Hello, dear reader, and as you are reading this, I am bored out of my wits because I just realized that I need to gets a life. You see, I spend way too much time on teh intrarwebs and it’s well, scaring me. And my dog.
This is not my dog.
You may think that since I am already a rock star, my life would consist of me lying down in bed and becoming a luxurious slab of fat while my accountants dump money at my bedside and my bodyguards would keep Maria Ozawa tied up to my bedpost.
Maria Ozawa
Unfortunately, that isn’t so. My life consists of me sitting in front of a computer becoming a luxurious pile of fat while I look for Maria Ozawa pictures on the interweb. During company time. That is why I can’t update often. Also, I have an ugly mulletted guy tied to my bedpost.
Ugly Man with Mullet
I’ve been spending lots of time posting totally unfunny jokes on my blog, and I do apologize for that. I promise from now on I will post more sensible stuff. You know, things like politics, ramen, religion, Korean soap operas and other gay stuff. [ DAMMIT! SORRY ROB! UNINTENTIONAL, I TELL YA! ] Because I’m profound like that.
But of course, I can’t really start posting sensible things if EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH ME. So I need to start exorcising the retardness from me. And spending a week away from the interweb would be a great option, wouldn’t it? I’d unplug the computer, turn my cellphone off, and also stay away from all things digital. So what would I do during that awesome week of tech cold turkey?
I’d head over to the nearest net cafe during the first five minutes of my sabbath and spend five hours surfing the web.
Ok. Not a good idea.
Maybe books can actually snap me out of my web addiction. So I look around, looking for a good read when I saw this literary gem:
Blatantly stolen from TMB.
Um, why do I keep on seeing gay jokes everywhere?
So I decided to talk to my good friend Krystal, who always seems to know the right thing to say at the right time.
me: the man blog is making me gay
krystal: does reese know about this?
krystal: hmm…in all fairness, you do not register in my gay-dar.
krystal: nope…my expert gay-dar vision says your still straight.
krystal: don’t worry
me: yay for straightness
me: now i can have sex with men with a clean conscience
krystal: …
me: what?
*krystal has logged out of the chat session*
me: hello?
me: krystal?
me: I WAS JUST JOKING MY GAHWD!!11111oneoneone
Ok, I think my addiction to the internet and gay jokes can be cured by religion. So I start looking for God. Oh god, where are you?
Awesome.
If this entry doesn’t make any sense to you, I just came back from working for eight days straight. Cut me some slack. And that’s all I wanted to say. Now I go back to work:
OMG, I don’t have my dignity anymore. I need plastic surgery in Toronto to hide my identity.
Apologies to Jason Mulgrew for the title.
OK. I’m done. Comment away.
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...and I don't know what I'm doing here.
