Know Your Jologs: The gAnGzTaHs

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This entry is part 2 of 4 in the series Know Your Jologs

Last time, we talked about that subspecies of Jologs called the r0kkeRzZzZ \m/. You know, the black shirt-wearing, beer-bottle toting creatures that inhabit rock concerts like it’s the end of the world. After which, Mike toured us on the wonderful world of Jologs Fashion. Jologs Fashion – now that’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one.

For this edition, I actually wanted to write about the r0kkeRzZzZ \m/ subclass called xx E ~ m ~ 0 xx, but seeing how I kept on bashing them here, I really felt that it was too easy.

Just lookit this:

What part of this can you NOT find funny?!
(Thanks to Jepoy for the pic)

So I move on to another Jologs spieces that we so abhor:

gAnGzTaH

w0rD!

gAnGzTaHs are the total opposite of r0kkeRzZzZ \m/. No, they’re not well-mannered and totally behaved in concerts, but the music they listen to is the total opposite of rock. You see, rockers often sing about offering virgins to the devil in exchange for fame and fortune and some weed (don’t believe me? Listen to their songs backwards).

gAnGzTaHs, in contrast, listen to this music called Hip-Hop. It’s about how blacks try to earn money by selling cocaine, after which they’ll spend the money they earned buying large gold and silver jewelry pieces they call “bling-blings”, horridly colored cars with pointless hydraulics and large houses in which to house their large harems of loose and willing women. Also, they have a strange obsession with covering everything in diamonds.

Of course, Black Rappers live by the street cred of hardship and suffering earned from years of living in the ghetto that none of our gAnGzTaH specimens have experienced. I mean, blacks have ginormous penises and have starred in at least one interracial porn film, while gAnGzTaHs have starred in numerrous You Tube videos of them trying to lip-synch to Glock 9 lyrics.

So how do they communicate?

Yes, gAnGzTaHs, as dense as they are, try to communicate. They write rhymes that seemingly resemble 50 Cent’s lyrics. they also seem to be fixated with the words “shiznit”, “bitch”, “ghetto” and other terms that only them could understand. See specimen #1 up there? That nice-looking guy in blue? I asked him to write a rhyme or two for me and this is what he came up:

MY NAME IS RAPER” AKA DERRTY-AL I STARTED HARLEM AND RAP WHEN I WAS 11 YEARS OLD…,,SABI NG IBA MAGALING DAW KONG MAG HARLEM LALO NA SA SCHOOl,, PERO..DI AKO NANINIWAL KASE KUNG MAGALING AKO SANA SIKAT NA KO AND MY MONEY AND FAME NA SANA KO,,,HEHEHE!!!I LOVE TO SMOKE WEED MASARAP KASE PAG HIGH EH!!!!

AYT!!!KISS MY ASS,SUCK MY BOLLS CHUPAIN AKO KUNG ANAK KA NG BITCH!!!

Alright. That was clear. Did you get it? No?

Spotting a gAnGzTaH

Um, wow.

You can almost always tell gAnGzTaHs away because of their appearance. They’d wear that unmistakably oversized t-shirt and baggy jeans. They’d also have that stupid baseball cap with the unbent bill. And they also sport the “bling-blings”, which, for reasons unkown to this writer, do not give them osteoporosis in spite of the weight of these metals. And thanks to their Photoshop skillz, they also look like they’re already burning in hell.

gAnGzTaHs in the Wild

A gAnGzTaH discovering that posing naked and wearing a pair of oversized earphones makes him look like a penis. And he’s lovin’ it.

Jhun-jhun and Jhomar demonstrating a typical gAnGzTaH activity: waving wildly and looking like douchebags in front of a webcam. In a public internet cafe. They’re also showing us the shoes of the baby they mercilessly murdered a few hours ago, gAnGzTaH-style.

They also moonlight as Abu Sayyaff bandits. Da shiznit!

BONUS! A gAnGzTaH CANNIBALISTIC RITUAL- CAUGHT ON VIDEO!

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By Ade

February 23, 2007

97 comments

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64 Comments

Alex, February 23, 2007:

Ayun! Ayuz! Nice one, Ade. Love this post.

Haha. I’m getting trolled for my “jologs” post so I probably d just have to drop the topic for the meantime.

Keep the meme rolling, though. :D

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miss diss, February 23, 2007:

OMG LOLZ!!!!!!

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Talamasca, February 23, 2007:

LOL! I *puffy pink heart* the first photo. Was it taken last V-day? Funny… the all-teeth-out guy had no one to perform the heart formation thingy with him. Aw.

And ZOMG the gAnGzTaH on the video is a frickin’ disaster!!!

After everything I’ve witnessed here, I think I’m gonna be in therapy until I’m 40. Hahaha.

Click to Reply
benj, February 23, 2007:

good thing you didnt find my pictures!

Ade is the guy in the middle – prior to steroid infusion.

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Noelle, February 24, 2007:

HEY! How did you get that picture of my ex-boyfriend?

;)

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The Show-Ender, February 24, 2007:

Finally, the much-awaited part 2!!

Excellent work, Ade!! This is sure to incite trolls. I give it TEN TONIOS GETTING FISTED!!

And btw, what’s the link for that youtube vid?

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Shari, February 24, 2007:

I like! :D

Oh, and gangstahs are more likely to use tHiS aNnOyInG wAy oF tYpInG. Uhm, took me a minute there. Gaaaah!

My gaaawd! I wonder what they’re thinking, you know. I look at them and I’m totally…disgusted? Haha! Ang sama ko.

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jong, February 24, 2007:

nice!

pano naman yong mga skaterboyz? hehe

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jepoy, February 24, 2007:

hahahahaha!

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Raymond, February 24, 2007:

OMG. Kill me now. The video was so scary! Hahaha!!!

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benj, February 24, 2007:

ang yabang nyo naman. mukhang tao parin naman sila eh – di ako masyadong sigurado dito.

ade, pa link naman plzzzz.

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aix, February 25, 2007:

the video… frustration, frustration.

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ianuarius, February 25, 2007:

Yes tao nga sila inferior genes lang lolz

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anne, February 25, 2007:

omg! can’t stand the vidclip

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fruityoaty, February 25, 2007:

They look like sheep… Absolutely no individuality. Lol.

Good luck with your nomination in the 2007 Philippine Blog Awards. :D

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Martin, February 25, 2007:

HAhahaha OH MY GOD this is SO funny and so TRUE!!

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Tess Termulo, February 25, 2007:

Naiinis ako sa kanila. I don’t like them. Really. They’re scary :-(

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Michael, February 25, 2007:

Ade,

Reminds of The Man Blog when it was just starting. Remember the Friendster/Myspace satire?

btw, you might be interested:
The Scariest Movie of the Year: Catholic Priest Raping Children

Click to Reply
Pinoy Stupid, February 25, 2007:

Internet access must be made exclusive! Them gangztahz must be barred!

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Jayvee, February 25, 2007:

Oh shit! These are the gangstahz that go wild and dirrty over S2pid Luv!!!111

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Jam, February 25, 2007:

Haha. These should serve as a lesson to everyone. Never share or post your photo online.

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Jam, February 25, 2007:

“this” I mean. By the way, the video is quite funny.

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benj, February 26, 2007:

OT: ade, have you tried blogtoprofit?

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Zherwin, February 27, 2007:

magkamukha naman yung mga rOckerZZz at ganGTAhzZ. :D

you can also find them sa megamall, pasyal kayo sa foodcourt nakatambay sila sa skating rink, with their bling-blings in their shining gory.

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helga, February 27, 2007:

PATI ASO MO CHUCHUPAIN KO AYT BIZNATCH!!!!

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Euri, February 27, 2007:

…

…

…

Pft! Can’t take it! Bwahahaha! Oopps, I forgot what I was going to say due to laughing hard. >.<

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dimaks, February 27, 2007:

too bad for that boy in the video, who only knows to lipsync the “pls stand up” line lol.

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Wordgasm, February 28, 2007:

WHAT THE FUCK.

SHIIIET. That gave me one helluva laugh.

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WiLL, February 28, 2007:

Reminds me of the “iskwatings” in the neighborhood…makes you psycho and wanna shoot everyone on SITE…PERTETHIC…

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Coco, February 28, 2007:

Quite possibly your best work to date, Ade. Make out with me?

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Steel, March 1, 2007:

Yeah. But why is the gAnGzTaH dude in the first solo photo lying down? Is that how black people are supposed to take pictures coolnessly? Coolness yo!

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ade, March 1, 2007:

[quote comment="21744"]Quite possibly your best work to date, Ade. Make out with me?[/quote]

Like now? Cool!

[quote comment="21850"]Yeah. But why is the gAnGzTaH dude in the first solo photo lying down? Is that how black people are supposed to take pictures coolnessly? Coolness yo![/quote]

w0rD!!!!1

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ba, March 1, 2007:

I saw some gAnGzTaHs yesterday at MoA. They were scaaaaareeeeeeeey

Click to Reply
Sarah, March 1, 2007:

WALANGYA!!! AHAHAH ANSAKIT SA TYAN!!!

Click to Reply
keysi, March 1, 2007:

yung mga emoskwater na madudungis~ nagkalat sa UP FAIR. they should change the name to DUNGIS FAIR. hehe.

Click to Reply
jorge, March 2, 2007:

ROFL. at talagang naka form pa ng heart ang mga kamay nila ha.

Click to Reply
Mark, March 2, 2007:

Hahahahah! This is hilarious! Linked! Cheers!

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shieradel, March 4, 2007:

ade… man your the best… you’ve loosened up my reservations about these guys…

date i pity them now i don’t know…. i pity them and laugh out loud jeeez talk about fashion statement…

and yes they have this nasty habbit Of TyPiNg ThIs WaY as if that would make them cooler

Click to Reply
TITI, March 5, 2007:

JOLOGS NIYO BOYZ

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Jaypee, March 6, 2007:

LMAO! What the heck? Where do you get these photos and videos? Hahaha..Can’t help laughing even while I’m typing this comment. Listening to and liking HipHop music is one thing but to act like a black man, that’s totally different. I bet most of them don’t even know half of the words in the lyrics.

The video was totally hilarious! :D

Click to Reply
dok.ian, March 7, 2007:

taena yang mga feeling gangztah at rockers.. tawa talaga ako sa mga litrato. pero pagpasensiyahan niyo na ang mga kapwa pinoy ganyang talaga sila mahilig manggaya..

Click to Reply
Richmond, March 9, 2007:

Kinukulayan din nila yung buhok nila with merthiolate at Hydrogen Peroxide.

Click to Reply
Devilicious, March 9, 2007:

Mixed emotions sobra! di ko alam kung matatawa ako.. maasar.. pero mas nkakaawa naman sila.. :(

Buti nlng wala kapatid ko dun a! hehehe

Click to Reply
Pinoy Stupid, March 10, 2007:

It really saddens me that such abominations crawl the earth. Gives me goosebumps a bit.

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angelo, March 10, 2007:

nakakahiya na maging pinoy because of this sad fact. lol

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benj, March 10, 2007:

Ade was molested by a jolog when he was still a little boy – hence the hatred towards jologs.

Click to Reply
Nino Gonzales, March 10, 2007:

You might find the study I made on the jologs 2 years ago interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Nino_Gonzales/jologs

Click to Reply
trelumas, March 12, 2007:

ayos pare…ayos… eheheheh…tangina ang mga kabataan ngayon…

ampupuge nila
^___^

daan ka naman ser >> http://www.trelumas.ph.tc

Click to Reply
redge, March 12, 2007:

Nice one! Nakakatawa lalo na yung first photo. Pero kadiri sila, tumataas balahibo ko habang tumatawa. Maybe they really deserve some bashing para naman matauhan sila.

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benj, March 13, 2007:

Have you seen this, Ade? haha

http://chizescuderofacts.info/images/uploads/qJmbn6Nmrecon.jpg

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ade, March 14, 2007:

[quote comment="25670"]Have you seen this, Ade? haha

http://chizescuderofacts.info/images/uploads/qJmbn6Nmrecon.jpg/quote

OMG! I made the jologs famous. FAMOUS! What have I done?!?!

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Felize Mendoza, March 14, 2007:

Hi! I am Felize Mendoza from Philippine Science High School. I just want to show you our project in Social Science (Pisay Meets World), We Hold the Future.

Please click the link (my teacher’s blog) and please also click the video frame which links to YouTube, please leave a comment there (in YouTube).

Thank you very much for your time. Ü

http://sirmartin.wordpress.com/2007/03/12/pisay-meets-world-featured-project-5-we-hold-the-future/

Click to Reply
L.A, March 14, 2007:

OMG gansstah! Auko sa kanila Emo na lng matino a pa hehehe!

Click to Reply
kevin, March 16, 2007:

lol kau

Click to Reply
kevin, March 16, 2007:

sus wala nmn kaung clbe mga ritual parang baliw lng anu ka ba naka hipat??

Click to Reply
Isa-Teresa, March 27, 2007:

ohmygosh i love your blog! somebody put my “jologs concepts” in writing with visual aids! haha;D hope you win the blog awards=)

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spongebabe, May 4, 2007:

hilarious!

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ball5out, September 5, 2007:

hoy mga putang ina nyo puro kayo mga mukhang squaters. alam ba nyo mga pinagsasabi nyo? taga america ko and you guys dont have half a fucking clue on what you guys are saying

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ball5out, September 5, 2007:

yung mga itsura nyong yan, siguradong puro tuyo at bagoong lang ang kinakain nyo. siguradong di pa kayo nakakatikim ng steak!!!!

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joey, September 5, 2007:

hahaha wow, i hate jologs with a firey passion and all the thing’s i’ve been thinking were said so eloquently in this great and awesome blog. i must thank you for making such a masterpiece!! salamat!

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meeko, December 4, 2007:

uhmmm.. comment lng po… ndi rocker ung mga nasa pic… POSER po yan.. nag dadamit basura lng pero walang alam sa musika… ang tunay na rocker o musikero ay hndi mo makikita sa pananamit yan ay nakikita kung pano ka linis tumugtog ng instrumento…in fact banas na banas rin ako sa mga ganyang tao… pasenxa na kung may mga ganyang tao na nag feefeeling rakista.. kung baga sumasabay lng sa uso… salamat…

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jv_gurl, April 3, 2008:

hehehehe!…^^

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PAKIALAMERO, August 30, 2008:

WALANG PAKIALAMAN TA3NA KANYA KANYANG TRIP YAN E HA

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Rust NL of (real) Jologz, September 1, 2008:

One Lov foe all Jologz represent…
As we represent the jologz ways…
No one could step our PRIDE and our being true PINOY…

remember that…

peace

Rust NL of Jologz
Composer/Rapper/Co-Producer from ASR Label

Click to Reply
Ade replied on September 1st, 2008 11:55 pm:
K.

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