This is what they call “just right”
I know, I know, you’re happy just the way you are and couldn’t care less about your potbelly and manboobs. But she isn’t.
So if you’re uncomfortable about the fact that a goldfish eats more in an hour than what your girl eats in a week, don’t be. It’s perfectly normal. You see, every three weeks or so, girls go into a phase called “self-pity”. They enter that phase when they see an absolutely lithe fourteen-year-old girl running around in a skimpy outfit. And since fourteen-year-olds have much smaller bodies than fully-developed girls, they’d be all bitchy and complain how much weight they’ve gained since they were fourteen. Whatever you do, don’t point out that she actually lost two pounds the previous week lest you get slaughtered by her PMS claws. Anyway, they take their frustrations out by starving themselves to death.
So how should we guys cope with dieting?
Whatever you do, don’t tell them that they gained weight. You see, honesty is indeed the best basis of any relationship, but not in this case. Feign temporary blindness, join the communists, whatever. Just don’t tell her that she gained half a pound. You do value your life, don’t you?- The moment you courted her, you signed an imaginary contract binding you to doing whatever activity she is obsessed with at the moment. That means you have to eat like a rabbit too when she asks you to. And by “ask” I mean “obligatory or else you get raped in the ass by ten well-endowed Koreans who are somehow under your girl’s payroll”.
- Your opinions don’t matter. No matter what you say or do to make her feel better, you don’t count. She has to get approval from Paris Hilton first before she can call herself thin.
- If your girl wavers in her resolve and downs five chocolate cakes in one sitting, get temporary amnesia. Never remind her of that fact when she complains that she had gained half a pound a week later. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
But why in the world should we keep up with our girls’ dieting, you ask? Well I know it’s driving you mad and there’s nothing else you want to do but to slap her silly to get some sense into her so that she’d learn to appreciate herself better. But think of this: after dieting, they enter into a stage where they look like a skeleton called “malnourishment”. And if they reach that state they enter a deep mental state called “happiness”. And if girls are happy, they want to have sex. You do want to have sex, don’t you?
So guys, keep your girls happy.
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Oh my god… someone throw that woman a ham + bacon sandwich, 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts, one roast turkey with gravy and a tub of chocolate ice cream.
Her bones, her bones are sticking OUT! Eek.
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And that “just right” girl thinks she’s hot and beautiful… NOT!!! NOw if she hears me talk, she’s gonna turn paranoid and check if she’s eating too much celery. Darn.
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Hell hath no fury like a woman on a diet binge.
People have different standards of beauty anyway. As for these bags of bones, blame fashion magazines. Hehehe. Hey, during the Renaissance, puson was hot, right?
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That’s a reallyy scary picture–sooo NOT RIGHT! Eeew.
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10 Koreans are nothing. 12 Koreans, now THAT’S something. Trust me.
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I’m a bit off because I wanted to get fat. But, lo luck. T___T
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I’m glad that I’m a male. I don’t have to put “dieting” on my daily routine, because if I was, I’m sure, I would be thinner than the woman in the picture. Lol.
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It’s not a diet. It’s what I like to call a lifestyle. Ok, ok. I sound like a fruitcake. ^v^
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I agree with Alex on the puson thing, lol. Just look at the famous paintings done in those times.
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Dang! I probably shouldn’t eat for a whole century to get a body like that of the girl in pic 1, then about a decade more for the 2nd one. What’s so wrong in being fat? *cross* Makes me go rawr! Haha!
Have to agree with one person here. Beauty is subjective. There is no standard standard. It’s the media, dude (dude sounds awful. eww). But of course I’m not defensive! *throws out all the junk foods and chocolates* I’ve never been much of a self-conscious person when it comes to my being fat.
Just don’t get me naked. Even I know that’s not gonna be a pretty sight. LOL
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Fat people are the reason why millions in Africa go hungry. Shame on you fatties!
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I love the last line. *giggles*
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lol@benj
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Benj – I wish there’s a scientifically proven reason for that else I’d really take offense LOL :p
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I don’t have anything witty to say but LOL!
P.S. The PMS claws is definitely true.
P.P.S. I do agree beauty is subjective.
P.P.P.S. Puson should be in again (as am growing one). Rawr.
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This shit is too funny because its sooo true… haha
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Okay, now Im forever wanarexic, but Ms Just Right is Ms Just EEEW EEEW EEEEEW.
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sorry to be an insensitive bitch, but thank heavens i’m slim lol.
and like Laasya, I totally love the last line, hehehe.
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A little OT: Dude, saw a serious WordPress database error when going to this link: http://blog.ademagnaye.com/category/ask-teh-noisy/dth/
Just thought you should know.
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I knew it.. guys really don’t care about anything but sex.. HULI ka Ade!!! Hehe!
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Okay, I’ll let my boyfriend read this. Pero ok lang if I think I’m fat ’cause Im really fat.
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Sarah, you’re wrong: sex, cars and basketball in that order.
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I’m willing to donate my fattening belly to those who want to nourish themselves. Hahaha.
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The world’s doomed.
If ever there’s an invention that could transfer fat from a person to another, I MUST BE A VOLUNTEER. Giving food to the poor would be an obsolete option: instead – GIVE FAT.
O diba. Tipid pa.
:) Daan.
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haha! this is so true! some girls think they’re fat but they’re really not. and it’s the boyfriends who suffer when girls get overly conscious. :)
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Not all girls go for dieting…
I compliment my sisters, my classmates and SpongeBabe by saying theyre getting fat.
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^ Let me guess, all of them are single?
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[quote comment="23273"]Not all girls go for dieting…
I compliment my sisters, my classmates and SpongeBabe by saying theyre getting fat.[/quote]
Maybe they’re lesbians or something. Haha.
Anyhoo, thanks for the laugh. :-)
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“eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow, we die-t.”
theres a big difference between losing weight and being malnourished.
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OT:
have you changed my blog’s url from dotORG to dotCOM?
:D
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skinny girls aint good girlfriends. di kasi sila sweet.
…sweetness will make them gain pounds…
nyahahaha… i’m sooo funny i hurt myself sometimes
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this post is really funny. I absolutely agree that girls are really anorexic. I don’t know… girls are girls
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that has to be the most hilarious thing that i have read that bashes the female species. have you ever considered the fact that the reason we diet is because of your obsession with models and porn? but i have to say, this inspired me to write my own version.
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most girls i know love to eat good food (i do) and still can maintain their figure. i think the tittle must be:
“troubleshooting your anorexic girl: starvation”…
hehe..
nice blog, though…
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I miss & pity the poor boi who kept thinking I was sexy despite my miserable cellulite & flab-ridden physique & attempts to lose them shit, to no avail. :))
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