As 2006 ends, we all have to take stock of what we all did with the last year, and we have reflect. And change. For the better. And that is wht New Year Resolutions are good for. And since 2006 is such a bitch of a year, I think I have a lot to think about.

Let’s start, shall we?

  • I will no longer try to impress girls by leering lewdly at them as they pass by.
  • Mayonnaise is NOT car fuel.
  • I will no longer try to scare the nice old lady next door by putting all those TNTs in her front yard.
  • I’ll put them instead in my other neighbor’s front yard who incidentally is a big tub of lard and is bound to have a heart attack anyway.
  • I won’t spend the holidays surfing the internet. Like what I’m doing now.
  • My new iPod is an mp3 player. Not something to make the household help feel like they’re worthless.
  • I have to clean out my bedroom. Last night something grabbed my foot and didn’t let go until I beat it with a broomstick. And I’m sure it wasn’t a cockroach.
  • I’ll stop procrastinating. Later.
  • And write new and much more interesting articles. Unlike this lame one.

And I really have to fulfill my new year’s resolutions. I mean, I don’t want to end up like Hitler. In his memoirs, he wrote:

My new year’s resolution: I have to stop killing Jews for LOLz!!!111one

But he didn’t stop! Lookit where he ended up then:


So how did you spend your new year? What are your resolutions?

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