Last time, we talked about that subspecies of Jologs called the r0kkeRzZzZ \m/. You know, the black shirt-wearing, beer-bottle toting creatures that inhabit rock concerts like it’s the end of the world. After which, Mike toured us on the wonderful world of Jologs Fashion. Jologs Fashion – now that’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one.
For this edition, I actually wanted to write about the r0kkeRzZzZ \m/ subclass called xx E ~ m ~ 0 xx, but seeing how I kept on bashing them here, I really felt that it was too easy.
Just lookit this:
(Thanks to Jepoy for the pic)
So I move on to another Jologs spieces that we so abhor:
gAnGzTaH
gAnGzTaHs are the total opposite of r0kkeRzZzZ \m/. No, they’re not well-mannered and totally behaved in concerts, but the music they listen to is the total opposite of rock. You see, rockers often sing about offering virgins to the devil in exchange for fame and fortune and some weed (don’t believe me? Listen to their songs backwards).
gAnGzTaHs, in contrast, listen to this music called Hip-Hop. It’s about how blacks try to earn money by selling cocaine, after which they’ll spend the money they earned buying large gold and silver jewelry pieces they call “bling-blings”, horridly colored cars with pointless hydraulics and large houses in which to house their large harems of loose and willing women. Also, they have a strange obsession with covering everything in diamonds.
Of course, Black Rappers live by the street cred of hardship and suffering earned from years of living in the ghetto that none of our gAnGzTaH specimens have experienced. I mean, blacks have ginormous penises and have starred in at least one interracial porn film, while gAnGzTaHs have starred in numerrous You Tube videos of them trying to lip-synch to Glock 9 lyrics.
So how do they communicate?
Yes, gAnGzTaHs, as dense as they are, try to communicate. They write rhymes that seemingly resemble 50 Cent’s lyrics. they also seem to be fixated with the words “shiznit”, “bitch”, “ghetto” and other terms that only them could understand. See specimen #1 up there? That nice-looking guy in blue? I asked him to write a rhyme or two for me and this is what he came up:
MY NAME IS RAPER” AKA DERRTY-AL I STARTED HARLEM AND RAP WHEN I WAS 11 YEARS OLD…,,SABI NG IBA MAGALING DAW KONG MAG HARLEM LALO NA SA SCHOOl,, PERO..DI AKO NANINIWAL KASE KUNG MAGALING AKO SANA SIKAT NA KO AND MY MONEY AND FAME NA SANA KO,,,HEHEHE!!!I LOVE TO SMOKE WEED MASARAP KASE PAG HIGH EH!!!!
AYT!!!KISS MY ASS,SUCK MY BOLLS CHUPAIN AKO KUNG ANAK KA NG BITCH!!!
Alright. That was clear. Did you get it? No?
Spotting a gAnGzTaH
Um, wow.
You can almost always tell gAnGzTaHs away because of their appearance. They’d wear that unmistakably oversized t-shirt and baggy jeans. They’d also have that stupid baseball cap with the unbent bill. And they also sport the “bling-blings”, which, for reasons unkown to this writer, do not give them osteoporosis in spite of the weight of these metals. And thanks to their Photoshop skillz, they also look like they’re already burning in hell.
gAnGzTaHs in the Wild
A gAnGzTaH discovering that posing naked and wearing a pair of oversized earphones makes him look like a penis. And he’s lovin’ it.
Jhun-jhun and Jhomar demonstrating a typical gAnGzTaH activity: waving wildly and looking like douchebags in front of a webcam. In a public internet cafe. They’re also showing us the shoes of the baby they mercilessly murdered a few hours ago, gAnGzTaH-style.
They also moonlight as Abu Sayyaff bandits. Da shiznit!
BONUS! A gAnGzTaH CANNIBALISTIC RITUAL- CAUGHT ON VIDEO!
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...and I don't know what I'm doing here.
